True Blood Recap Roulette: The Sanguinista Crazytrain Keeps Chugging

Anyone can just spell out what happened on last night’s episode of True BloodIn fact, you can’t swing a dead shapeshifter without hitting someone’s recaps.

So every week this season, Queerty contributor Jason Sweeten is going to give us a different spin on the previous night’s episode: it might be a screenshot slideshow, a sock-puppet re-enactment, or even some Kabuki theater. (If we can just get the budget approved). He might not always succeed, but at least it won’t be boring.

This Week: Screen caps!


When in doubt, strap a naked man to a table in your opening scene.

Before speaking to Sookie’s dead grandmother, Lafayette practices his smize.

Arlene is hoping her sad eyes will help her escape the Ifrit subplot.

“My agent demanded more camera time,” said Pam’s boobs.

Sweetie is The Dragon (leader of the super-hate group), and she doesn’t like being mistaken for that actress on Drop Dead Diva.

Nora is so high on religion that this rock is now her BFF.

Some people may be aroused, but I’m just distracted by how much his torso looks like a face.

Does anyone else think that Lilith is maybe a woman who forgot to shower after La Tomatina?

“Humans rule!” Hate group, we hardly had the time to hate you.

Terry kills Patrick. The Ifrit woman claims his body. We’re supposed to feel emotional, I think?

(This space intentionally left blank)

I’m glad that Jack White could take the time from whatever he’s doing to become the new sheriff of Area 5.

“Stick with me darling. I’ll give you the world.” And by world, Russell means a werewolf puppy.

Alcide! Good of you to stop driving and join those of us who are actively participating in this episode.

Bill is now Sanguinista. He punishes Eric by capturing him at gunpoint while the most mismatched exit music possible plays.


Jason Sweeten is a contributing writer for Queerty. Screen caps are just GIFs that don’t move, right?