andrew sullivan

“Try never mentioning your spouse, your family, your home, your girlfriend or boyfriend to anyone you know or work with – just for one day”

SOUNDBITES — “Rich says that it’s no big deal to live hiding one’s sexual orientation. If you’re straight, try it for one day. Try never mentioning your spouse, your family, your home, your girlfriend or boyfriend to anyone you know or work with – just for one day. Take that photo off your desk at work, change the pronoun you use for your spouse to the opposite gender, guard everything you might say or do so that no one could know you’re straight, shut the door in your office if you have a personal conversation if it might come up. Try it. Now imagine doing it for a lifetime. It’s crippling; it warps your mind; it destroys your self-esteem. These men and women are voluntarily risking their lives to defend us. And we are demanding they live lives like this in order to do so.” —Andrew Sullivan, responding to the National Review‘s Rich Lowry in this debate with Ana Marie Cox over serving openly in the military (via)

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  • Kevin Pratt

    I guess that if I were to follow this guy’s logic and extend Sullivan’s, we should have DODT for straights too. If the military finds out you’re straight, you should be discharged. This way everyone can live in fear and censor themselves together.

  • Lukas P.

    Take the challenge: YOU, yes YOU.
    Many of us here in Queertyville may have cuddly liberal str8 friends who “support” us, but still don’t really “get” the idea that our tongues are often tied in the work setting. Military or not.

    My idea: ask just ONE straight friend to try this for ONE day: avoid mentioning the wife/hubster, the gender of such mate, hide the photo, keep the weekend plans a mystery. I did this about a year ago with a hetero married woman friend of mine, and within 4 hours she was frantically texting me & tweeting “this SUX.” In spite of her liberal, anything-goes mentality, she suddenly GOT an AHA MOMENT and next thing ya know she went from being an ally to getting involved. She has been part of a pro-bono legal service at her local GBLQ community center ever since.

    Anyone game?

  • Brian NJ

    People in the military have said that they already know who is gay. There would be very little change, or no detectable change. The only change is you are not ripping trained soldiers away from their fellow soldiers and dumping them on the street. You will be honoring veterans instead of disgracing them, and the country.

  • Ted B. (Charging Rhino)

    What a drama queen…

    I worked in small family-owned professinal firms for over 12 years and for 4 years in a large, publically-traded real estate development company for four years, and on many workdays didn’t mention what was going-on at home…it either didn’t come-up, or wasn’t their business. What is this incessant need to share?

    The one rule I did have is I wouldn’t lie about being gay if asked point-blank…otherwise it really wasn’t any of their business; not my bosses, my co-workers, nor my clients.

  • zenflo

    Where can one find Sullivan’s online-hookup pelvic photo — just for one day?

  • matt pizzuti

    Ted B., wtf does your personal modesty have to do with the fact that silence is forced on so many queer people, and why would you use it to derail a really good point?

    Your ability to internalize oppression and keep silent about your own life does not mean that other LGBT people should have to, and does not mean that it is not sometimes extremely difficult and damaging. Especially in a culture where those around you are talking extensively about sex/dating and sharing personal information and they will suspect that you are gay just for failing to join in.

  • Ted B. (Charging Rhino)

    Matt, you missed the whole point of my posting. My point is that one doesn’t have to mention your home life every day of the week. Therefore how is one day of not mentioning it a hardship? I never said I didn’t discuss what happened at home ever…and I certainly never denied being gay if asked….I just didn’t parade around work ever day with a PRIDE lapel pin either.

Comments are closed.