We told you about Sinthetics, a company that produces custom, hand-made, “life-like” sex dolls ranging from about $6,000 to $25,000–yes, $25,000! — depending on how many bonus features you want.
Well, it turns out these nasty little dolls were just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to bedroom accessories.
Scroll down for 10 more sex toys not for the faint of heart…
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Instructions for use: “Unscrew the bottom ring on the flask using the included allen wrenches, and insert testicles.”
Need we say more?
Have you ever felt a strong urge to pee in a tube and then have the pee give you an enema? If so, then these are the pants for you!
This male mouth masturbator comes with a remote control that allows you to determine how tightly Mr. Jack clamps down with the extra long teeth that appear to be growing out of his throat.
Don’t even get us started on the black caterpillar moustache.
Plop yourself down on this hard pointy triangle!
For guys who like to take playing doctor to the level after the next level.
Made especially for men who like to engage in “fowl play” during bath time.
No, that’s not a medieval torture device. According to the manufacturer’s website it’s “a very clever way to penetrate the urethra while trapping the cock in place.”
Also not a medieval torture device, this human-sized cage allows you to lock someone inside and then poke them with metal sticks.
For any of you hardcore Game of Thrones fans who’ve ever fantasized about hooking up with Daenerys’ dragons.
Dutch designer Mark Sturkenboom’s “memory box” opens with an elegant key that doubles as a pendant necklace. Inside is a glass dildo that you can use to store your beloved’s ashes.
Related: Five (More) Fascinating Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Gay Sex
bottom250
I’ll stick to my horse dildo thanks
Captain proton
the cone is for women. There was a feminist article about it recently,
about how sex toys shouldn’t automatically be based on the male shape.
Billy Budd
OMG! This is so bizarre.
mikehan
Plagiarism alert, cracked did almost this excwct article about 2 years ago
bottom250
@mikehan: ohhhh honey, there are thousands of articles on sex toys
Ladbrook
urine-based self-enemas? There are just no words….
Desert Boy
That mouth is the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen. My right hand is far more preferable.
bottom250
I like those enema pants
Billy Budd
“Mr. Jack Mouth With Moustache” reminded me of the special effects of the movie “Dune”. Very scary stuff.
Desert Boy
The Japanese have really weird shit in their XXX shops. I was told I had to visit one and so I did. Half of the goodies simply made to sense.
McShane
*glances at the time*
Looks like it’s f@ck this sh!t o’clock! I really don’t want to miss the nope train.
Rod McPherson
Spend a few hours at Mr S on 8th St
Glücklich
@Rod McPherson:
I have.
Which Muppet was killed to make the mustache on that one device?
Glücklich
@bottom250:
Between the Kleenex for your crying jags and the Depend diapers you’re bound to be using, you’re really helping me clean up on my Kimberly-Clark stock.
If I can count on your use of KY Jelly, I’ll build a position in Reckitt Benckisser stock.
As to those enema pants…reduce-reuse-recycle. Even your own urine.
bottom250
@Glücklich: Why the put downs sweetheart?
Glücklich
@bottom250:
Oh sorry…I’m just ribbin’ ya.
bottom250
@Glücklich: I love a good ribbing. It’s ribbed for my pleasure.
Glücklich
*Exactly* why I said ribbin’.
Chris Ever
Noah Skelton
Clark35
Other sites have done this before and done it a lot better than this one did.
Christopher Ryan Blevins
lmao Deacon Alexander Ashley Bisceglia The “stache” makes it beyond freaky