Unhappy Valentine’s Day: “Why Everyone Hates Couples”

Blogger Orlando Soria of Hommemaker has posted a hilarious tongue-in-cheek roundup of reasons why happy couples are incredibly annoying. If you’re in a functional, loving relationship, you may want to stop reading now.

Here’s a few samples. (Read the whole post at Hommemaker):

 7. Because inviting you means we have to invite your totally annoying boyfriend.third-wheel

Remember when we used to have fun dinner parties where we’d all sit around and laugh together and be so happy that we were friends? Well now that inviting you means I have to invite your obnoxious, sullen boyfriend we never have those fun dinners anymore. I miss the days when you were single and I could hang out with you without having to include your mood-ruining other half.


8. You just nuzzled noses. At. The. Dinner. Table.


We get it. You love each other and need to show it. But do we really have to watch? (However, I kind of do want to watch these two nuzzle noses. Is that wrong?).


9. You act like you’ve been married for ten years and you’ve been dating for two weeks.


Do you have couple friends that are like “Big new guys! We’re buying a HOUSE!” And then you’re like “But you just met last week!” And they look at you like you’re speaking gibberish, as if everyone dates for a week and then moves in together. Some couples move superfast and act like it’s normal and talk about getting married after like three dates. Which sometimes means they will fall in love and last forever, but more often means they’re actual psychopaths and their relationship is going to end in exactly 17 days.

In the interest of fairness, we’re gonna ask readers in couples—what is it about your single friends that drives you bonkers?

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #hommemaker #relationships #valentine'sday stories and more


  • dvlaries

    No. 8 is particularly annoying if you’ve ever been hostage to it. If you’re not past the point where you can’t go two minutes without groping each other -wherever you are- if you’re not ready for the respective, individual ‘yous’ to reemerge, stay in your honeymoon cocoon and your friends will happily wait till you’re ready to remember what is appropriate socializing.

  • Lizzie

    My partner and I are SO VERY guilty on #9. It was not deliberate, it’s just that we clicked so well, but we do make some of our friends good-naturedly sick. I can see how it would make others uncomfortable.

  • Joetx

    I’m not in a relationship, but #5 is the worst one for me. I don’t want to hear you complain about how hard it is to be in a relationship – & worse, to tell me I’m so lucky to be single – when I’d do anything to have what you have.

  • marc sfe

    @Joetx: I know what you mean Joetx. I’ve had one Valentine’s Day date, period and I’m near 60. Fucking hate this holiday!

  • D9W

    The only vocal comment I heard was “Will you stop kissing in the kitchen? After all this is my (Grandmother’s) house.”

    To which I replied: “If you don’t like us kissing: Go get your own boyfriend- as in Grandpa! Then you don’t have to watch us.”

  • the other Greg

    “In the interest of fairness, we’re gonna ask readers in couples—what is it about your single friends that drives you bonkers?”

    Ha ha. OK, we guess it’s those guys who always complain about not finding a boyfriend, but they always find a way to blame it on “the gay community” somehow. “The gay community is too ____” [fill in the blank] so it’s not their fault, it’s the gay community’s fault.

    Be honest. If you’re pushing 40 and still alone, and still complaining, the most likely reasons are these:

    a) You’ve never given any serious thought to what psychological qualities you really want in a bf.


    b) You really enjoy being a slut. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that!)

  • Daggerman

    ….what is the main reason why Straights, Gays appear to turn on the kissing and cuddling game when Valentine’s day arrives? Well for one, it’s because we are a very pretentious specie, plus we love to show off and declare that you must herald in a strong bonding type of activity hence the name of the day!!

Comments are closed.