Unhappy Valentine’s Day: “Why Everyone Hates Couples”

Blogger Orlando Soria of Hommemaker has posted a hilarious tongue-in-cheek roundup of reasons why happy couples are incredibly annoying. If you’re in a functional, loving relationship, you may want to stop reading now.

Here’s a few samples. (Read the whole post at Hommemaker):

 7. Because inviting you means we have to invite your totally annoying boyfriend.third-wheel

Remember when we used to have fun dinner parties where we’d all sit around and laugh together and be so happy that we were friends? Well now that inviting you means I have to invite your obnoxious, sullen boyfriend we never have those fun dinners anymore. I miss the days when you were single and I could hang out with you without having to include your mood-ruining other half.


8. You just nuzzled noses. At. The. Dinner. Table.


We get it. You love each other and need to show it. But do we really have to watch? (However, I kind of do want to watch these two nuzzle noses. Is that wrong?).


9. You act like you’ve been married for ten years and you’ve been dating for two weeks.


Do you have couple friends that are like “Big new guys! We’re buying a HOUSE!” And then you’re like “But you just met last week!” And they look at you like you’re speaking gibberish, as if everyone dates for a week and then moves in together. Some couples move superfast and act like it’s normal and talk about getting married after like three dates. Which sometimes means they will fall in love and last forever, but more often means they’re actual psychopaths and their relationship is going to end in exactly 17 days.

In the interest of fairness, we’re gonna ask readers in couples—what is it about your single friends that drives you bonkers?