Using Lube To Have Buttsecks Is God’s Way Of Saying “No, No!” Reporter Claims


As the ban on amyl nitrite (a.k.a. poppers) continues to dominate the British news cycle, one homophobic journalist has decided to insert his opinion into the matter, even though nobody asked him for it.

Related: U.K. Bans The Sale Of Poppers, “Legal High” Seekers Look Elsewhere

Rod Liddle, associate editor of The Spectator, just penned an op-ed claiming that poppers and lube are “God’s way of telling you that…[gay sex] is unnatural and perverse.”

Because, as well all know, personal lubricant is used exclusively by gay men, and straight couples never engage in anal intercourse ever.

Liddle’s op-ed is titled “Did we really have to hear all about Crispin Blunt’s sex life?”, referencing a statement the conservative lawmaker made to his colleagues in the House of Commons last week when he proclaimed: “I use poppers. I out myself as a poppers user. And would be directly affected by this legislation. And I was astonished to find that it’s proposed they be banned and, frankly, so were very many gay men!”

Related: Politician Outs Himself As A Poppers User During Debate

“A jar of poppers and a tube of lube are always found in the bedside drawer of a gay man, we are told,” Liddle writes in his op-ed. “I would have thought that the requirement for amyl nitrate to relax the sphincter muscle and lube to accommodate entry was God’s way of telling you that what you’re about to do is unnatural and perverse.”

Either that, he says, or it’s “your body’s way of telling you” not to do it.

“Your call,” he writes. Then he adds: “So eeeeuw.”

The obvious follow-up question for Liddle would be: If anal sex is so unnatural, why did God create lube in the first place? Also, we’d be curious to know what he keeps in his bedside drawer.

If any homos are upset by poppers being banned in the U.K., Liddle says, they can “use a jemmy instead.”

This guy is brimming with brilliant ideas.

Related: Five Hospitalized After Drinking Poppers. That’s Right, Drinking Poppers.