On the Grind

“VICE” Magazine Shows You How To Get Free Stuff From Grindr

For the uninitiated, or simply those unfamiliar with the practice of randomly hooking up in the 21st century, Grindr is both a gift and a curse.

Having a hotbed of horny hunks in your hand is a power that can be easily used and abused so — to quote Mariah Carey in Precious (based on the novel Push by Sapphire) — let’s talk about the abuse.

VICE magazine offers a few tips on how to justly abuse the Grindr system to get what you want and get what you need without necessarily getting off. From drugs to sofas to someone to read your dissertation, this is apparently the app for that.

Scribe Brian Moylan relates several anecdotes regarding friends who’ve gotten hooked up, with some occasional hooking up on the side, such as this:

Getting stuff off Grindr is just like getting laid: It’s not over until everyone is happy. Sean also read his friend’s thesis in return and Steve helped his Danish friend write an essay in English (he also fucked the guy on the regular for several months, which is another form of payment all its own). It’s all about karma (or oral sex); you have to give if you want to receive.

And it’s that kind of homespun wisdom that gets you ahead in life. Or at least gets you some decent secondhand furniture or, at the very least…some decent indecency.