Actor Nico Tortorella features on the cover of this month’s Attitude magazine. Tortorella gives a candid interview in which they talk about bottom-shaming and their relationship with their wife, Bethany C Myers.
The gender-fluid 32-year-old, who also identifies as sexually-fluid, uses they/them pronouns. Besides roles in Scream 4 and TV show Younger, Tortorella features in new horror series, The Walking Dead: World Beyond.
Related: Nico Tortorella sometimes tops and sometimes bottoms “depending on the day”
Asked about the stigma that exists around anal sex, Tortorella said, “I think that’s just a problem with the a**hole in general, and deeming certain body parts as dirty or filthy.
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“I think that is a deep-rooted issue with the body in general, whether you’re male-bodied or female-bodied.
“But I think specifically for men to be put in this ‘sub-position’ is not masculine, when anyone who’s bottomed ever knows you need to man the f*** up to get the job done.
“So I don’t think there’s anything more masculine than bottoming, let’s be honest.”
As a model and actor, Tortorella has been a highly visible advocate for sexual and gender fluidity. This has led to curiosity and speculation over their polyamorous relationship with their wife, Myers. The pair first met in college around 15 years ago and married in 2018.
Tortorella said despite being raised in a “very sex-positive house”, realizing their own sexual identity was a “slow-burn”. They had a major relationship with a man in their mid-twenties, which led to them coming out to their family as not straight.
Ultimately, Tortorella cherished the relationship they had with Myers.
“We started this lifelong journey of a friendship first. I mean, Bethany’s my best friend and we have been through a ton of shit together … [Bethany and I] really saw each other … There was this loyalty that never went away, no matter how far apart we were.”
Related: Nico Tortorella leaves very little to the imagination in latest share
Tortorella was then asked if they encounter common misconceptions about their relationship with Myers. Tortorella said the most common was: “That we’re out here fucking all the time and we have all of these other partners. No, that’s not the case.”
Tortorella said the pair were not “swingers” and did not date other couples.
“I am kind of a serial monogamist in my polyamory … I love dating one person at a time. I’m married, yes, but I love dating one person at a time. I have a partner in LA that I’ve had for a long time, but I’m not his only partner; he’s not my only partner.
“I think both of those words, queer and polyamorous, are heavily weighted, and they mean different things to different people. And what they mean to us works for us. And sometimes it doesn’t.”
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I have nothing much to say in this post except i love this pic and this human. @nicotortorella
Tortorella says they and Myers are thinking of having children, and will continue to talk publicly about their love for another and their relationship.
“We don’t have all the answers, but we’re going to figure it out. I’m sure other people will try to give us unsolicited advice on a regular basis.”
Read the whole interview in the November issue of Attitude magazine.
Alexis
Whoever (I realise the author’s name is above) wrote this, please show it to your editor (if you have one)… a lot of pronouns issues
John
Nico goes by they/them, so the pronouns are correct.
Catholicslutbox
These days, pronouns have lost all meaning.
Nico is hot from the neck up…when he isn’t talking.
Huffman
You are right! They/them is plural…if you refer to the human, then use his name ( Tortorella ) or that human gets to be identified as an “IT”! “It” is the only way to refer to a single human that refuses gender identification.
KyleMichelSullivan
Anyone who says “they, them” is strictly plural is wrong, They/them is acceptable to use when referring to someone in the singular when you are unsure of their gender or as a shortcut. For example: “One of your friends just called, but I didn’t get a name.” “Okay, so what did they want?” “They didn’t say.””Then it’s up to them to call me back, if it’s important.”
Its recent designation as a gender-neutral reference is also acceptable. Language has to grow, change and adapt; otherwise it’s a dead language.
Donston
This is the type of shit that bugs me. I don’t care if you don’t “get it”. Respect people’s sense of self. And ultimately, once the ball
gets rolling there’s no pulling it back.
I will admit that I don’t entirely buy Nico’s them/they identity and gender-fluidity. No cis male who truly feels “genderfluid” and is comfortable with that would still care so
much about purporting a masculine image. While Nico was just saying that it’s unfair that they aren’t embraced as a legit “queer” because they’re cis and in a hetero marriage. But then they gives interviews saying that they only want to be considered a part of the “queer community” sometimes. Nico also said that they weren’t interested in outside marriages relationships. That’s another tune that keeps changing from interview to interview. So, the them/they stuff does somewhat feel like a way to hold to “queer credit” while being seen as a quirky/freaky semi “straight”. The obsession with perception and sociological validation is tiresome. Never mind that Nico never says anything beyond platitudes and cliches. It just doesn’t seem like Nico has anything to offer, any real perspective or even earnestness, which would be fine if every some odd months they didn’t feel the need to remind people how “queer” they are and if it weren’t for all the previous problematic comments. Once again, I get everyone has individual dimensions, struggles and journeys and that the gender and orientation spectrum is vast. But Nico just doesn’t seem to get it. If they did they wouldn’t be thirty something years old still hyping up their masculinity and still constantly looking for sociological validation.
There’s legit reasons to criticize Nico, but people are just gonna have to get over the fact that everyone plays the identity game differently.
Neoprene
Re: Pillow biting. Amen sister Nico! Er, brother. Dude? Chick? I’m with ya 100%.
whateverokok
No, Alexis is right. The pronouns are obviously incorrect. One can clearly look at the pictures and tell that is a dude or a he. There is no they. They indicates more than one person. And Nic is obviously not more than one person. It’s physically impossible to be more than one person. So the grammar in this article is incorrect.
eros1405
“The gender-fluid 32-year-old, who also identifies as sexually-fluid, uses they/them pronouns.”
From the article, they prefer the they/them pronouns because they don’t identify as male or female hints the plural pronouns. So while they do physically resembles a guy, they self identifies as they/them and all the author is doing is respecting that.
Some of us may not like it, or understand it, or even agree with it, but it’s not for us to define someone else’s gender or gender identity.
Charlie in Charge
And just a few decades ago people would have adamantly asserted there is no such thing as homosexuality. We redefined the understanding of sexuality and didn’t care that people told us we were wrong. Why should we then not expect that our own ideas about gender and sexuality would be challenged?
startenout
The only thing incorrect on this entire page are the self-righteous bigots who are determined to shame someone for using a person’s correct pronouns. They are not wrong (please note how it’s used correctly in a singular form and be educated), YOU are.
Donston
I respect Nico for at one time being an “up and comer” yet still being willing to “come out”. But I just can’t dismiss how problematic they/them were several years ago and how Nico has never confronted those previous things. I also don’t like how “queer media” has kissed they/them’s ass yet jumps on every little thing other people say. It’s extremely hypocritical. It makes it look like that as long as you’re a decent looking white guy who embraces a “queer” identity a lot of things will be overlooked. Nico is someone who tried to shame the “gay” identity and told people not to embrace a “gay” identity, while not at all being critical of any other identities and identity politics in general. This is someone who claimed they/them wasn’t “gay” because they have mostly female friends. This is someone who claimed black/Latino men can only be “gay” or “straight”. This is someone who pimped out a very brief same-sex relationship for publicity and to establish their “queer credibility”. This is also someone who was shaming male masculinity but is now praising it. Until Nico talks about that messy shit they/them used to promote I don’t want to hear what them/they has to say in an Attitude interview while promoting their new show. Furthermore, who gives a shit about protecting masculinity? I don’t understand someone referring to themselves as them/they and yet still being caught up in male, masculine, hetero-normal insecurities. It just shows that even after “coming out” or embracing whatever identities these still end up being big issues for many.
I understand the consequences of trauma and fluidity and that gender, sexuality, orientation, relationships can complicated, life-long journeys. But it seems as if Nico still has quite a bit to learn and is still being messy, and the media refuses to call out the mess. I’m tired of being told we have to embrace someone and never call someone out because they want to associate with the “queer community”.
Neoprene
Peter Pedantic to the rescue!
Donston
By my standards that’s a fairly short and easy to comprehend post. Either read it or don’t.!
jkb
Not sure why masculinity matters. Just enjoy what you enjoy and stop trying to shame each other over personal proclivities.
Donston
This is like the 7th-8th article over the past several months where guys who identify as whatever have made sure to defend their masculinity. It’s such a tired, insecure, anti-progress pattern. While Nico is “genderfluid”, has been publicly out for almost a decade and is over 30 years old. Them/they is supposed to know better. Nico has also shamed people. Once again, learn from previous mistakes.
This is why I don’t focus that much on identities or behaviors. Accepting all the different types of sexualities and how individual sexuality can be is more important. Tackling gay shame, mental health struggles, and masculine and hetero pressures and superiority is more important. People understanding just how vast and varied the gender, romantic sexual, emotional investment, relationship contentment spectrum is more important. No one cares that you’re a “bottom” but you’re still “masculine”. Save that for your Grindr profile.
Josh447
A big fat no to they them pronouns. They can use such amongst itselves. Ripping up the English language and confusing the masses for the few sexually ambivalent isn’t cool. Get a grip.
Kangol2
From the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (no link because I was thrown into “Moderation” for posting a modified version)):
“The use of the plural pronouns they, them, themselves, or their with a grammatically singular antecedent dates back at least to 1300*, and *such constructions have been used by many admired writers, including William Makepeace Thackeray (“A person can’t help their birth”), George Bernard Shaw (“To do a person in means to kill them”), and Anne Morrow Lindbergh (“When you love someone you do not love them all the time”). Despite the apparent grammatical disagreement between a singular antecedent like someone and the plural pronoun them, the construction is so widespread both in print and in speech that it often passes unnoticed.* There are several reasons for its appeal. Forms of they are useful as gender-neutral substitutes for generic he and for coordinate forms like his/her or his or her (which can sound clumsy when repeated and which do not take into account people whose gender identity is nonbinary). Nevertheless, the clash in number can be jarring to writers and readers, and many people dislike they with a singular antecedent. “
“They” as a singular pronoun long (1300 AD!) precedes its adoption by trans and nonbinary people. If they seek to known by they/them, why is this such an affront? It doesn’t change or challenge your desired gender pronouns, does it?
Josh447
Kangol2,
Please, allow me to blow the erroneous American Heritage Dic out of the water. Notice maybe only one or two dictionaries are in complete error with this issue to include AHD. Others are seemingly more educated and have not signed on.
Never in the history of the English language has they/them been used when the sex of a single person is known. i. e. “Jim went to the park. They had a good time”. Doesn’t exist. “Mary went to the store. They bought an ice cream”. Competely senseless. This is the structure trying to be pushed.
To say they/them has been used as singular in history is flat out false, a complete lie, bc the sentences they are referring to in general and above, the sex is unknown, meaning it could be male or female indicating plural. I.e. “Somebody went to the park. They had a good time “. They/them is then used bc it could be either male or female. It’s just easier than saying “somebody went to the park, he or she had a good time”. Totally reasonable and logical.
I find the current push annoying bc 1) the backers, the AHD, of this malarkey are not using examples of what trans and binaries are using which makes it look like they are using a false smoke screen and acting out of integrity. 2) nowhere in history has a word definition been changed to placate a sexual minorities sexual proclivities. 3) it seems trans and nonB are depending on these false justifications in hopes people will sign off without checking deeper, which is happening. 4) it just plain sounds uneducated and rediculous.
I find as do the majority of Americans after reading several articles filled with countless negative comments condemning this act 10 to 1, it’s disrespectful and an affront that these people would choose a word that they know would cause a backlash. I mean really, what were they thinking? They are already the most misunderstood group on the planet, now they are shooting themselves in the foot with more negative drama. They could have used any other word but they chose a mine field to blow up in the masses faces. It looks like a big ‘look at me’ campaign.
If anyone has any input as to why this group would do this perposterous act please shine a light bc they scatter when confronted with this data. This is a sleezy sneak it under the radar Trumpian move if I ever saw it. Americans will not be hoodwinked, again, one would hope.
Josh447
Kangol2,
It took 12 DL attempts to “awaiting moderation” to finally get that response to fly. You still having trouble w DLs too?
Donston
There are so many problematic and questionable things Nico has said and done in recent years. But of course, the basic ass a-holes in comment section will only focus on identities and lifestyles as usual.
jkb
Some remain too basic to delve further.
drmiller
I am beyond over this person. Did anyone see their bizarre performance on Celebrity Drag Race? It feels like they so desperately want to be part of the LGBTQ community that they’re constantly cultivating some kind of weird eccentricity so no one will realize they’re completely devoid of a personality or any genuine connection to the community. They’re all over the map and I have a really big problem believing any of this is genuine (especially the non-binary piece). And this isn’t about the way they look. It’s just the vibe I’m getting. They seem like a phony to me.
Donston
Gender and sexual fluidity are real. And they come in many forms. While the orientation spectrum is incredibly varied. So, dictating identities and people’s sense of self is never a good thing. If someone wants to call themselves them/they let them. It ain’t harming nobody. However, Nico has been a culture leech who has said many ignorant and insecure and things. While they/them doesn’t seem interested in discussing real, nuanced issues or contributing anything beyond self-promoting and branding. Those are the real problems with Nico.
Vince
I know allot of actors who are pretentious douchebags but this one takes it to a whole other meaning.
Also, the only place gender fluidity is real is in your head Don.
Prinny
I see the attention ***** is back with a new attempt for attention
Godabed
Nico seems like a genuinely nice person trying to live his life, I don’t get the appeal though. I’ve never really seen him in anything, yet he gets a lot of coverage on this site. Yet I still don’t know them.
UsernameJones
This is an unambiguous dude. HE is a HE. There isn’t even a hint of androgyny. Nonsense.
canadiankid
I find the pronouns confusing personally. Why do you have to reject both pronouns? I don’t understand how people can decide they aren’t a man or woman but a neutral “them” and expect everyone to remember and do that all the time. Especially when they typically express themselves as one gender. I accept queer people and fluid gender expression but to then reject pronouns too is a bit much. I think people who reject pronouns should work out why they dissociate from their pronouns. Is that wrong?
ShiningSex
He’s so annoying!!!! Total queen. No one is buying your bs. It’s goes back and forth constantly. Also, he dresses so horribly!!!
ShiningSex
I also think that uses the pronouns “they/them” has become ammunition for the conservative idiots that say calling yourself “they/them” is referencing your “mental illness/split personality”. YES, that’s how ignorant they are, but this is fueling that ignorance too. It shouldn’t, but it does.
You can’t help ignorance.
Chrisk
Sexuality is so fluid so why give gay people any special rights at all. It’s not like skin color that you can’t change. People choose it as frequently as the shirt they wear every day.
Of course it’s all BS and yes the “they/them” bullshitters most definitely fuel the discrimination. Exactly what the religious right wingers want you to believe ie you can change. You don’t need to be a sociologist to figure this out.
But hey. Whatever floats Nico’s boat and gets him some free publicity.
bachy
I like Boy George’s perception that tortured pronouns are a “modern form of attention-seeking.” It may not be easy to know who identifies as what, but it’s obvious who’s desperate to bogart the social media spotlight.
Prax07
He’s a guy I can’t stomach so while I do like the walking dead stuff I’ll be skipping this until he’s inevitably killed off. Some people are just not worth watching, he’s one of them.
elemirion
Why is it that suddenly all their graphics are on Instagram but the links don’t work. They used to just put up the graphics, pictures etc, but now they are on Instagram and with no link to them. Bad web design!
maxlovesrio
Anybody that tells me their pronouns is the kind of snowflake who is going to get offended by anything that you say. They just want attention. I can’t be bothered by those people. If somebody tells me their pronouns, I tell them that I am racially fluid and today I am a different race from what I obviously am.
CityguyUSA
Just because someone thinks misusing pronouns somehow equalizes the world doesn’t mean it does. It sounds uneducated and it does accomplish that.
enlightenone
If you have to “man up” to bottom, you shouldn’t do it – sounds like sexual abuse? He/she/them/they make it feel like masking tape ripping off pubic hair!
Josh447
Agreed. Kind of like they them sounds when used as a singular pronoun.
Josh447
You said that already. Got it.