The latest comedy YouTube video from Michael Henry touches on a slightly more serious topic: Is life easier for gay men who pass as straight? Or do those who are more easily identifiable as gay have some advantages over their ‘straight-acting’ brothers?
In the video, Henry brings up the subject with two friends – one of whom, Darren, is straight-acting while the other, Tonatiuh, is more… well, camp.
“Do you think it’s easier to be a gay person if you could come across as straight?” asks Henry, leading Tonatiuh to say that straight-passing gays have benefits – to the surprise of their more traditionally masculine-appearing friend, Darren.
What sort of benefits are there to passing as straight, Darren asks.
How about we take this to the next level?
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“You probably don’t get called f*ggot in the streets,” offers Henry. “And some gay men might find you more attractive because you come across as straight.” He also mentions potential career advancement benefits.
“You get to reveal your gayness when you feel like it, when you’re ready for it, and when you feel safe. Some queer people don’t get the same privilege,” adds Tonatiuh.
However, Darren counters that Henry and his other pal have enjoyed some benefits from being “clearly gay.”
He says it’s a burden to have to constantly come out and explain to people his sexuality – something that people who are “clearly gay” have to do less often.
Related: WATCH: Why the sexiest gay men are often the most lonely
Henry agrees that he, “never even had to come out – everybody just knew who I was before I knew who I was.”
Darren replies that his parents were shocked when he came out as they had no idea. He also says that those who appear straight-acting may be pretending, depressed, or envious of those who can behave in a way many perceive as more obviously gay.
However, he concedes he’s never been mocked or called names such as “sissy” or “fairy”.
The discussion is undercut with plenty of comic moments, but at its heart is a real message: being your authentic self can come with all sorts of challenges.
Related: WATCH: Michael Henry’s new video about drinking is hilarious until you realize how true it is
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Whilst I hate this new various incarnations of “privilege” thingy, I have seen the downside for a Gay who is very effeminate and actually the same for myself in the opposite. I have always been very “straight” appearing. Have always been a gym rat keeping myself in as best shape possible. So much so that frequently when traveling to new cities am questioned intensively at times prior to being allowed into a Gay bar. My standard reply is “ask the guy I am going to hook up with tonight just how Gay I am tomorrow”
On the reverse I have friends who are pretty effeminate proudly open and a lot of fun to be with. I at times have had to defend them from bullies, who suddenly faced with a Gay guy standing up to them advising if they Don’t leave immediately they will be in possession of a mouth full of bloody Chiclets. However what really is infuriating sometimes are discriminated against by fellow Gays. For “acting too Gay”..…
maleficent
another idiotic post from the fool
rustyiam
Is this anything like black privilege?
Hussain-TheCanadian
Rusty you’re an enigma, I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with you when it comes to black folks, did a beautiful daddy chocolate hunk teebag you and skedaddle??
Kangol2
@Hussain, Rustyspunk is just a deeply unhappy, garden-variety racist, who’s violently triggered by tattoos on men of all colors for some reason. He’d probably be a lot happier if he could work through his toxic feelings about Black people and other non-Whites, tattoos, and the rest, but he’d rather just troll. And that’s his sad right to do so.
Hussain-TheCanadian
I tend to easily hide when I’m in big groups, especially among family friends. When the topic sometimes shifts to gay people, and I start hearing billsh*t, and I start defending, it never crosses their mind that I’m gay, but a western “marxist heathen”.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Hiding in plain site. :-p
Hussain-TheCanadian
😉
Chris
WTF….I’m so tired of hearing about stuff like this. So, basically “straight” acting gays are now being dissed for being who they are. I am who I am just as more fem acting guys are who they are. They don’t want to be ostracized for how they are, well neither do I. I’m not acting anyway; I am who I am and won’t apologize to anyone. If someone wants to act camp all the time then power to them. If I don’t act like that then that’s who I am and owe no explanation or apology to any one.
I don’t have any more privileges than any other gay guy. In fact, I was fired from a financial institution for being gay and I can guarantee I was more masculine acting then damn near any other guy in the bank.
Let’s shut all this stupid $h!t up.
pierscik
It seems a perfectly reasonable topic to discuss. I can’t really see where in this article straight acting people were ‘dissed’.
Donston
It’s a bit of a double-edged sword. I don’t have to deal with being harassed by randoms. And that’s a huge plus. But I also overhear a lot of male homophobic/anti-gay shit because people don’t think there’s a male “queer” amongst them. I have often been told that I will eventually not want to be with a guy any longer because I’m not a stereotype. My former boss is a “queer” who’s married to a female and would constantly tell me that I’m not really into dudes because I’m not effeminate and not homo. Honestly, sociology is a mess for everyone out here. But more “overt” people definitely face greater harassments and danger.
C_Alan
@PlaysWellWithOthers writes: “… gym rat…best shape possible…am questioned prior to being allowed into a Gay bar…”
Some observations:
1. Lots of gay guys are gym rats some in better shape than you
2. Gay bars don’t seek to keep gym rats out. They want them in
3. The ridiculous thing you describe never happened
Lookyloo
I thought we stopped with the term “straight acting” for out gay men no matter their behavior/appearance.
Because, just like those who’re fem or camp, it’s not an “act.”
The only time a gay guy is “straight acting” is when he’s in the closet, lying, and/or denying his orientation by dating/sleeping with women.
Kangol2
I also think this is a perfectly reasonable conversation for gay men to have. In general, though, I think more effeminate, flamboyant, and non-gender conforming men/boys catch far more hell. But even gay men who can pass for straight do as well. I’ll say that most gay/bi men spot me and I spot them, and I respect them however they present, which is all that matters.
ShowMeGuy
I love the privilege of going to the gay bar and getting hit on by straight women all night while the hot gay guys ignore me.