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WATCH: “Daily Show” Calls For Ban On Non-Gays In Wake Of Petraeus Sex Scandal

The sex scandal involving General David Petraeus just keeps getting sexier – if you’re into that kinda hetero crap – so leave it to The Daily Show to come up with a permanent solution.

“A few symbolic firings is not going to do the trick. We have to do something about heterosexuals in the military,” said Senior Military Analyst John Oliver. “They’ve got to be banned. If we think about it, it was probably a mistake to let them in in the first place. Traditional armies were always gay, Jon…read the Bible. These people are incapable of monogamy. ”

So in place of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” look for the armed forces to institute “Don’t Tell…Just Let Me Guess.”

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