LOSE YOURSELF

WATCH: Is Eminem Trying To One-Up Frank Ocean’s Coming Out?

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In the mangled thicket that is Eminem’s angry, psychosexual rap music, nothing flummoxes us more than his on-again, off-again relationship with the gays. Like the waves of the might Pacific—or a bout with Chlamydia—our BFF from Michigan has a fascination with homosexuality that ebbs and flows.

First, there was the anti-faggotry period of his early years where, through his alter ego Slim Shady, we were blessed with, um,”poetry”like, “I’m ready to make everyone’s throats ache. You faggots keep egging me on till I have you at knife point, then you beg me to stop?” and “My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge. And I’ll stab you in the head, whether you’re a fag or les…”

Makes us feel all warm and fuzzy. And by warm and fuzzy, we mean worthless and dehumanized.

Then came Eminem’s “As long as you don’t try to suck my dick I’m okay with it”  phase, where he tried to explain how his use of F-bombs wasn’t homophobic: “Faggot was, like, it was thrown around constantly, to each other, like in battling, you know what I mean?” he told Anderson Cooper on 60 Minutes. “I don’t have any problem with nobody, you know what I mean. Like, I’m just whatever.”

We kind of got a glimpse of this side of Em back when he performed with Elton John during the 2001 Grammy Awards. Of course, Mr. Mathers says he didn’t know Elton was gay. (And really, how does one know?)

But the undated video above, which recently surfaced on the black gossip site Bossip, places the “Stan” singer in a new phase. In it, a clearly altered Eminem recounts how a hip-hop witch put her spectral finger in his butt. Yep,  America’s most notorious white rapper got penetrated.

This admission might not be gay or even post-gay, but it certainly puts Em in a category all by himself. Thank you hip-hop enchantress, whomever you are, for releasing Shady from the shackles of his queer obsession once and for all. (We hope.)