CLOSET CASE

WATCH: It’s 1998 In Hailey Rowe’s World. Watch “My Boyfriend Is Gay”


Singer Hailey Rowe (we haven’t heard of her either) has just released a new single, “My Boyfriend Is Gay,” in which she discovers—horror of horrors—that her beloved is actually a pole smoker of some repute.

Rowe’s voice isn’t terrible, and the music has a Rebecca Black-style inoffensiveness to it, but we really have to ask if Rowe is up to date on the sexual zeitgeist of 2013.

Nowadays, if a young citified woman’s man likes other men, she probably knows—and likes to watch. She’s certainly not tipped off because  “His favorite color was turquoise and he always drank chocolatinis through a straw.”

Even Sex and the City was a little more sophisticated than that.

Here are some other cringe-worthy lyrics:

Maybe it was his Cher playlist
Or his craving to be A-list
Or how he knew the words to every Britney song (oh baby, baby)

Perhaps it was that poodle
Or those cheese-filled strudels
He used to dip into his Frappuccino grande

A Frappuccino? Do you know how many fat grams are in those things? No gay man, down-low or otherwise would order one.

Rowe’s overall view seems to be, “My guy did something other than swill beer and give me three minutes of missionary—I think he’s a fag!”

Let’s add this song to the list of things straight people should never say.