WATCH: Ripped Apart By DOMA, A Gay Binational Couple’s Heartbreaking Goodbye

David and Jason met in 2007 during a trip Jason made to Los Angeles. Over the three days Jason was there, he and David fell in love and somehow managed to stay together through six years, 5,000 miles and 90-day tourist visas.

David and Jason married in New York in 2012, but Jason “isn’t welcome to the US as a Husband,” David writes on The DOMA Project. A UK citizen, Jason is only able to visit David for 90 days on a tourist visa. As they filmed Missing Husband, David and Jason were awaiting a decision on Jason’s H-1B work visa, which would’ve allowed him to stay for at least three years :

Jason has been warned for 2 years that he has visited the US too often using tourist visa waivers. It’s currently recommended that he wait 6 months before returning, or he may be denied entry as a visitor.

What most people don’t realize is that when Jason has landed, whether or not he is allowed out of LAX airport is at the discretion of the Customs and Border Protection officer. The past 2 years he has been taken aside to a small interview room, interrogated and had his luggage searched by officers suspecting he is lying about his reasons for visiting. They scoff at any explanation of the years of difficulties he’s had obtaining a visa, replying “it’s not that hard”.

This is why the days leading up to his return are always filled with dread. In the run up to his visit, friends and family say, “…you must be so excited! I bet you can’t wait to see him!” which is true. But behind those conversations, all I can think about is the terrifying hour (or 2, or 3) after his plane lands and whether or not he’ll make it past customs and out of the airport.

Unfortunately, just days before their sixth anniversary, David and Jason learned that Jason’s work visa petition had been denied. They spent their anniversary apart and have no idea when they’ll be able to see each other again.

In the meantime, they’re awaiting another decision: the Supreme Court’s verdict on the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act in June. Depending on how the nine Justices rule, binational same-sex couples like David and Jason will be able to spend their anniversaries together — and be entitled to over a thousand rights currently only to available to heterosexual couples.

For more info visit The DOMA Project.

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #politics #binationalcouples #doma(defenseofmarriageact) stories and more


  • Deepdow

    One day this world will be right.

  • Dakotahgeo

    This true life story is not only heartbreaking, but downright damn disgusting! May the day come soon when this immigration silliness is put to rest permanently. DOMA WILL die, and not a second too soon!

  • jeff4justice

    This is sickening. I am so pissed off at seeing people in love being hurt by these inhumane laws.

    According to the YouTube owner of this vid, “An end to DOMA will open up marriage-related immigration benefits including green cards for our foriegn born spouses and step children, and fiancé(e) visas for our foreign born partners (and their children). There will be no barriers left to binational couples consisting of? lesbian and gay US citizens and our foreign national partners. There are many other good reasons for LGBT inclusive comprehensive immigration reform, but this issue is resolved when DOMA is gone.”

    I was not sure if that’s correct but I hope it is.

    Does this mean for an American gay person to be able to get a green card for your spouse that:

    1) DOMA has to be repealed and gays who marry in states where it’s legal can get their spouse citizenship?


    2) The immigration reform bill has to include law to allow an American gay person to be able to get a green card for their spouse?

    Is this a whatever comes first situation? Anyone know?

  • hikerwild

    It is appalling… After thirteen years my partner an I have been separated for a.year…with me flying to see him since he can’t get a visa. So totally relate and just working for the day we can live our lives together. Stay strong friends!

  • kennetho9322

    I wouldn’t hold my breath. It doesn’t look like American immigration laws are going to change anytime soon. If the government allowed gays (partnered or not) into the country, the flood of refugees from Second/ Third World & developing nations would be overwhelming. Just imagine if you were a gay man in (pick a country) where you could be put to death simply because of your sexual orientation. Now, imagine ALL of those people flying to America and applying to become citizens. NOW, imagine heterosexuals from those same countries flying to America simply to get a better life but calling themselves “gay” in order to get in. How would you police that? Sorry guys but I say it’s an unfair situation that’s unlikely to be solved in our lifetime.

  • Lyceius


    WHAT???? THose Straight people that want a better life can oh I dont know….. MARRY SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSING GENDER!!! This already happens… That is the most ridiculous explanation I have read on the subject. I dont think there would be an influx of straight men running to get married to gay men in order to get citizenship. There are many single lonely women they can attach to instead.

  • tdx3fan

    @jeff4justice: It would depend on the fine details of the ruling, but a complete overturn should mean that all rights that are given to straight married couples would be given to gay married couples that were married and reside in a state that recognizes gay marriage (which would include immigration rights).

  • tdx3fan

    @Lyceius: …and they already do attach to them. This has been going on for decades. Straight men and women already use untraditional methods to get citizenship. There are quite a few male order brides to this day. I think the ops argument bodes more towards why it should be allowed rather than why it should not be allowed in regards to gay immigration.

  • Surg

    That goodbye hurt like shit! It’s the saddest thing I’ve seen in a while, I’m not sure why someone would want to keep a couple going thru this.

  • Danniboi

    Hang in there David and Jason!! DOMA will fall!

    I think we have been lucky that I come from the UK and my partner was in a position to be able to come and live with me, but she wants to go home to her family in the so-called “Land of the Free”, incidentally the only place where we have been heckled and humiliated, simply for holding hands in a public place.

    DOMA is wrong, and it hurts not only LGBT people, but the family and friends who love them too. We have been together 9 years. Why should my partner have to continue to choose between the person she loves and the country belongs to. Her family miss her. I would follow her anywhere if I could.

Comments are closed.