WATCH: Praise Be And Hallelujah! Michele Bachmann Not Seeking Re-Election

Using the special gel filter reserved for daytime soap operas and RuPaul‘s close-ups on Drag Race, Minnesota Congresswoman, noted loon and GOP dashboard bobble head figurine Michele Bachmann announced she will not seek re-election for a fifth (seriously, Minnesota?) term.

Without giving a specific reason (but shoveling out a whole lot of other crap) Bachmann claims that, much like the president, eight years in office is enough. And for once, we completely agree with her.

Bachmann goes on to say that she could totes win her seat again if she wanted, but she doesn’t, okay? The glass-eyed lawmaker also dismisses any speculation that her announcement has anything to do with the “recent inquiries into the activities of my former presidential campaign or my former presidential staff.”

Well, we’re convinced.

During the video’s painfully long eight minutes and 40 seconds, we’re treated to a loser’s victory lap as Bachmann calls out the Obama administration’s alleged failings, while reassuring everyone that she’ll continue to work “100-hour weeks” in her fight for “traditional marriage, family values [and] religious liberty.” Her gay husband no doubt by her hypocritical side the entire way.

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  • Teleny

    Let’s hope this witch stays home and shuts her mouth.

  • Ruhlmann

    NOW can we burn her at the stake?

  • Charles

    The Palin is strong with this one…

  • gaymaniac

    Off she goes, on the trash heap of hisory. We must stay on alert though, there are many political zombies, that have managed to stage a comeback.

  • ouragannyc

    Good riddance!

  • FStratford

    … and announces she will host a show on Fox.

  • macmantoo

    @FStratford: I don’t know, it seems in order to be a Fox person you would have had to lost your seat. To me they only hire losers. While this one qualifies as a loser she still won her seat.

  • hephaestion

    No more Bachmann? Now I’m SUPER!! Thanks for asking!!
    Will her gay husband’s de-gaying clinic still get federal funding?

  • NateB79

    Of course this means that it will still be a Republican that wins the seat. She had to step down because the GOP knew that with her insanity, the seat would go to whatever Democrat ran against her.

  • Cam

    Previously she could come out, say something inflammatory raise a bit of money and win her seat with no work.

    In the LAST election she had to work, her opponent raised a bunch of money, Bachman wasn’t able to sit back and hoard piles of cash, she had to spend it all AND she only won by a few thousand votes.

    That same opponent is already raising money again and is out-raising her. She knew she was done.

  • 1EqualityUSA


  • 2eo

    @Charles: I had a quite indignant thought about you bringing up Michael Palin for a second.

    Then I realised not everyone is British or as ardent a Pythonite as I.

    I wish she’d gun her family and herself in the worlds most awesome murder-suicide pact ever devised.

  • Kangol

    Oh how we’ll all miss this crazy little minx. Not.

    I do wonder, though, what gigs she’s got lined up, since she plans to work “‘100-hour weeks’ in her fight for ‘traditional marriage, family values [and] religious liberty.'”

    Heritage? Faux? Family Research Council? 700 Kkklub?

  • Gigi Gee

    Who could listen to 8:40 of Michele “The Beard” Bachmann. The only reason that attention seeking publicity [email protected] isn’t seeking reelection is because even she realizes that no amount of gerrymandering and Obama-bashing could convince the good people of Minnesota to allow her position in office. That and the fact that she’s currently under investigation for refusing to pay her campaign workers unless they sign a non-disclosure agreement. Hmmmm, I wonder what’s going on over at Camp Bachmann that they want to staff to stay mum about?

  • Rad

    Who will the Koch Brothers back now?

    I only ask that someone please turn off her microphone and usher her to the door.

  • D P

    @LESTER BRATHWAITE – Thank you for the suggestion to WATCH her video, but I’ll have to pass. I don’t think I could stomach watching or listening to this broad for more than a few seconds;

    @Ruhlmann: – HaHaHa! I love it! Hey, I’ll bring the matches!;

    @hephaestion: – I think they should include their clinic in the investigation;

    @Cam: – …just like any self-basting turkey would..;

    @2eo: – I love it, AND I want a front-row seat!

  • D P

    P.S. I hereby publicly apologize to any turkey who was offended by my associating the likes of this witch to your community. I am sincerely sorry.

  • D9W

    See I told you there is a Dog. And she just pittled on Michele Bachmann foot Hallelujah!

  • Hermes3X

    Gay Rights and Human Rights Win.

    That should be the title, please queerty, give these idiots no more credit then they are due. “Hallelujah” do we say that, really?

    She signed up for the wrong team, the team of hate. Hate lost this election cycle (though it usually wins). But mostly reason for her resign is the scrutiny she called on herself finally yielded results in investigations of her campaign spending and also the fact that she barely won her election last time (1% a matter of a few thousand folks in her district). But why she would announce her “not running” so early is curious. My guess is that 1) she is fishing for a better deal than the republicans are offering (Fox show?) and 2) the repugs want an open field for her district.

    Obviously the party wants to keep a seat that was narrowly won and one of the most costly in Minnesota. And she’s probably too loony even for fox, if that’s possible. But it’s more likely she will be awarded a life-long, six-figure career bringing donuts and coffee to the conference room at one of those republican (grave yards) think tanks.

    As the poster child for (hate) the Tea Party, and I don’t understand why your heading wasn’t at least “Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead.”

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