For some, coming out is a long, drawn-out process, fraught with tears, adrenaline and immense relief.
And then there are these guys, who share their wonderfully no-frills experiences on Whisper:
SHH
What Closet? These Guys Never Had To Come Out
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Martin Talbot
The internet generation ! ð???ð??¬ð??ð???
Glücklich
Nice to see these and to keep in mind “coming out” doesn’t *have* to be an event. Not everyone wants or needs to make a major announcement, issue a statement, or have A Very Special Episode.
SonOfKings
The problem, though, with these younger gay, who never had to struggle with identity or acceptance is they are sometimes insentive to or dismissive of the plight of other gays that didn’t have it this easy. Kind of like Blacks that gew up in affluence, never experiencing racism; so they don’t understand the need for civil rights activism. I suppose it’s good that we see these signs of progress, but the next young gay that says “I don’t see a need for gay rights because I’ve never (personally) been wronged…” I’m gonna’ punch.
onthemark
Doing it non-verbally or non-overtly is still coming out. Bringing your bf home, introducing him as your bf? Kissing him in front of your parents? Gee, I really think that still qualifies as coming out!
Chris
May we arrive at a time when what these young people describe is taken for granted.
Tom'nRichard Wilhein
I think it’s great they can do this. I’m concerned that there seems to be a self-congratulatory tone in some of these. An “I just did it – what’s the big deal?” kiss off. I sense a lack of understanding of what went before that enabled them to “just do it”. For those who worked so hard and risked everything to get them to this point – Thank You Very Much.
salex
tom-richard. at times it was an awful price to be oneself
we did it and were part of the emotional process of being oneself in effect
assisting all gays in telling the world the that we are and always have been a valuable partner(group) of the human species.
Glücklich
@onthemark:
You and I have been round this mulberry bush already but in the above instances, and likely going forward, “coming out” is meant more literally, as in sitting someone down and saying “I’m gay,” rather than just going about their business. It accomplishes the same thing, similar to “laying off” a troublesome employee when I’d rather fire them: either way they’re out and not pissing me or clients off anymore.
nojam75
@<a href="#comment-@SonOfKings: “>SonOfKings: So maybe all gay Republicans come from non-closet families.
onthemark
@Glücklich: Wow, um… interesting analogy coming from you… firing a troublesome employee? (hopefully not a gay employee lol) 🙂
I suppose a lot of it is that parents nowadays are much more aware of gayness as a possibility. So they’ve noticed little clues already and they’ve acclimated themselves to the notion. So it doesn’t require overt discussion like in the past, when parents were generally naive & ignorant about the subject, maybe had weird ideas about it that needed dispelling, etc.
tusgold
well when my BF was 14 years younger than me he was 18 I was 32 and we lived together a while everyone got the drill. He’s a criminal attorney and he is lucky I have an MBA and he knows like zero about making money. He’s still be driving a corvette if I didn’t double his retainer.Bn 28 years now. These porn guys over my life are more and more fucked up my bf says cause the drugs are so much stronger and guys are in addiction much younger
Milk Dud
@SonOfKings: The reason you can post something so ignorant is because you haven’t experienced anything you’re talking about. Fitting that you made this stupid post in February.
Paco
If they are out and proud, then why tell about it on Whisper?
Conan McKegg
This is all wrong. They’re still coming out. Coming out isn’t all weeping and grand declarations.
It can be as simple as “Dad, meet my boyfriend Dave.” “Hey there Dave.”
I’m against this nonsense simply because it makes coming out of the closet something to be ashamed of.
That guys who are in the closet longer are shameful or lesser gay men.
We all come out because we live in a heteronormative society. It’s just for some of us coming out is more a technicality than it is for others.
Victor Lopez
Feeling a bit entitled? Don’t forget the generations that came before you who put you where you are now.
Glücklich
@Victor Lopez:
Huh?
Please see my comment about bowing and scraping on this Queerty post:
http://www.queerty.com/heres-why-you-need-to-respect-gay-men-of-a-certain-age-20160130#comments
David Holmes
Every single Whisper listed here is still a coming out story (except perhaps mom knowing when the kid was 3). It doesn’t have to be verbal. I’m sure there are also plenty more where these came from in which the reception wasn’t so chill.
bottom250
I have be extremely effeminate and flamboyant since I was a small child I never had to come out. It was obvious since I was little.
SonOfKings
@Milk Dud: Is there a coherent argument in your confused statement about me? Please be more specific.
SonOfKings
@Glücklich: Yes, coming out should not have to be an announcement or an event. But, I’ve found that even if you are fortunate enough to impart that knowledge, subtly, in the minds of 90% of the concerned parties; you will (at some point) have to make a more formal announcement to someone who never really got the hint. There are people in my life I’ve always assumed knew I was gay, but I’ve recently discovered don’t know at all.
dbmcvey
How about one that says “I never had to come out, thanks to the GLBT people before me who fought long and hard so that the laws and stigmas were changed so that it wasn’t an issue.”
MadMikenCT
My family always knew – but made me come out to them anyway. Now none of them speak to me. Why did I even bother?
zooby
One does need to come out. Simply expecting people to “go with the flow” when you introduce someone will make it strange for many friends. Better to have them understand it AND KNOW before you decide to involve someone else in your life.
Also, coming out “with your boyfriend” is extremely selfish and unfair to the guy you are dating. I’ve seen it backfire and families putting the blame on the BF for “turning their son gay” or having bad image. Whereas if people come out beforehand, they’ll have time to assimilate it before you decide to introduce someone,.
CWM85
My mom said she knew one day almost ten years ago and that was it as far as family closet. I was 20. I’ve been fortunate, unlike many of my friends and clients I’ve work with through out the years.
Glücklich
@dbmcvey:
Sure, as soon you say “Thanks to all those WWII vets, I’m not living ‘The Man in the High Castle.'”
Please see my comment about bowing and scraping on this Queerty post:
http://www.queerty.com/heres-why-you-need-to-respect-gay-men-of-a-certain-age-20160130#comments
dbmcvey
@Glücklich: I have always given credit to vets. It’s not a matter of bowing and scraping it’s a matter of knowing how you got where you are and that things didn’t just happen without blood being spilled. Now, shut up.
onthemark
@Glücklich: I’m grateful to the Revolutionary War vets, if it weren’t for them we’d all be speaking English…
strix1
@Tom’nRichard Wilhein: Totally agree…let’s hope no one forgets where this all started and the journey that led to where we are today and where we are headed!!
CCTR
@SonOfKings: I do agree with your first sentence, but respectfully not the part about affluence.
Blacks that grow up in affluence usually don’t experience poverty, but in the US they most likely do experience racism.
SonOfKings
@CCTR: It’s not my opinion that affluent blacks don’t experience racism, just that they often don’t recognize it as such because they feel sheltered by their money, social status, and influential white friends they are certain will always “vouch” for them. It was affluent blacks who coined the term: “The only color that counts is green.” I agre that blacks who think net worth cancels out racism are deluded. But there are many who still smugly think that way. They believe they can buy their way into upscale (mostly white) circles. I interact with these types on the regular, and shake my head in dismay.
Spike
Here you have all the gay Bernie Bros . . . hating on the Democratic Establshment, don’t know and don’t care the path previous generations took to get here and how quickly it could all be undone by a GOP President and conservative SCOTUS.
Milk Dud
@SonOfKings: Didn’t think you could get any more ignorant. Go play in traffic, you won’t be missed.
musclemutt
I’ve come to think that being out at work says more about your workplace than it does about your courage, except when you have a very hostile environment and think it’s important anyway.
Guess it’s the same thing coming out at home, too.
At any rate I’m glad to see so many enlightened or at least tolerent situations for these new recruits to the gay agenda.