YAY HETEROSEXUALITY!

What Does A Straight Pride Parade Look Like? Ask Sao Paulo

The city of Soa Paulo just voted to hold Straight Pride on the third Sunday in December, as “one way to speak out against ‘excesses and privileges’ of the gay community—nevermind that Sao Paulo continues to discriminate against queers year round.

This year the city’s Straight Pride parade will be held of the 18th, one week before Christmas. Don’t the straights know that we hold most gay prides during June because all the June holidays kinda suck? Who has money to throw a huge pride parade right before Jesus’ birthday?

This reminds us gay comedian, Rob Nash’s rant on the very idea of Heterosexual Pride:

I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, “Well, hey, we don’t have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?” I remember when I was a kid I’d always ask my mom: “Why don’t we have a Kid’s Day? We have a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day, but why don’t we have a Kid’s Day?” My mom would always say, “Every day is Kid’s Day.” To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can’t you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner?

But… we’re allowed to piss on the straight people at their banquet, right? We can’t wait to see how many businesses and organizations get on board to show their straight pride and to remind the heterosexuals how much they support their presence. How many of you wanna bet that it’s just gonna be a bunch of churches? Will homos be allowed in the straight pride parade to show our solidarity with our heterosexual friends and neighbors?

So many questions. If we’re not busy with Christmas shopping, we’ll be watching closely to see just how you heteros celebrate your majority sexual status, Sao Paulo.

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39 Comments

  • Ambrose

    Love the protest signs!

  • Jonathonz

    I say if they have to have a “Straight Pride” parade just to see how ridiculous they’ll all feel then let ’em have at it. I have a feeling that straight pride parades are not going to be held annually, as gay parades are, in most major cities anytime soon.

  • jason

    Sao Paulo is a shit hole.

  • Tom

    When will they be holding their White Pride parade? (Oh, wait…)

  • greenmusic23f

    Yeah, the protest signs are cleverly done. :)

  • Ginger-Snap

    Excuse me. A heterosexual pride day is as valid as other “pride” days. There should also be a Family Pride day.

    You think a “Straight Pride” day is ridiculous? Have you see the Gay Pride parades.

    Listen to the “tolerant” crowd!

    I see how you don’t like it. And I’m gay!

  • Icaro

    We Brazilian are ashamed of ourselves on the ‘Straight Pride’ parade. Why a straight people should have shame on being straight? We know that!

  • ChrisC

    @Jameas: Why!? Families aren’t under attack and or deprived of equal rights. Straight people aren’t under attack ethier, nor are they deprived of equal rights. “Straight Pride” is pointless. Although I don’t agree with the sexualization of Gay Pride nor do I see what a lot of the costumes have to do with pride…we still need pride to let people know not only have we not given up, we aren’t going anywhere.

    PS: Why do I think you’re just another one of those Straight people who come on here and pretend to be Gay just to troll/detract from stories on here?

  • Armand

    Straight Pride in Sao Paulo?

    *yawns*

    Why attract attention to a parade? The worst that will happen is revenue for the city that has thousands of favelas in need of food, water, electricity, and education.

  • OneVoice

    DANIEL VILLARREAL is not able to write anything that does not seem to be at a first grade intellectual level. Seriously, DANIEL VILLARREAL, how is it that you are even employable?

  • TomChicago

    Will there be any kind of admission criteria that would exclude liars from this event? That might shorten what will surely be a boring day.

  • Phytos

    @OneVoice:

    This article was honestly better than most. Stop trolling.

  • Rich J

    We can start an org. Friends & Parents of Heteros & Gays, FPHaG pronounced Fags

  • Henry

    They’re throwing it before Christmas because Jesus Christ is Our Lord of the Straights.

  • Paul

    So whats the anti straight pride all about. Why shouldnt straights enjoy a day out if they want. Do get a grip and stop bleating about how put down the gay community is. I see Gay friends having a ball, theyre pretty much all solvent and happy to be living their lives, no matter what people think. I doubt this would negatively affect any gays I know.

  • Dawnelle

    @Tom:
    No where in the article did it mention race, so please do not make this a white issue. It is a known fact that their are blacks, mexicans, asians, etc out their that are homophobic.

  • fabio

    For those who wants a straith pride day, what about you all also take some punches and kicks in the ass while you’re kissing your partner at the streets too… or maybe loose you job because you have a “heterophobic boss”? Take the hole package and then itl will be fair !!!!
    bullshit !

  • anonymous

    @Dawnelle:

    Tom is making the point that privileged majorities do not need things such as pride parades (usually.) Like how straight people are the privileged majority across the world, white people are in many places as well, such as the US. You missed the point.

    “Straight pride” is often just a mask to spite and belittle the lgbt community. They don’t do it for pride at all. It’s not straight pride anyway. It’s anti-gay pride.

  • skzip888

    Finally. A place where heterosexuals can shamelessly cow people with pictures of their grandchildren and give long nagging speeches on leaving the toilet seat down.

  • tati

    Yep, São Paulo keeps ashaming all of us brazilians. That state is holding a grudge over the rest of he country, because we’re not right-wingers. They want to be the brazilian tea party land. So lame.

  • Aaron in Honolulu

    We don’t have “straight pride” parades the same way we don’t have white history month. Plus, has anyone heard of Mardi Gra? That shit is chock full of heterosexual propaganda. lol

  • Lina

    @ChrisC:

    Straight people aren’t deprived of equal rights? So all the minorities who are straight and don’t get equal treatment that means nothing huh?

    I have nothing against gay people but the ones who over do it and are like pushing it up in peoples faces disgust me. Don’t look for attention and then cry when you get it.

  • Aleks

    @Lina: straight people can be discriminated for being members of SOME MINORITY, yes. but they are NOT discriminated SOLELY FOR BEING HETEROSEXUAL.
    This does not happen. ever. PERIOD.

  • B

    The notion that gays are under attack is BS. Doing so gets one fired, put in jail, blacklisted, the whole nine yards. So stop lying. It’s annoying.

    If you gays were for “equality”, none of you would be against a straight pride parade. You all are completely hypocritical; your arguments are false and paper-thin. You all don’t want equality. You want special rights. Period.

  • Andy

    Straight Pride? Ha, more like Closeted, Self-Haters Parade.

  • Andy

    Straight Pride? Ha, more like Closeted, Self-Haters Parade.

    @B: Can you list any special rights gays are asking for?

  • Andy

    Straight Pride? Ha, more like Closeted, Self-Haters Parade.

    @B: Can you list any special rights gays are asking for??

  • Ivorydick

    Every day is straight pride day for 98% of the population of every village, town & city around the globe

  • Mikayla

    Isn’t Mardi Gras pretty much the straight eqivilant of pride?

  • Jane

    This is stupid as fuck until this so called straight streak knows how it feels to be gay they should not talk. And matter da toy it’s like it exceeds the simple-mindness in America. The so called everyone’s equal country.

  • TASTEY GOODIES

    @Rich J: LOL!!!!! I LUV THE ACRONYM. WAY RAD!!

  • Skull

    Hey Jonathonz,do you feel rediculous at your poof parades?

  • jay

    im not here to hate and i’m not gay ro bi or lesb or tran in fact I’m straight(please don’t ignore my comment because of it.) I understand you guys are upset but maybe the people like me who are straight are trying to send the message it’s okay who you are and should be proud of yourself but you don’t necessarily need parades because having to see that makes me think for some queer people that they don’t have a high enough self esteem to go without parades and also please be open if you guys don’t like being discriminated against and hated then please don’t do it to the straights. I’m not saying all I’m just referring to the self entitled headstrong people. Finally, here’s a point I gotta make 80% of America is Christian
    and 90-98%ish is straight (fact not opinion). Since I kinda get the meaning of using the rainbow but i sugest you guys drop it all together because for those who have heard of
    Noah’s Ark God made a covenant (a rainbow) to say he’d never flood the Earth again, so you guys wanna be tolerated yet you go up to Christians and to alot of straights pervert one of their greatest symbols it’s almost like you want to be hated for it. (some queer
    people not all)

  • Cindy

    Strait people should be able to be proud for being strait, just like LGBT should be proud! simple as that.

  • Cindy

    @Jane: why can’t i be proud to be strait? Is it a crime?

  • Cindy

    @Ivorydick: every day is no one pride. every day is every day. you wouldn’t act any different on a regular day.

  • Cindy

    @Aleks: well it must happen somewhere, because it happens to me. some lgbt people(not all) judge if you are strait. and it sucks.

  • spemat

    well, since I am bisexual, I can hit both

Comments are closed.