What Does A Straight Pride Parade Look Like? Ask Sao Paulo

The city of Soa Paulo just voted to hold Straight Pride on the third Sunday in December, as “one way to speak out against ‘excesses and privileges’ of the gay community—nevermind that Sao Paulo continues to discriminate against queers year round.

This year the city’s Straight Pride parade will be held of the 18th, one week before Christmas. Don’t the straights know that we hold most gay prides during June because all the June holidays kinda suck? Who has money to throw a huge pride parade right before Jesus’ birthday?

This reminds us gay comedian, Rob Nash’s rant on the very idea of Heterosexual Pride:

I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, “Well, hey, we don’t have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?” I remember when I was a kid I’d always ask my mom: “Why don’t we have a Kid’s Day? We have a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day, but why don’t we have a Kid’s Day?” My mom would always say, “Every day is Kid’s Day.” To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can’t you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner?

But… we’re allowed to piss on the straight people at their banquet, right? We can’t wait to see how many businesses and organizations get on board to show their straight pride and to remind the heterosexuals how much they support their presence. How many of you wanna bet that it’s just gonna be a bunch of churches? Will homos be allowed in the straight pride parade to show our solidarity with our heterosexual friends and neighbors?

So many questions. If we’re not busy with Christmas shopping, we’ll be watching closely to see just how you heteros celebrate your majority sexual status, Sao Paulo.