“I’m not ashamed and I feel like passing on the mentality that you should always be yourself. Obviously, some of my stuff is not meant for under eighteen, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. I think Americans, especially, are afraid of sexuality.
We all have bodies and pretending sex does not exist or making it seem taboo is how we get so many body-image disorders. Make fun of me all you want, but this is the real me, and it isn’t changing. Would that be so bad to teach my child?”
— Underwear model Colby Melvin to GaysWithKids on why guys in risque professions shouldn’t shy away from parenthood
jwtraveler
I agree. Funny, we don’t ask what people who work for gun makers, tobacco companies, alcohol manufacturers, war profiteers and rich executives of companies they underpay and exploit their workers should tell their children. As usual, the only immorality that most Americans are concerned about is sex.
Paco
Raise your kids the way you see fit, but just remember that once you do have kids, your life is no longer just all about you anymore. They will be affected by your life decisions as well.
ppp111
@jwtraveler: @Paco:
I know I’m gonna sound like a prude but here it goes: if you’re a guy in the industry who wants to have kids then you should get out of the business before having them. Remember, anything on the Internet is forever and sooner or later your image will be found. I’m not implying that guys that were in the industry should be outed; I’m just saying there are close-minded homophobes who will use that information against gay parents. I agree with Paco that how you raise your kids is your business but as Paco stated that once you have kids, the life you’re used to isn’t gonna be all about you anymore. There will be youngsters who will depend on you and they’ll have to face their own peers as well. Just my thoughts.
DonovanS28
Ummm no, I agree sex doesn’t have to be taboo but that doesn’t mean you have to agree with them being prostitutes, strippers, or porn stars. Bodily disorders don’t come form not accepting or agreeing the a risqué life being accepted it comes from not training children to be respectful about others natural appearances. Being a stripper/prostitute/porn star are completed different and in a different category and is not something we should hope or passively allow our children to pursue. Sex is fine have all the sex you want, but allowing someone to buy you for sexual service, and appeasements is not something that should be instilled in our youth.
Lvng1Tor
@DonovanS28: Do you watch porn? If you do, and maybe you don’t, then what is the difference of being the person buying the goods rather than selling. Should everyone who buys porn, goes to a strip club or has ever slept with a prostitute also not have children?
Porn performers, strippers and prostitutes (legal prostitutes…I do get a concern over street trade….yeah I know..I’m being hypocritical) are no less able than parents in other professions to raise children in a loving home and have them become successful adults. We have this idea that what they do is tied to morality or something beneath “good people” I’ve known a lot of really evil “good people” Plus who’s morality should we base who can and can not be a good parent on. LGBT people are constantly being told our “lifestyles” are immoral by “good people” what makes their assessment of gays any less than the judgement of sex/erotic/adult workers?
Mike G
Does this guy do porn, as well, or just underwear modelling? If just the latter, he and this article are being silly. I mean, as soon as kids are old enough to go outside or even glance at an adult magazine (I mean “for grown-ups”, not “pornographic”), they’re going to be seeing mostly naked models in ads, and on billboards, telephone booths (in big cities anyway) and the sides of buses — pretty much everywhere they look. Let alone what they’ll see on the Internet once they’re old enough to spell, unless they’re very, very sheltered. Myself, I’m not thrilled about the extensive use of provocative nudity for advertising purposes in general, but on the other hand, I also think children should be taught that there’s nothing shameful or embarrassing about the human body, or, starting pretty young though in age appropriate ways, about sex and reproduction.
If he’s talking about porn, that’s a bit different, but honestly, unless it’s really “kinky” stuff which raises even further issues that might prove more problematic, I dunno that it’s the end of the world. And apart from leaving the industry, I don’t know what the alternative would be. Lie through your teeth every day of your kids’ lives until they’re 18? That doesn’t seem very healthy either.
Plenty of straight (as well, presumably, as some bi and gay) porn actors, producers and others in the industry apparently have kids and you don’t hear horror stories about _them_. (And needless to say, if there were lots of them of to be told, we’d have heard about at least a few by now, 20 years after the Dawn of the World Wide Web.) It’s not like much porn is produced in the Bible Belt and its ilk to begin with. Most people in areas where it is produced are relatively tolerant, if not actually accepting, of it. And unless they’re taking the kids to work with them, I very much doubt “the authorities” in those areas even try to hassle them either. And thankfully, at least these days and going forward, it being gay/bi porn isn’t going to make much difference.
Realitycheck
Kids have a mind of their own, and more often then not they compensate for their parents shortcomings, by behaving independently from the parents teaching.
That said, it is all about the way things are done, there is a difference between teaching and talking openly about sex vs getting the kids a bit too close to the entire thing.
As Paco wisely said above:
“Raise your kids the way you see fit, but just remember that once you do have kids, your life is no longer just all about you anymore. They will be affected by your life decisions as well.”
Billy Budd
I am totally favorable to prostitutes having kids. As many kids as they want to. In my opinion prostitution should be legalized and regulated. Kids should be informed at an age when they are ready to understand these issues. End of story.
jwtraveler
@ppp111: If you’re gay and you’re concerned about what close-minded homophobes will think about gay parents, then you shouldn’t have children. If you live your life worrying about what homophobes, bigots and religious fundamentalists think about your choices in life, it won’t be much of a life.
dhmonarch89
these aren’t exactly steady jobs- if you’re in one of them- maybe you’re not ready to have kids yet.
Bauhaus
@dhmonarch89:
Here’s a little eye-opener. Lots of the actors you see in porn are parents. Escort, too. The question is, should they divulge that information with their children? Every parent has to be circumspect about a lot of aspects in life. There is an age and developmental appropriateness for sharing certain information. Of course, putting your child’s safety, happiness and growth, ahead of your own, should factor into weighing the decision about what, how much to share, and when.
DonovanS28
@Lvng1Tor: Did you read my post at all or just assume what I said and made up a response. I didn’t say anything about them not being parents. I said a risqué profession is not something that should encourage for our children to do when they get older. Cause heres the truth, those people are treated like shit especially females. If you daughter walked up to you and said; “Hey dad I’m shooting a video with this guy tomorrow but he is a total dick and I heard he hates woman, but he will be fucking me for $500 dollars that day.” Or if your son said it. People are trying to take the intimacy out of sex and thats not possible there is no such things as NSA. When you fuck a person or they fuck you there will always be feelings involved even if those feelings aren’t strong. Like I said sex is sex and no one should control how much people do it, but we also need to understand the effect it has on us.
Gigi Gee
How many gay men in “risque” professions have kids?
mmichael_24
Well I guess they wouldn’t be partaking in parent career day.
Clark35
@Gigi Gee: Exactly. Very few. All the gay male whores I know don’t have kids, and don’t want them.
Chris
Doesn’t Jeff Stryker have a child? Why not ask him, and other porn stars, how they deal with this issue? My guess would be that they range from being nonchalant to trying to hide the news from their kids.
Glücklich
@jwtraveler Hey now…why call out tobacco? My first job was at a tobacco company and I was, and continue to be, extremely proud of the work I did there. More importantly, I loved that company and the job. Even though my career has evolved way beyond those early positions, I will never remove the experience from my resume.