Mother's Day Madness

What To Do When Your Mom Invades San Francisco

I’ve never met a mother who didn’t love San Francisco–yes, even the religious conservative variety. It’s always inspiring to see Moms from, say, Little Rock visiting their gay boys in the cool, gray city of love. They start out resisting (and even denouncing) the gay scene but next thing you know they can be seen yacking it up with the drag queens and the center of attention with the boys of the Castro.

With Mother’s Day around the corner, it’s the perfect time to convince Mom to meet you in San Francisco for a weekend of nonstop fun that will have her delirious with new found friends and returning home to join the local PFLAG chapter in no time.

If you have ever been weary that the Land of Oz might be a little too colorful for Kansas Mom, don’t worry — the city has tons of things to make even prude Dorothys a little merry.

And because not all mommas were born the same, we created a guide to fit all sizes and shapes, from classy to cool, whether she’s a hip, adventurous type or the more traditional, finer-things-in-life sort.

Impress Her

Classy Mom will feel at home at the Sir Francis Drake, the elegantly iconic hotel located close to all the designer stores of Union Square. Cool Mom will relive her groupie heyday at the Phoenix Hotel. Make sure she packs her swimsuit because the pool (and adjacent bar) is the hotspot.

Classy Mom will lick her fingers after a meal at Fifth Floor, the fine-dining restaurant with a more casual ambience. Cool Mom will be enthralled by the indoor-outdoor drama of Foreign Cinema, the film geek’s foodie paradise.

Classy Mom only drinks martinis way above sea level so you can’t go wrong at Top of the Mark. Cool Mom has never said no to a dance party on the patio, so funky, diverse El Rio will get her groove on.

Surprise Her

Classy Mom will be jealous of all the custom made couture dresses that the drag divas don during the Starlight Room’s Sunday Drag Brunch. Show Cool Mom you can still find ways to shock her by taking her to the appropriately titled Does Your Mother Know, the kinky sex shop in the Castro. Remind her that anything she takes home will have to go through airport security.

Classy Mom can experience a more sophisticated side of the Castro at Frances, the intimate fine-dining spot. (Good luck scoring a reservation unless your mom happens to be named Barbra Streisand.) Cool Mom will enjoy the comfort food at Starbelly and keep an eye out for nearby hotties checking you out at Blackbird.

Classy Mom’s nightcap could turn go well into the after hours as she indulges in the strong, delicious cocktails at Martuni’s. Cool Mom won’t think twice about carrying an open container (and a few tokes) while enjoying the view at Dolores Park.

Escape Her

The one thing Classy Moms and Cool Moms have in common is that they’ll never stay awake past 11pm. So go back to junior high and get ready to sneak out once you have put her to bed. In the Castro, the Lookout, 440 and QBar are jammed pack. Avoid the crowds and take a walk on the wild(er) side by checking out Truck, SF Underground’s Cockfight or the Powerhouse.

Just be careful Mom doesn’t scroll through your photos in the morning.