#BulbousSalutation

What’s It Like To Have Sex With Morrissey? His New Novel Suggests It’s Probably Awful.

morrisey_smootchAsexual, er, humasexual rocker Morrissey has just released his debut novel, List of the Lost, in the U.K. and according to just about everyone, it’s terrible. Like, really terrible.

The 118-page novel is set Boston in the 1970s and tells the story of a relay team accidentally murders a demon named Fetch who, in turn, places a curse on them.

Related: Morrissey: TSA At San Francisco Airport “Groped My Penis And Testicles”

Littered with typos and grammatical errors, List of the Lost is getting slammed by critics, who have labeled it “an unpolished turd of a book” and a “bizarre, misogynistic ramble.”

But it’s the novels depiction of sex that seems to be getting the most attention.

Reviewer Michael Hann from The Guardian writes that Morrissey’s “attitudes towards sex remains odd: it is associated with death, for one thing. It seems to be predatory: older men feed upon the young.” Meanwhile, Jessica Winter over at Slate wonders: “Has Morrissey ever had sex?”

Here’s the passage they are referring to:

Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.

Twitter hasn’t been kind to Morrissey’s first foray into fiction either. Here’s what people have been saying there:

Ouch.

Related: Morrissey Denies That He’s Gay, Claims He’s A “Humasexual”