Is there ever an acceptable time and place to use the word “faggot”?
We’ve certainly had more than a few lively debates on the subject, and there doesn’t seem to be a definitive answer.
Related: Sam Smith OK With Being Called “A Faggot” Just Not “Fat”
For those who’ve only experienced the word as a sharpened weapon, perhaps it’s best to let those wounds scar over without the risk of reopening them.
Related: Die Antwoord Calls Drake A “Massive Faggot” On Instagram, Then Deletes It
And for gay people who feel empowered by reclaiming it, dare we say — reveling in their faggotry — we wouldn’t dream of trying to contain their freedom from the word’s oppressive history.
Below, watch 30 gay men asked to react to “faggot”:
Stephen Meeks
When you are LGBT, and messing with your peeps
Brian O'Connor
There is no acceptable time. If you are going to use the word, then you can’t complain about anyone else using it
Conrad Mones
Never
James Frederick
Never
AtticusBennett
the video is rather simplistic. it’s about context. tone. usage. intent. motivation. AWARENESS.
you can absolutely work to eradicate the word’s pejorative usage as a slur; the harmful slur it has been, and continues to be.
YET – you can also be like some of my best gay friends and i. “Faggot! what movie are we seeing tonight?” “Faggot! i brought us up some sushi!”
i refused to live my adulthood still fearing fear and knee-jerk “trigger warning” insecurity over the use of this word, as it was used against me, in life. i won’t let it hurt me.
yes – my best buds and i revel in our faggottry. doesn’t mean we use the word around those who still allow themselves to have such an intensely negative response to it, but it’s also like with the word “QUEER” – to some guys, they will only allow that word to be a negative insult.
to me, it’s been an empowering form of SELF-identity. i self-identify as queer, and gay.
you can respect that someone still has a deep-seated negative response to the word while still living your own life on your own terms. i won’t call anyone queer or faggot that has those responses. but on wednesdays my best faggot and i like to go out for dinner and a movie and have a queer old time.
Masc Pride
Spoiler alert: This video is full of a bunch of airheads who can’t follow a simple instruction.
Glücklich
Oh boy…McShane watch out! Looks like another place for a flame war to break out!
I personally haven’t heard “faggot” in years. Might bother me because in my mind it’s a word one really needs to *spit* out, like *cµnt*; the sound of it is more offensive than its meaning. It only hurts if you let it.
Now this complete fucking idiot will let Queerty’s resident shrink, whose analysis no one sought, weigh in.
http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6437205
Drew Harry Nazarian
1) When talking about the word faggot.
2) Whenever if you’re part of the LGBT – alphabet soup and using it in a way to “reclaim it”.
Masc Pride
@Brian O’Connor: Totally concur. That whole “I can say it, but they can’t” argument always makes people look rather silly and hypocritical. People who use that logic usually aren’t very educated either.
AtticusBennett
my deepest sympathies for those of you who don’t understand context, nuance, intent, motivation, and the realities of different sets of circumstances. the inability to be intellectually discerning is going to be a something that holds you back, in nearly every important aspect of your life.
Masc Pride
Did everyone get that? According to Reverend Atticus, refraining from calling other gay people faggots is going to hold you back in life.
AtticusBennett
nope. but your continued reading comprehension fails are more than indicative of why you’ve remained the closeted, anonymous, cowardly disappointment to your father that you will die being 🙂
Hon E Badger
When you’re asking for a cigarette in England. Or when I greet you at a party lol (kidding)
Masc Pride
It’s so interesting how some members constantly claim to be gay activists, yet they wish other gay and bisexual men would die being hated by their families and promote use of gay pejoratives. With “activism” like that, who really needs enemies?!
Stache99
FAG,FAGGOT,QUEER, ETC. Yawn. Whatever.
AtticusBennett
@Masc Pride: you’re a cowardly transphobic sack of s**t. as long as you remain that way, you’d be better off dead.
DaturazChild
Really? Never? Ummm…what about when someone is grabbing you by the hair and you are face down in a pillow while he’s !$#@ you and he yells, “That’s right take it F****t” Really? Not even then? Not even if he looks like or is your favorite porn star? Really?
Masc Pride
@AtticusBennett: you’re a self-righteous, self-absorbed, biphobic sack of shit. as long as you remain that way, you’re better off with your head up your daddy’s butt.
redcarpet30
I used to use it once in a while jokingly with gay friends, i was hurt by it as a kid like everyone else but tried to reapproriate it, but more often then not, its hurtful, especially in mixed-generational company. And its really not that funny. So I retired it.
It really is a vile useless word. So I don’t blame people who want nothing to do with it or other minority targeted slurs.
Jacob23
While there might be a few very narrow contexts in which the use of the word is acceptable, in general its usage is a sign that the person is to be avoided. If the person is straight, it’s a huge red flag that he or she is a bigot who doesn’t consider you fully human. If the person is gay, then it’s a red flag that he’s got major self-esteem issues. A person who calls himself or other gays that sees himself as debased. The way he reconciles the feelings of guilt and self-disregard is to proclaim himself a f@ggot and then pretend that it is some sort of courageous act of cultural rebellion. Very sad and very obvious. It hasn’t happened, but if I were to be out on a date with a guy and he were to casually call himself or other gay people f@ggots, that would be the moment to plan an exit.
Jonty Coppersmith
There is NEVER a good time to use that word. Not even as a joke. The idea of reclaiming a hateful word and taking the sting out of it is bullshit. I will avoid any gay person who thinks it is okay or cute to use that word. Just like the “n word” it should never be uttered.
Raúl Hernández
When someone calls you girl, or gurl
JAW
NEVER!!!
If someone wants to say that something that happened was a hate crime because the word fag, faggot, queer etc was used then it should never be used… or I can accuse you of a hate crime if you say it to me
sanfranca1
Never. Even best friends who are grown up do not call each other that.
Damon Robbins
Never
onthemark
Let’s ask Larry Kramer.
SonOfKings
In another thread I got flamed for arguing that Gay men and boys need to toughen up and stop being such over sensitive cry babies. I stand by that. As a proud Gay man I reserve the right to call myself and any other Gay man I come across a faggot. I consider it a compliment. It means we are strong enough to snatch a knife from the air and turn that weapon into a tool. I’m a world class faggot, and I think you are too! There is honor among thieves and queers. ALL my tribe are warriors. What about you?
DjARD
There’s a situation where it’s fine to use this word – and that’s when in the midst of academic, historical, and/or purely contextual discussions. The only occasions where I can see being comfortable with it as a joke (and I’ve done this) are when its use is wholly satirical; that is to say, we are using the word to illustrate and mock homophobia as well as explicitly bring out heteronormative culture rather than keeping it implicit. That kind of humor, it should be noted, is almost never how “faggot” is used jokingly.
Any other usage of it? NOPE. I will understand why some queer (a world that HAS been much more successfully “reclaimed”) individuals choose to use it or feel like they can, but I would ask that you do the same and understand why I do NOT want it used around me.
SonOfKings
And watch some snitch on here report me for hurting his feeling because good men don’t use harsh language.
DjARD
@SonOfKings:
Congratulations! You’ve successfully bought into heteronormative, patriarchal/masculine culture. You should be so proud, hon.
Michael Finnegan
SonOfKings
And, yes, I use the n-word too; but as a Black man only in the presence of other Black men. I reserve that privilege. White boys, not allowed to use it. Asian, not allowed. Latino, maybe (depending). Membership in a group has its privileges. Respect the politics and power of identity.
SonOfKings
@DjARD: Black masculinity is an essential thing. I’m a man first and Gay second.
polarisfashion
I don’t like that word so I don’t use it. I don’t like to see other people gay or straight using it either.
Glücklich
@SonOfKings:
Agreed all the way ’round.
Bob LaBlah
@SonOfKings: “Membership in a group has its privileges. Respect the politics and power of identity.”
You aren’t going to believe this but that was the same argument used back in the 1960’s and 1970’s when integration/affirmative action started taking place. Those same EXACT words.
Here them again only at a different angle. This angle is from todays poor white trash. Be sure to stay to the end and let me know if you see a difference in the timing/situation of its use (the n-word).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEWCJveHXVA
Patrick Cremeans
When the gay guy you’re talking about or that’s giving you a hard time is a hideous man whore and/or mincing queen stereotype.
Masc Pride
@SonOfKings: Actually anyone is “allowed” to use any slur. Slurs aren’t illegal.
McShane
I’m going with, never.
@Masc Pride: Yeah, if you like getting your ass kicked into next week.
Masc Pride
@McShane: Well that would really depend on who’s the better fighter, not the slur and who’s in the right or wrong. Just look at all the gay guys that get called faggots repeatedly while getting their asses kicked into next week. Think about it.
McShane
Oh, I know. You can say whatever you want. What I’m trying to say is, if some random dumb fuck calls me a f@ggot or a n****r, that guy is NOT going to enjoy what happens next.
Derek Von Torne
Never
Masc Pride
@McShane: Oh, I agree. It would be nice to see it actually go that way (for once). I think homophobes purposely go for certain types of gay guys though. Like you never hear about the guy who can bench 250 getting gay-bashed. It just doesn’t seem to happen.
blackberry finn
@Bob LaBlah: I don’t call anyone the N-word and I also don’t call anyone trash. Usually not on board with the Word Police, but double standards are unacceptable. Try to be consistent with your PC ideology!
edtaylorky
@AtticusBennett: I feel you. I grew up being shamed with that word, knowing its meaning had something to do with liking boys and being “girly.”
To me, living in fear of a word is buying into heteronormative culture, because, again, for me, it would mean rejecting the idea that I am a fag.
I am a “fag” if it means I’m feminine and I like guys, and so I’m okay with it. More than ok–I revel in my faggotry–it’s something I’m proud of, and so, for me, the word has no power.
Context is everything. Rednecks have yelled at me from trucks. They’ve yelled “fag” and they once yelled “Romans Chapter 1” … Both times were equally unnerving.
That said, I’d never use this word around someone who either had expressed discomfort with it or with whom I thought there was the possibility that it could cause them harm, since all of us have varying opinions.
Either way, I won’t be held hostage to a word.
Michael Knight
Hot nasty sex
Bob LaBlah
@blackberry finn: If, for some reason you are not SonofKings then explain why you addressed the comment as you did. Or are you SonofKings and forgot to switch names? Your comment reads as though you took it personally.
Eric Lacombe
never
Giancarlo85
@Masc Pride: That’s funny. You constantly push your bigotry and hatred towards feminine gay men and you would they would just disappear and even die. You think feminine gay men do nothing.
People like you are disgusting. You just ride on the coat tails of what feminine and out gay men do. All the progress was because of feminine, out, loud and proud gay men.
Anyways, as far as the word in question, there is always context. Context always matters. People have already gone over this. It’s all about context. Do people call themselves queer? That at one point was an insult, but again it is down to the context and how the word is employed.
Only a weak fool will let a word damage themself. A strong person will take a word and conquer it. A strong person will take a word and claim it as their own and in the process pulling the rug of disparaging behavior. So yes, I’ll call myself a f*g. If someone doesn’t like that because their sensibilities are offended, or if they think it isn’t “masculine” enough… well too fucking bad. Grow some nuts. I’m tired of hearing about how these uber “masculine” gay men claim they aren’t really gay or f*gs. They just like to claim they are “one of the guys”.
Tobi
It’s always OK to use the word faggot http://d.pr/18VTp
Tracy Pope
Seventeen years ago I was in an “altercation” with a (I think) heterosexual who thought it was okay to call me a f@ggot and attack me because I like men. I told him – ‘this f@ggot is going to kick your ass’. And I did. That is the only time I ever used that word. Likely never will again.
Some are comfortable with it and feel they are using the term to take it away from those who would use it against us. Good for you. Please, call yourselves curly green monkey pubes for all I care. It’s not for me.
Saint Law
Oh my lol! – After all those ‘flags’ by weaklings on this site I best phrase this carefully.
Okay. Once again: @Masc Pride: First you rebuke gay men for using the f-word as somehow enabling anti-gay hatred.
Then you rebuke a black gay man who object to peops other than black gay men using the f-word and the n-word, pointing out that anybody can use any slur they like as they’re not – in the US anyway – illegal.
Then you…no, at that point I gave up.
Reading your contributions to this thread is like listening to a succession of different and antipathetic speakers all competing for a microphone.
CaliKyle
@Brian O’Connor: BS, context is everything. African Americans use the n word with each other regularly and with affection, similarly, females use the b word with each other in the same vein – I would never be so arrogant as to deny either of those groups the right to negate the evil power of those words by using them amongst themselves casually and familiarly.
Brian JC Kneeland
When is it OK to use the N word? (I say never – since it is derogatory all the time!)
Giancarlo85
@Jacob23: You are a raving lunatic. How would you know anything about anyone else? You can’t even accept yourself. You are all about being a conformist and pleasing straight people. If there is someone with no self esteem, that would be you. Guilt? Your entire existence is built on guilt and self hatred. You don’t even like identifying as gay because you don’t want to be one of those gays. You would rather try to blend in and be “one of the guys” because you have no real integrity and self respect.
In other words, keep your hypocrisy and hatred to yourself. You are not in a position to judge others, especially when other gay men are far more courageous and brave than you. All you do is ride on the coattails of progress brought along by out flamboyant gay men.
JessPH
The funny thing about the word ‘faggot’ is that both those who say it and are offended by it do not even know why it is considered a slur. So if someone calls me a faggot, i simply reply by saying “faggot and proud of it”. If we can reclaim ‘queer’, we can reclaim ‘faggot’.
JessPH
By the way, the video has already been removed.
Timothy Warner
Never!
sportyguy1983
The only acceptable “context” in which It is acceptable to use words like f@ggot, n!gger, k!ke, sp!c, g@@k, etc… is in an academic (or an intellectual debate) setting when you are discussing the sociological effects and historical context of those words. People who say certain groups can use those words are as a way to “empower” themselves shouldn’t be taken serious and show that they truly don’T value their own self worth.
Glücklich
@Tobi:
Priceless! Good use of “organ” meat, too. Loaded with hilarity and double entendre.
From the link:
“The Great British Faggot
“Faggots are a cheap and delicious dish, especially served with mash and mushy peas. You’ll need a mincer for this recipe and a good butcher.”
Masc Pride
@Saint Law: Once again, you don’t bother to understand before chiming in with your opposition. I expressed disapproval for a mindless logic, not a specific person of any specific race (nice try).
The “I can use it but they can’t” logic is like parents who discipline their kids by saying “I’m the parent and I said so” while they go out and do the very things they scold their kid(s) for doing. You lead by example (when you don’t have control issues). You guys fool yourself into thinking you’re empowering other gay people by calling them faggots, but you’re actually just making fools of yourselves.
@CaliKyle: Even context seems to be gray area though. If you listen to any rap music, you will hear that a lot of times those black guys are also using the N-word to refer to other black guys they DON’T like and seemingly hate. Same with bitch. Just watch like five minutes of Bad Girls Club, and you will hear it thrown around like a pronoun and mostly out of anger for another woman. Many gays use girl/queen/queer/fag when referring to another gay guy negatively. At best it’s still half-ass “reappropriation”.
@sportyguy1983: Exactly. After devaluing each other, all these people will be outraged when they’re devalued by general society. I’m quite glad I don’t understand it. lol
Masc Pride
@Masc Pride: *yourselves
onthemark
@Glücklich: “Mincer”? Maybe there’s an etymological history there, too.
It freaked me out as a kid when I read J.R.R. Tolkien using the word faggot in “The Hobbit”… referring to campfire kindling wood, of course. At that point I’d already been called the f-word several times, so learning/figuring out the etymological history was a shock.
Gordon Forik
I think its Queer this year
Alà Dazz
Its a dictionary word ofcourse its ok , all words are acceptable
Giancarlo85
@sportyguy1983: Another holier than thou clown who has no idea about context. Why the fuck are you on this site anyways? Do you know queer used to be an insult, until the word was conquered and its meaning flipped? You are a hypocrite just like mask pride.
Mask fucker yearns to be accepted by general society lol. he wants to be one of the guys. More like a loser with no real self worth and identity.
Giancarlo85
@Masc Pride: The only fool here is you because you have no identity and you are incapable of looking at other arguments. You are such a massive idiot.
Tobi
@Glücklich: I think Matt Tebbutt had his tongue firmly in someone’s cheek when he wrote that, huh? There was a 80’s joke about an American tourist hearing someone order faggots in the local cafe, and screaming “OMG, you eat them over here?!”. As @onthemark rightly says, faggot can also mean firewood, and everyone – and I mean everyone! – on this side of the pond will use the word fag for cigarette. There’s also the public (private) school meaning, where a junior running errands for a senior will be called a fag or is fagging for you, and you still occasionally hear “I can’t be fagged” meaning I can’t be bothered.
QAF
I think “faggot” should´t be consider a word its not worthy of the name