Why Gay Me?

You may recall that we’ve recently resurrected the long-dormant, short-lived series, “Why Gay Me?”, in which we invite readers to send us their most embarrassing, mortifying, and downright humiliating stories. We’ve gotten some good responses so far, but were especially taken by a reader named Jase’s anecdote on how a night of raising safe-sex awareness ended with him in handcuffs – and not in a good way.

It seems poor Jase got a little too drizzed at the bar, decided to take a trick home, got pulled over, and hauled off to jail. If that doesn’t sound so bad, why don’t you dive into the jump and read the story in his words. It sounds really shitty. Jase, if you’re out there, we hope you can have a good laugh about it now. We’re assuming you and your trick didn’t have a second go?

If you’ve had some unfortunate events you’re willing to share, send ’em our way. A reader named Erik describes this series as “snotty” and “bitchy”, but we don’t find it to be either. We prefer silly and cathartic, but that’s just us…

When I was a stupid little college boy, I found myself in a strange situation. This can most definitely be called a fuck-up.

I had been volunteering at an AIDS organization by handing out condoms in a bar near my college at the time. Being the flirtatious little slut that I was, I was having a really good time handing out condoms and making random comments to all of the boys that were there. As I couldn’t leave my post, many-a-drinks were purchased for me, and needless to say I got a little more inebriated than I planned.

One especially cute boy kept coming over to the table, so I used my never failing line – “Can I buy you a drink, or shall we just grab a six-pack and go home and fuck?”. As my shift was over and the line actually worked, we were off to my house.

Obviously, I shouldn’t have been driving and had trouble staying in the appropriate lane. Crossing a bridge, I almost hit a cop car that was stopped assisting a towing truck tow a stalled car. Being the stupid little drunk college boy that I was, I decided that I could out run the cop in my Toyota Corolla.

Not so much.

After performing several sobriety tests, the cop concluded that I was indeed drunk. He slapped on the cuffs and threw me in the back of his car (leaving my trick to fend for himself). But the stupidity didn’t stop there. All I could think about was the fact that I was going to jail and wouldn’t be able to have a cigarette once I was in there. So me, in my infinite college smartness (I know it’s not a word) I slipped my tiny little faggot wrists out of the handcuffs and lit a cigarette up in the back of the cop car. Let’s just say it wasn’t the best idea…

Luckily, I’ve grown up a bit since then.