Getting tested for HIV nowadays is a snap, at least compared to the old days. In the era of quick and easy testing, I’m befuddled why so many gay men, especially young guys, lack awareness of their HIV status.
I suppose part of the answer, at least for some young guys, is plain old feelings of invincibility. All young and young-minded folks share in those feelings. However, that doesn’t explain all of it to me.
Perhaps, for some guys, not knowing gives them license to say they’re HIV negative, since for all they know they are. For others, perhaps not knowing insulates them from any potential pain of a positive result.
Whatever the reasons, knowing your HIV status is crucial. If you test negative, you have incentive to stay that way. If you test positive, you can start the process of staying healthy. Better to know now than to be blindsided later.
Although I’ve been living with HIV for more than two decades, I still remember what it’s like to get tested for the virus. The fear is understandable, but it shouldn’t stop you. Your health is paramount.
I tested negative on my first HIV test. At the time, I had just turned 21 and boy was I psyched. I was cleared for duty, so to speak, as well as legal to drink. Watch out world, here I come.
However, I was more careful this time around. Before that test, I hadn’t always adhered to the condom rule although I knew the risks. Now that I was given this reprieve, I was determined not to squander it.
A year later, I tested HIV positive. I found out the day after my 22nd birthday. My commanding officer in the U.S. Marine Corps Reserve read my diagnosis from a script. Cold, but tactful.
I knew the positive result was correct, but denial took over. I retested twice before accepting the reality of my situation. At that moment, I started believing that I was going to die before I turned 30.
It was 1992. Effective HIV treatment wouldn’t arrive until 1996 and AIDS-related deaths were still increasing. The death of my boyfriend in 1994 only increased my fear that I wouldn’t live much longer.
Fast-forward over two decades. Turns out I’m still here and I plan on being here for a long time. Testing HIV positive wasn’t the end of the world, but I must admit that I’d prefer to be HIV negative.
I’ve learned to live with HIV in my body, but the virus remains an unwelcome guest. If the cure for HIV was here tomorrow, I would quickly get in line to be rid of it. I have no romantic attachment to the virus.
I also have no attachment to any resentment about getting HIV. Despite my late boyfriend not telling me the truth about his being HIV positive, I agreed not to use condoms with him. We both shared in that decision.
I’m not alone. Much of why the epidemic continues can be explained by folks not knowing their status transmitting HIV unintentionally, but also by couples who ditch condoms before they know for sure each is negative.
You could argue that my late boyfriend had a moral imperative to disclose his HIV status that was higher than my moral imperative to protect myself. Perhaps you could even be right. However, even after all this time, I still haven’t decided.
What I have decided, now having lived more than half of my life with HIV, is that I did the right thing for myself by forgiving him. I believe he never intended to transmit HIV, so forgiving him wasn’t too difficult for me.
The anger I felt toward him in the first few years after I seroconverted was soon trumped by the experience of now being in his shoes. Not pretty. Rejection was everywhere. The stigma was stifling. I now understood.
And I still understand. Little has changed when it comes to HIV stigma. Not only has the virus proven resistant to a cure, it also has resisted decades of attempts to eradicate the stigma surrounding it.
Strangely enough, I believe testing regularly for HIV would do wonders in stomping out stigma. If everyone did it, and did it often, folks might finally start feeling like it’s not so scary. Peer pressure at its best.
Oriol Gutierrez is editor-in-chief of POZ magazine, which chronicles the HIV/AIDS epidemic. He was diagnosed with HIV in 1992. He also is editor-in-chief of Hep magazine for people living with hepatitis and Tu Salud magazine for Latino health and wellness. He is a former vice president of print and new media for NLGJA: The Association of LGBT Journalists.
joe
getting tested was always something i dreaded. the going to the place, waiting, being admitted, given the test then the waiting. later on the rapid tests came but for me that didnt really have me feeling any better. i would sit and wait and feel like puking no matter the wait time. i can honestly say i never bb not even once but the thought that somehow some way you fucked up was enough to drive me nuts. i am still neg but stopped fucking around several years ago, it sucks i get horny, but then i make myself remember what i felt like sitting there waiting then not having sex kinda makes it worth it for me. it feels great NOT getting tested
Billy28
He tested negative, kept using condoms and tested positive a year later. Huh?
Kangol
@Billy28: His narrative is a bit confusing, unnecessarily so.
The author does say:
Despite my late boyfriend not telling me the truth about his being HIV positive, I agreed not to use condoms with him. We both shared in that decision.
I’m not alone. Much of why the epidemic continues can be explained by folks not knowing their status transmitting HIV unintentionally, but also by couples who ditch condoms before they know for sure each is negative.
Why not just state that clearly, rather than throwing in the “wearing condom” bit when it’s clear that he did stop wearing condoms with his boyfriend? That’s a common method for serotransmission.
joe
@Billy28: yep this is why i just stopped having sex the longer i went on i just felt that i was pushing my luck. one day it just dawned on me, all these “stories” “i have no idea how i got it” stories, lying partners or lying hook ups..in spite of my wearing condoms it was like the old saying “where you have trains you have train wrecks”
Xzamilio
Certain strains of gonorrhea are evolving resistances to antibiotics, so it’s not only HIV that we as gay men need to be aware of… like the other genital thrashing, organ killing STDs out there that we should also be getting ourselves tested for. Sex is scary… sometimes masturbation is the only way to go… but wash your hands and your toys.
Stuff happens.
Stache
@joe: That’s only part of the story with you Joe. As I recall you said you got Chronic Hepatitis though sex and now you’re on Truvada or something to control it. If that’s true then I would understand your fear. However, there are vaccines for Hepatitis.
scottieee
This article is just so full of revelations! Stuff none of us ever knew!!!!
alphacentauri
It’s good to get tested but the majority of gay men do not always get tested, or even know that they have HIV or other STDs. I know a young twink who has had common STDs before like gonorrhea, and he’s on PreP but thinks that this just means it’s fine to do it raw/bareback with anyone and that he’ll stay HIV neg-which I doubt he really is-and he claims he has never had any STDs but I remember he had gonorrhea and told me about it. He’s also into meth, coke/crack, K, and all sort of drugs.
Desert Boy
I’m married to a Registered Nurse. He says it is critical for people to know their HIV status. If you’re positive, get treatment BEFORE you go onto develop full-blown AIDS.
Even though I’m married and monogamous, I still get tested annually. Mostly, it’s for my own peace of mind.
GayEGO
Back in the day when I was asked by my doctor if I wanted to be tested, I responded that Insurance Companies refused to pay for medical costs if they found out you were gay. Of course I have a monogamous relationship and my partner was tested because of an Aorta operation and was negative. Today, after almost 54 years with my partner, married going on 12 years, I have been told my blood count is fine. I wonder if the Insurance Companies can still deny you coverage?
Chris Tan
Is it crucial to know whether are you a top or bottom?
joe
@Stache: yes that is correct, i contracted hep b , i have no idea how or when, the docs thought it was “fatty liver” but after the numbers jumped almost 3 years ago it was determined that i had hep b. i DID have the vaccines however the doc said it was too late or in some cases it could not take. i am currently on Viread (tenofovir) the CDC has determined that this alone also provides the same protection as Truvada for PREP. the pham company Gilead sciences only tested Truvada, however several other organizations , like the CDC tested it and have staed that Viread alone also works. any one can Google “Tenofovir as prep ?” and read up if you are interested. the whole thing just spooked me badly.
o.codone
I have had two “indeterminate” tests over the last 10 years, so now I never get tested in just one place, I get two simultaneous tests. I am negative but the doctors treat indeterminates as positives at least for a while. It makes me nervous to get tested. I only do oral right now, and take a shot of whiskey or vodka right after. How romantic. But I work it into the post coital repertoire, “Would you like a cigarette, … or a shot”? “A martini”? For me, right now, that’s the only kind of sex I am comfortable with.
paulbear30
How about telling those young people to give up the “Top and Bottom” bullshit, oral too, and find other sexual pleasures between men? It’s fine time for the OLDER queers to fess up as to why they have such a psychological attachment to sodomy. It’s not an act of social defiance. It’s an Achilles heel.
Stache
@paulbear30: Clearly you’ve been brainwashed by religion. since Sodomy is a religious based term. It’s now 2016 and maybe a good time for you to finally come out of the closet and accept yourself and stop hating others.