Ugly Stepsister

Why We Should Be Very, Very Afraid of Michele Bachmann

In psychology 101, we learned that crazy people always think they’re being totally rational. Well, Michele Bachmann believes her insanity should be the law of the land. Think Sarah Palin’s warped view of reality meets Newt Gingrich’s bloviating and tah-dah: the Tea Party has found their presidential hopeful.

Bachmann certainly made a statement this week when she announced she was vying for the GOP presidential nomination mere minutes before being fully-prepped for the first Republican debates. And she did just what she had to — convince America that a pretty woman in make-up can be taken seriously in politics — thus distinguishing herself from Palin.

Like all seven major announced GOP candidates, Bachmann is against gay marriage. She lead the efforts in Minnesota to introduce an amendment banning it. You know… writing discrimination into the state’s constitution. That alone should be enough to have us hiding under our mothers’ petticoats. But, as The Daily Beast reports, that is just the concealer on top of an ugly career.

In 2005, as a Minnesota state senator running for Congress, Bachmann refused to address gay rights at a town hall meeting, even though she had been previously caught scoping out gay rights rallies from behind the bushes. So two constituents, a lesbian and an ex-nun, questioned Bachmann on the subject after running into her in the bathrrom.

Bachmann responded just like any sensible anti-gay activist would: by freaking out. “Help! I’m being held against my will!” she screamed before filing a police report. Charges were dropped, however, after the county attorney realized the incident was just a two-sided conversation between a politician and her constituents, not the kidnapping that Bachmann imagined.

And Bachmann’s irrational animosity towards gay people is not just reserved for strangers. In a speech in 2004 when she referred to a gay family member as “a part of Satan,” she was talking about her lesbian stepsister, Helen LaFeve. A year later, LaFeve literally stood in the room and watched as her stepsister went on to propose a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage in Minnesota.

When the media caught wind of their sisterly differences, Bachmann responded that she had polled her family and that over half agreed with her views. Ah, democracy in evangelical land: where families of politicians get to vote each other out of the constitution.

Oh, and P.S. Bachmann believes that homosexuality can totally be cured. She’ll even refer you to her husband’s clinic. Shouldn’t ex-gay therapy be grounds for malpractice in this day and age?