A woman in her mid-30s says she was completely “devastated” when her husband recently told her he was bisexual.
“I stopped dead in my tracks and screamed: ‘What on Earth are you talking about? We have been married for 15 years; we have a mortgage and a dog together!'” the woman recounts in a letter to advice columnist Just Jane.
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Since the blow out, the woman says her husband has been “hiding out in a boutique hotel and insisting that our marriage is dead because he’s been living a lie.”
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She continues, “He says he only married me because his family was putting pressure on him to settle down. He and I were working for the same firm when we met. And he knew that I was vulnerable, having just been jilted by my childhood sweetheart.”
A “whirlwind romance” ensued, followed by a “quick wedding,” which the woman now believes “wasn’t anything to do with passion on his part; it was in order to please his elderly parents–and inherit their house and wealth.”
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Oh, but it gets worse.
Because when she started pressuring her husband for children, he refused, saying he was “desperate to keep me all to himself.” But now she knows otherwise: “It was because he is a bisexual man who prefers much younger male and female lovers!”
“Now all of his relatives are dead and he’s living the life he always intended to live,” she babbles on. “He’s getting off with all sorts of people and painting the whole capital red. He’s nothing but a big. Fat. TART!”
And now, to add insult to injury, she says, “I’ve just had a letter from his solicitor pushing for a divorce.”
“How am I ever going to be able to trust anyone again when I didn’t even see this coming?” she wonders.
Gee, we can’t imagine why this man wouldn’t want to be married to someone so charming and emotionally stable.
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In her response, Just Jane gets right down to business.
“Stop beating yourself up about this,” she writes, which is really just a polite way of saying, “Get a fucking hold of yourself!”
Jane agrees that what the husband has done is “cold and calculating,” but encourages the wife let it go.
“How could you possibly have known what was really in his head and his heart?” she asks. “You may have married him, but you’re not a mind reader. What you have to accept now is that you were duped by a very determined, single-minded individual.”
“Use your anger in a good way,” she advises. “Turn your energy around and tell his solicitor that you’re more than happy to facilitate a quickie divorce. Then make a wish list of all the things that you’d like to achieve and go for it.”
“Be honest with family and friends,” she continues. “Tell them that he was not the man you thought you married, [and] take that wisdom with you into your future relationships.”
We’d like to add that she may want to take a chill pill into her future as well.
Related: “Straight” Guys Are Having More Bisexual Sex Than Ever Before, Study Finds
CalderBear
Can you try empathy rather than the sneering tone. The wife will feel angry, betrayed and played for a fool – it doesn’t matter that he is bisexual, but she has had a short time to process and accept this new information about her husband. The husband has probably had more than their 15 year marriage to understand himself.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
“boutique hotel” says more “gay” than “bisexual”…now if it was a Travelodge or a tent..
Bauhaus
He will be living in a yurt by the time she’s finished with him.
Aromaeus
Every time these stories come up there is this air of disdain for the women involved that I will never get. This man is a coward and a horrible human being. If he was so worried about his family finding out he could have just led a single life and explain it away like most closeted men do. Just say he hadn’t found the right woman or something. He took advantage of a woman still wounded from a previous relationship while already planning his escape when the coast was clear. I don’t know how divorce works where they are from but I hope she gets most of his inheritance and that house when it is all said and done.
Captain Obvious
These stories never sound real. Seems more like a soap opera.
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Brian
Women are afraid of male homosexual desire because it represents male power. If women see it in the men they date, they turn against the man. It’s blatanltly homophobic of women to behave like this.
Liberal women are the worst.
jsmnyny24
I think at this point “BI” has jumped the shark. This topic, like many discussed on this site, are spent. What will be the soup de jour in six months?
ErikO
@Captain Obvious: Indeed.
@jsmnyny24: Hetero men! This site has an obsession with them and how they are all really bisexual but just don’t know it yet.
joe
@Bauhaus: hopefully she takes this ass for all hes worth..what a jerk he is to fuck with someone for 15 yrs like this
ethan_hines
No kids,No foul.
Kids=Stay in Marriage until Kids are Out of the house…..
Jack Meoff
Don’t get your panties in a bunch guys it’s all made up click bait rubbish.
eric
I feel bad for the woman in this. As a nearly 40 year old gay man, I have not one, but two male friends from high school, that both say they are actually gay not even just bi, but yet are both married to females. They both tell me how much they admire my courage, and bravery for coming out. It is a similar situation to the woman in the article, in that they are married to women for the exact same reasons, in that inheritance is at stake for both, concerning why they continue to live that lie. Despite the strides we have made in the gay community, there will always be work that needs to be done in fighting homophobia in society, it will take several more generations, so that gay men don’t have to live, lives that are lies and deceive people that have no business being deceived.
Eye of the Beholder
She’s not the victim. This is rape, and it happened to the man.
Gay men get pressured into living heterosexual lifestyles all the time, but that doesn’t make forcing gay men into abusive/destructive sexual relationships anymore acceptable; not to mention I’m actually reading that he’s more gay than bi. He probably shouldn’t have told her. “Irresponsible differences” goes a long way.
She had just better be lucky that we live in such a hetero-normative world, because what she is asking of him without showing any compassion for his suffering is selfish and monstrous. Ironically, if she doesn’t put on her big girl pants, and show some maturity she’s about to lose the best gay friend she could ever have.
He lived through the abuse. Unless you’re condoning the abuse then let him enjoy his inheritance… and a divorce from an unhealthy arrangement!
Me2
I can only imagine just how used and abused she must feel. My only hope is that she walks away from this mess with all of his inheritance. Life will eventually deal with him and his deception.