There’s more than enough evidence out there to show things like conversion therapy and trying to “pray the gay away” doesn’t work. Yet there are still those who continue to try because faith, they say, is blind.
In a new blog post published on Love What Matters, a woman by the name of Ali Anne details her nine year marriage to a man named Kyle, and how she spent nearly a decade trying to pray his gay away to no avail.
Ali says she knew Kyle was gay before they wed, but she agreed to marry him anyway.
“One day, Kyle had pulled me aside and told me that he ‘struggled’ with homosexuality. My response: ‘Wow, you’re going to need a really strong wife!’ Ali writes.
Related: Why hasn’t Google removed this ‘pray away the gay’ app?
Both she and Kyle were raised in religious households where they were taught being gay was wrong and, if a person did experience same-sex attraction, they should “either live a celibate life, or, deny yourself and marry someone of the opposite sex and do your best to live a heterosexual lifestyle.”
“Kyle always knew he wanted a family, so living a heterosexual lifestyle was the only option for him–we were both under the assumption we would be able to pray the gay away.”
So Ali and Kyle got married. A few years later, they started having kids.
“Being parents was the highlight of our life,” Ali recalls. “Everything we did, we did with them in mind. Life was busy and beautiful.”
Except not. Because eight years into their marriage, she says, “Kyle began feeling the weight of not being true to himself as a gay man.”
Related: What’s up with this creepy ‘pray the gay away’ ad popping up on LGBTQ people’s Facebook feeds?
It became increasingly more difficult for him to ignore his true feelings, and it became obvious to both of them that praying the gay away wasn’t working. So they went to a marriage counselor.
“One of the ideas, was for Kyle to ‘come out’ as gay, publicly, while still remaining in our marriage,” Ali writes. “I was hopeful. I liked the idea.”
Kyle, however, didn’t. One evening he told her, “If I am going to be around gay men, I’m going to want to be with a man. This is not just about sex with a man, this is about loving a man and being loved by a man. Ideally, I want to have a relationship with a man.”
That’s when Ali says she knew her marriage was over.
“It has been two years since we made the decision to end our marriage and our lives have drastically changed,” Ali writes. “Through our decision to end our marriage, coming out as gay (Kyle) and becoming an LGBTQ ally (myself) we lost 95% of our friends and family.”
Related: Shocking video of two churches pushing ex-gay therapy may help end the practice
“Although Kyle and I don’t choose each other romantically anymore, we still have a deep love and a deep connection with one another,” she continues. “He is my best friend, and I am his. We are committed to our family, as non-traditional as that may look.”
“Our story is one of unconditional love, friendship, deep pain, utter desperation, celebration, and liberation.”
You can’t really determine his sense of self or life. And I would guess that at least 40% of gay identifying aren’t entirely inherently homosexual or at least wasn’t their whole lives. It sounds like he still has a lot to sort out as far as his identity and his life. However, the fact that he flat-out said he didn’t merely want to hook up with guys and wanted love and relationships from guys shows that it isn’t just about sex. There are many men who have dimensions in their orientation that only have legit relationships with one gender but have sex and/or affairs with others. That is what that is. What he did was extremely manipulative. It’s fine if you feel your religion, your upbringing, your sociology and your traditional hetero family ambitions won’t allow you to be with someone of your gender. But you still need to be honest with your spouse about where you fit on the romantic, sexual, affection, emotional, relationship contentment spectrum.
Oh yee of little faith!! Jesus can do anything. (sarcasm)
Do you just make this up or do you actually believe it?
If you’re not straight, don’t marry a straight person, you’ll only hurt them and hurt yourself. Is that not simple enough to understand?
Learns her boyfriend is gay and says oh my he is going to need a very strong wife. SERIOUSLY!!! How about he needs a husband. Religious people are freaks.
Can you answer a question for me, and be honest.
Are you a troll? I’ve seen a few comments from you before, and not a single one of them has ever been right, but all have been pretty divisive.
Gay men can have straight sex, you can force yourself into it, which is what it sounds like happened here.
Bisexuals can stay in a monogamous relationship, Just being attracted to members of a different sex/gender as your partner does not mean you can’t be faithful to that partner.
He is definitely a troll. And in the actual sense of the word, not the Queerty “you’re not reciting the proper echo chamber sentiments so you’re a troll” way. All of his posts are just to get people’s panties in a wad and it works every single time. He will contradict himself with no problem if the angle of the story calls for it. He clearly doesn’t believe everything he posts.
If you look at it as performance art it almost becomes bearable.
Clearly they were raised by severe evangelicals or Scientologists, so it’s not a surprise that they genuinely believed this.
It took awhile, but I’m glad they both were able to accept reality. It takes a lot of balls to do what they did, knowing almost everyone in their life would shun them.
He’s gay ? Oh he’s gonna need a strong wife!! WTF ? HE NEEDS DICK!!! HE’S GAY!! GET A LIFE BITCH!!!
Come on, now. First, being “gay” isn’t about getting dick. But also, there are homosexual or very sexually homo-leaning men who do prefer persistent affections from a woman and feel more content being in a relationship with a female, and it doesn’t change over time. Just as there are sexually hetero-leaning men who prefer persistent same-sex affections, romantic bonds and relationships. This here is an example of a man who is very homo-leaning sexually but also craves male affections and love and wants a relationship bond with a dude and doesn’t feel “at home” being with a woman. That’s a separate thing from sex, and it’s likely the primary reason that the marriage dissolved, not merely because of dick.
I won’t make any judgements about what gay or bisexual is or try to assess someones life and orientation based on a single page story.
What I will call to attention is misrepresenting a article with clickbait captioning. Why lead with WIFE DEVASTATED when it turns out to be a story about, in her own words, “a strong wife” who describes their journey as: “..one of unconditional love, friendship, deep pain, utter desperation, celebration, and liberation.”
That’s just bull. Is that your personal experience? Why should it be different for bisexuals over any other orientation where eyes and groins can wander? YOU should stay away from bisexuals because you clearly have a bias against them.
It sounds like you really need to work on the difference between what you believe, and what is real for both yourself and other people! It does not sound at all like Kyle is bisexual, it sounds as if you have precious little experience with people other than yourself.
…how can anyone be so sheltered and naive? Cannot find the words to say anything about those types of people….she obviously, sadly doesn’t know him at all.
This seems odd, this article sounds as if he was forced to marry and that it was her who wanted to marry him no matter what he says. did he agree to marry because he wanted kids.
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