What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And that couldn’t be more true for Lianna Walden, a mother of two who has been married to her husband, Mark, for over 20 years.
Eight years ago, Marked dropped a truth bomb on Lianna that rocked her to her very core.
“We were on holiday hiking on a mountain when Mark said were needed to talk,” she recalls. “Mark told me he had been sleeping with other blokes and was bisexual.”
Related: Man Comes Out To His Wife While Hammered, Denies It All The Next Morning
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Despite being a professional sex and relationship coach, Lianna says she was absolutely “devastated” by the news, unsure what to make of it or what it meant for the future of her marriage.
“I did go into shock,” she says. “It was devastating at first. I wasn’t as upset about him fooling around as I was about him lying to me. … I kicked myself for not realizing he’d been seeing men for two years.”
But after the shock wore off, a new feeling crept in.
“I was feeling jealous that he had started experimenting,” Lianna says.
To be clear: She wasn’t jealous of the other people Mark had been banging. She was jealous of Mark banging other people while she was confined to the tedium of monogamy.
“I didn’t want to be like my sister or friends and get a divorce,” she explains, but “I didn’t want the same relationship any more. I said, if you’re going to do that then I would like to experiment, too. … I wasn’t prepared to give up and destroy a marriage, our lives and everything. So I thought outside the box.”
Her solution? Open their marriage.
Related: Here’s How Americans Feel About Open Relationships And Sex Parties
“I decided we’d try and make an open or non-monogamous marriage work,” she explains. “Mark could see his male friends and I could have flings with other people as well. We’d also indulge in threesomes as part of a shared experience. … The first time it was me, Mark, and another guy. It was terrifying. We went through it and I was like, ‘Oh my god, why didn’t we do this before?'”
Lianna and Mark quickly saw their relationship improve after the new arrangement.
“It was like we wanted each other more than ever because we’d reached an open and honest agreement,” she says.
Of course, there are still challenges from time to time.
“I have a lot of jealousy but I’ve been working on letting it go,” she says. “Mark has sex with other men and has chased other women although he never ended up sleeping with them. I think I would be jealous of another woman while men I can accept more easily.”
As for the future of their marriage, things are looking good.
“I want to keep moving forward,” Lianna says, “and I’m enjoying this kind of experimentation. People have said I have been too permissive with Mark just to stay married. That’s rubbish. His actions brought both of us to a place where we acknowledged that the relationship was not working. So we made changes.”
She continues, “People need to understand that sexuality is fluid and there is no right or wrong. Our relationship is always changing and [will] never stop changing. Remember what you consider normal today may change tomorrow and Mark and I have learnt that and always will respect each others needs.”
Related: On The DL: Straight-Identifying Men Speak Candidly About Their Sexual Relationships With Other Men
h/t: Daily Mail
RomanHans
Man telling wife he’s bisexual /= “Woman Discovers Husband Sleeping With Guys”
Masc Pride
This woman definitely has a great outlook. Seems like they’re having a really freeing and enjoyable experience together, which is the whole point of marriage. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Josh447
Love it. They are a great example of being human and not denying their truth, and facing their fears. They obviously really love each other and have found common ground. Not always possible depending, but so cool to see it as an example of how people can have it all, if the shoe fits.
jkthsnk
When it’s not Reddit it seems true.
Billy Budd
Totally normal and wonderful attitude.
Xzamilloh
I like her. This doesn’t surprise me, though, as you find gay for pay porn stars with girlfriends/wives who have no problem with seeing their men get it on with guys and some saying it turns them on. People are freaks lol
Darsithis
“People need to understand that sexuality is fluid and there is no right or wrong.”
Yes. Absolutely true. I’m a one-man kind of guy, and my partner is, too, but that doesn’t mean that it is the *only* way to do it.
Atomicrob
Oh well. Lucky them they had a great outcome. However, the article doesn’t explain a word about how it effected his male sex partners. Are they not a viable part of this equation? Did he explain his situation truthfully to them? Did they know he was married and had no intention of dating or entering into a relationship? Despite all the “thataboy’s and how “wonderful” they wife is because she let’s her husband get laid, this is a rather one sided perspective.
leobaga
I’m in this relationship now. Wife wanted my best friend so bad but unbeknownst to her, I’ve already been giving him bj for years. When I opened this up yo my straight friend, he couldn’t be more excited. Unfortunately the two have fallen in love and I feel so left out sometimes. I wanted him, she wanted him, and he wanted her. I’m still married to her but I could sense her excitement every time he’s around.
Steven
Gay men do this all the time. I’m in a same sex open marriage and we love it. I tell people that having sex is fun like masturbation is fun. But having sex with the person you love is making love. Two different things.
Sansacro
Isn’t that Meredith Baxter?
Arconcyyon
Bissexuality the her has male no not dont´s no is yes yes oky ! One Husband Muchu Family .
Arconcyyon
Because the top girls vaca louca vaca xoxoxttata husband the end the end is fantasy uniuon the male the has her future year´s year´s husband . oky
blawrence
This is actually more common that you would think. I had at least 3 friends who went that route for a number of years. Seemed to work well for them and allowed them to continue raising the kids together amicably. Ultimately though they all went their separate ways eventually but I had to give them credit for being so adult about the situation and coming up with a solution which was amenable to both partners.
Guy068
How did she trust him after the big revelation? He made vows that included monogamy and whether its experimenting with that hot dude at the gym or the skank you dated before your wife, it’s still breaking a promise and abusing trust…
teddybear111
HE IS A HANDSOME HUNK!
Brian
This article gives the impression that male bisexuality is about cheating. It isn’t.
If a man in a hetero marriage is more strongly attracted to men than he is to women, the urge to have sex with a man will be greater but it does not justify cheating.
Then, you have men who simply don’t want to be tied down to monogamy regardless of their sexuality. These men love the security of the nuclear family and loving wife but don’t want it to cramp their sex drives.
strix1
Two years cheating, wow. They can do whatever they want, but they do not have a marriage. Good luck.
Bauhaus
@leobaga:
A sticky wicket, for sure.
@strix1:
That’s what homophobes say about our marriages.
scotshot
@strix1:
Great that you’ve cleared that up for the rest of us on Earth. They’re legally married and invite guests into their bed.
Donald Trump is a serial adulterer and the the radical evangelical fundamentalist christians think he’s the best thing on Earth, so you are you to say.
But hey, Thanks for playing
BillSam
@Atomicrob: A really excellent point that shows much more depth than many of the other superficial responses. The guy has his primary relationship with his wife while the gay men he has sex with are just booty calls, non-persons. The wife is jealous of other women, but not men — huh? As I say, the gay men are non-persons to both of these supposedly open-minded people. Glad you saw the one-sided-ness of this and raised a number of issues.
Speaking of which, does anyone else get a little fed up with “bi” men who see women as their “real” relationships and men are just flings on the side — like “I’ll sleep with a guy, but date or marry him — yuck, never.” This attitude is prevalent and so prejudicial and homophobic!
Jack Meoff
@BillSam: This is the point that many people don’t want to acknowledge with bi men who screw guys on the side while still enjoying their straight privilege. To be fair there are plenty of gay men who flock to these married/bi guys for some reason so it is not all their fault. I stopped hooking up with bi men years ago because of their dismissive attitude to sex with men like it was a fun hobby or a sport.
SumSay
@ BillSam & Jack
If a gay guy and a bi guy know what they’re getting out of a relationship, whether it be a fling or a committed one, and aren’t expecting anything more, what’s the problem? If you want more than sex, get to know them better if the feeling is mutual, or keep it moving. Not all bi men want or care enough about “straight privilege” to destroy a potentially good relationship with another man.
Granny Spoth
@Jack Meoff: This is not about bisexuality. Plenty gay men and straight people do that to each other, using someone just as a fun hobby while keeping their hopes up, all the while not being emotionally invested in the relationship at all.
girldownunder
As far as I’m concerned, whatever works for a couple is up to them. I’m not a part of it & Queerty is merely reporting one facet of the human experience. We all have our own, “row to hoe”, as they say, & who am I to worry other’s lives.
In my gut, though, is that I see this couple eventually splitting– because once the kids leave the nest, then the two of them will likely decide to go their separate (bi/gay/str8) ways. It happens to str8 couples, too.
Not because they don’t care for each other, but for the simple fact that I feel that humans, at their core, are more a “friend for a season” creature. I think that the things/ways we do things now (coupling) are societal. Bi/gay can do str8 for the purposes of society/family, but once act 1 is over, then the sub-conscious realization of our impending death (& un-lived lives) begins to surface (my take there). We move on to later-life experiences as we are different people now.
FWIW & Imho
Brian
There are two sides to most men. One side is the nuclear family-loving person. The other side is the promiscuity-loving person.
Monogamy puts a clamp on the latter. It brings men into line with female values.
Guy068
@Brian: Exactly. Cheating is cheating. If you make an agreement with your partner, you don’t get to change it without prior discussion. If you’re a bisexual in a marriage to a heterosexual or homosexual where you’ve agreed on monogamy, your vow means both sexes are off the table on the side, not just the one your partner is. If teh agreement stops working for you, you have a dialog and amend or end it. Cheating only destroys trust…
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
He’s “hung.” All is permissible and all is forgiven.
Bauhaus
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID:
Not so fast – I’d punish him, but good.
BriBri
He’s a fucking cheater and a piece of trash.
Hermes
@strix1: You do not get to judge what OTHER PEOPLE HAVE. You just don’t. Period.
Tracy Pope
@BillSam: As a bi man I have to disagree.
Bi, gay, or straight – a hook-up is just that.
If someone wants more than that then don’t hook-up with married men.
(A married man should be honest and acknowledges he’s married before a hook-up – because feelings do get squishy sometimes).
Evji108
@Arconcyyon: Say what?
BillSam
@Tracy Pope: I think my basic point is that the attitude among some bi men that only a “straight” relationship is a real one, and men are just for sex, is kind of obnoxious, and comes more from internalized homophobia than anything else. Most out and proud gay men, aside from an occasional hook up with no one the wiser, will steer clear of men with wives, be they gay or bi, for the simple fact that there’s no future in it.
That being said, remember I said “some” bi men, not all, although I tend to think bi guys who wind up with husbands instead of wives are the exception that proves the rule, but as there are no statistics on this to my knowledge, who knows for sure?
ErikO
@Jack Meoff: LOL, let’s not kid ourselves the majority of gay men just want to use men for sex, get off, and then move onto the next guy/guys.
ErikO
This guy Mark Bentley Cohen is a “sex and intimacy coach” that means he’s a male prostitute.
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: We don’t know that for sure unless someone has nude pics of him hard.
DavidTheLeo
I don’t know . . . Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t believe a word of this story – period.
SFHandyman
I bet Bill and Hillary have an understanding. It’s gone sideways a few times like when she got pregnant by another guy, and he kept having women telling on him.
It would be nice if they told the whole story, not the details, just “we were open and we loved it” after the White House years are over.
darkanser
@Sansacro: At first when seeing the thumbnail photo, I thought about her too. But to answer your rhetorical question,no, it’s not her.
darkanser
@SFHandyman: Interesting remarks. Hilary is too intelligent of a woman to think that all those women were lying about Bill. I suppose she had to say that to appease the American public who would never accept any complicity on her part. And of course, she knew NOTHING about Monica!! Right.
darkanser
@DavidTheLeo: I get your suspicion but I noticed there’s a link attached to her name. It would be a lot of effort to stage a lie
kent25
You have to draw the line somewhere , To hell with that guy, After he got married he has no right fooling around with men. He’s a PIG, She need to put a ring in his damn nose and make him suffer No more men, No gay porn , make his ass come home right after work, If he has to go somewhere she should be right there next to him, Don’t cut him any slack