A Texas woman has just discovered her husband enjoys watching gay porn before bed and now she doesn’t know what to do, so she’s seeking help from advice columnist Julia Naftulin over at the Insider.
“I recently came into the bedroom to find my husband of 25 years asleep with his iPad on his lap,” she writes. “When I got a closer look, I was shocked to see he had been viewing gay male porn.”
Naturally, she had to immediately shake him awake to find out what was going on.
“When I woke him up and asked him about it, he admitted to looking at all types of porn,” she says, “including threesomes and videos from gay men-specific sites.”
Oh, but it gets worse. Much worse.
As it turns out, he’s not just watching gay porn on his iPad before bed. He’s also watching it on their home computer! At least, she suspects so.
“I’ve also come across targeted ads on our home computer, so I have reason to believe he’s watched it there too.”
And now she’s all confused. Is her husband gay? Is he bisexual? Is he bicurious? Or does he just like watching gay porn? Do straight guys like watching gay porn? Is her marriage a sham? Has she been duped for the past quarter century? What is going on?!
She wonders: “My gut reaction is that straight men don’t look at gay men porn–or do they?”
In her response, Naftulin tells the woman to calm down, relax, just breathe, it’s all gonna be OK.
“When you catch a longtime partner doing something you’ve never seen them do or even talk about before, it can be quite a shock,” she writes.
“Add pornography consumption, a topic that’s taboo in our society, into the mix, and I can understand why you’re so taken aback by your discovery.”
But, she says, people’s porn preferences aren’t necessarily a reflection of their sexual ones.
“People’s personal turn-ons don’t always correlate with their sexual orientation,” she writes.
Oh, and as for sexual orientation, it’s time to update her thinking on that as well.
Continues Naftulin, “There’s a whole spectrum of sexuality that goes beyond ‘gay’ and ‘straight,’ including of course bisexuality, so it’s possible for your husband to be totally satisfied with you as a life partner while still having some level of desire for men.”
Naftulin says the woman might benefit from having a serious heart-to-heart with her husband, but, if she does, she should be respectful about it.
“Take a curious approach to your conversation,” she writes. “Rather than interrogate your husband about the various types of porn he’s been watching, say, ‘It’s interesting that gay porn turns you on. Would you be willing to tell me more about why that is?'”
What do you think of this woman’s not-so-unusual predicament? And what advice would you give her? Sound off in the comments section below…