“Deep down I knew I was gay,” 23-year-old Steven Stumph writes in a moving new essay published by Outsports, “but I held it as my biggest secret, even afraid to let myself know.”
Steven graduated from the University of Southern California last June. While he was there, he was team captain of the Trojans swim team, where he competed from 2014-17. Throughout high school and during his first two years at USC, however, he kept his sexuality a closely-guarded secret.
“I didn’t want to be known as the gay guy from outside Berkeley,” he recalls. “I wanted my teammates to get to know me as the guy from outside Berkeley who had a passion for learning, swimming, food, travel, different cultures and friends. So I remained in the closet.”
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The summer after his sophomore year, Steven got the opportunity to travel to Africa. He went to Lusaka, Zambia, then to Livingston, Zimbabwe, and eventually to South Africa, where he went on a safari.
Steven recalls:
During our visit, we had a male safari guide. One night I was star gazing, admiring how I could see all the constellations in the amazingly crystal-clear sky. The safari guide came up to me, took my hand, came real close and pointed out all the Southern Hemisphere constellations.
He proceeded to say, “I totally understand if you don’t want to answer, if you give me no tip, and report me to my boss, but I want to ask you something. By any chance are you gay?” In this moment, all I wanted to do was say yes. I was in the middle of nowhere, literally. I could tell him I was gay, and no one else would have to know. I could finally let out my secret.
I was not ready to tell him, let alone in the middle of nowhere halfway across the globe. I told the safari guide no. He responded, “aw, all right man. My mate thought you were cute.” He motioned for his buddy to come around the corner and out walks this extremely handsome man. I told myself, that’s it, never again am I going to lie about being gay.
When he returned home, Steven decided to come out to his friends and family. He told his best friend first, who responded by saying, “It’s about time!” Then he told his parents, who were also immediately accepting. Finally, he told his teammates at USC. The response was overwhelmingly positive.
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Today, Steven credits his safari guide for giving him the courage to live his truth.
“The reason I waited to come out was because I was afraid of what other people thought of me. I was sacred their perception of me would supersede the person I wanted them to see,” he writes. “But all this time I was hiding the real me and living a fake life for other people.”
Check out Steven’s full essay over at Outsports and scroll down for a sampling of pics from his Instagram page…
h/t: Outsports
gravityyaoi
Are rich narcissistic white guys with instagram paying you to write these stories? Or are you touching yourself while scrolling instagram and deciding to make some money off of it? There’s nothing inspiring about this story and this guy’s faux problems. Boohoo I missed out on getting laid by my safari guides who prey on their clients.
Find some real people with real plight that might inspire people to help others or encourage frightened young LGBT youth to find help they need.
gayjim1969
Who said everyone’s coming out story has to be a Shakespearian tragedy? Everyone’s story is different, and people find inspiration in different places–maybe you weren’t uplifted by Steven’s story, but other young people–and other closeted LGBTQ individuals–might find a narrative meaningful where friends and family accept the person coming out.
The inner process of coming out is difficult regardless how accepting people are, and regardless how tolerant family and friends may be, we all face bigotry/hate nearly every day; besides, it’s good to hear these types of stories to know that we have made strides in fighting homophobia.
Bradsman
He’s cute. That’s all the criteria needed for this website to do a story. Haven’t you figured that out? I was expecting something like seeing the majesticy of the animals inspired him to come out, not he could have had sex with the tour guide!
gayjim1969
@Bradsman
“I was expecting something like seeing the majesticy [sic] of the animals inspired him to come out, not he could have had sex with the tour guide!”
Although I thought the same, I think that kind of perspicacity was probably a bit much to hope for from a typical 20-year-old college athlete.
Considering we’re talking Queerty, we should have known. {Shrugs}
Danny595
Nice racism there buddy. Also, there is no such thing as LGBT and this cool guy has nothing to do with transgenderism.
JaredMacBride
To “gravityyaoi” – Butt hurt because the champion swimmer isn’t thoroughly miserable like you are? Attitudes like yours are going to be a lot more off-putting to “frightened” young people than the benign story of a swimmer who came out and made it work.
batesmotel
Yeah, I thought the same thing. Cute guy, but because the other potential was cute, that was your motivation? What a let down.
gravityyaoi
Y’all seem to assume my being irked at Queerty seems to mean I’m discounting his coming out. These are not mutually exclusive and I can have an opinion on it while still respecting it. No one is 100 percent happy with everything so don’t expect it.
But onto the point of my comment, news outlets have an obligation to do the maximum amount of good with their articles and this isn’t even the bare minimum to pass.
You don’t show people what they can’t have to lift them up, it only makes them resentful. You dont eat a feast in front od a starving person and expect them to be happy for you.
If you want to help youth then show them there are others in their situation and guide them to bettering it.
Barlow
Alright Danny595 – I’ll bite: What does, “There’s not such thing as LGBT,” mean? I take it in your self-loathing little world-order, the Heteros are at the top, then somewhere under them come you as a Gay (I’m gonna guess white) male, and Transsexuals somewhere below that – so at least you get to feel superior to someone. Sorry hunty, but it’s hierarchies like those that are really imaginary.
ProfessorMoriarty
Wow, what a hunk. And wow, what a bitter party of one ^^^
Jaxton
Even though this guy had liberal friends, he was worried about their perception of him if he came out. I don’t blame him. Liberals tend to put gay-identifying men into a box of pre- conceptions. Conservatives tend to treat you more normally.
gayjim1969
LOL! Yes, that’s been my experience, Jaxton–liberals have boxed me in by their pre-conceptions by allowing me to define myself as a gay male, accepting my sexual orientation, and {GASP} my retweeting gay porn on Twitter. Conservatives, on the other hand, have treated me “normally” by judging me for my sexual “preference,” my “choosing” to be gay, calling me “perverted,” “sick,” a “pedophile,” an “animal,” and telling me that I’m going to Hell–and these are the things I can post here. Of course, every conservative isn’t like that, but I’ve never had a liberal say those things to me; for all their pro-free speech and personal rights claims, many conservatives seem to be advocates only for THEIR free speech and THEIR personal rights–that seems very hypocritical to me.
batesmotel
I thought that was odd as well. It’s 2017 and he’s in the most liberal area on the planet where they are likely more pro-gay than anywhere else.
Mick406
Not one good, revealing picture in the lot of ’em!!!
And why in the world did he turn down an ‘opportunity’ with the guide who could not tell anyone in the world what happened?! He sure knows how to miss a good chance.
Josh447
Yup, after seeing the hottie he could have said ‘but I’m bi’ and had himself a good time.
judysdad
WAY past time for gay publications and gay guys themselves to stop using the term “cute” for presumably adult males. That’s a term generally used by middle-school girls.
BriBri
He’s lucky he wasn’t thrown to the lions in Africa, you’re not in Kansas anymore Dorothy!
batesmotel
He’s a good looking guy and seems nice, but that was until I read what prompted him to come out. A missed opportunity to roll around with another good looking guy. That shouldn’t have been the motivating factor. Total letdown to hear it was for superficial reasons. I’m sure he’s a great guy otherwise, but the shallowness was evident in his reasoning.
joe
stories like this depress me, my situation was/is awful. i see these guys with loving and supportive families and friends. i cant even begin to imagine this happening with me. i began to tell my brother but he just got up and walked out of the room. i told one friend a few yrs ago and his response was well thats your own business its not like you have to feel you need to share it with anyone. he slowly faded away. i really am happy for this guy and others like him…i always wonder if these guy really really understand how lucky they are
skcord
I’m sorry that happened to you!
Stache
Well, you could be like me and my dad finding out and promptly kicking me out of the house at 18.
Josh447
Real friends stick by you irregardless, so come out and then make friends who accept you. Not all coming out stories are nice ones, but even the bad ones can turn out good cuz living your truth can make that happen. Not the other way around. Best of luck to you.
GayEGO
Stache, it was your dad’s loss for being so cruel. But I did not come out to my family until I was 50 and my dad had already passed away. My mother and two sisters were OK with it.
Harriman
So inspiring! 23, traveling the world, and having your safari guide tell you your truth, instagram, first class tickets, and concierge services. So difficult to be gay during these horrible times. Why do you not tell the stories about old fags like me who made this charming bullshit possible?
Jaxton
By the way, if I were on safari in Africa and a guide said that I was cute, I’d make love to him like an animal.
Harriman
By the way Jaxton, you are a conservative ass.
scooter12
It amazes me how awful and hypocritical the ‘gay community’ can be with each other…here we preach about acceptance, diversity and equality- we stand on a soap box and proclaim “Don’t Judge Us- Accept Us For Who We Are”….yet within our own community, we are just awful to each other= we judge each other, we shame each other, we bully and belittle each other. Look in the mirror guys, and how about we treat each other as we demand the world treats us…don’t judge- don’t hate- just be kind to one another.
GayEGO
Well said and it should be better now than it was back in the 1960s when there were a lot of dishy queens! :>)
GayEGO
I remember when, back in the day, I decided to join the Navy in 1959 and put aside my gayness, and then, the Navy brought me out in our nations capitol city, Washington D.C. back in 1960. I was transferred to Boston in 1961, met my lifetime partner in Boston in 1962, was honorably discharged in in 1963, and went to work in Boston in the computer/unit record equipment industry. My partner and I got married in 2004 in Cambridge, MA, and now we are both retired and living the American dream!
chavezry87
Lol, I hit on this guy on Grindr a couple months ago when he was in my town with the USC swim team! I knew I recognized the pics from his IG…and no im not a stalker, he linked his IG to Grindr