Woman Beats Gay Ex-Hubby, Ruins Lives

We hate to post this so soon after Jack E. Jett’s stellar addition in The Totally Frightful Issue, but it’s really too good to sit on: a 45-year old British woman named Fiona Marsden has already lost her husband, her license, £100, and may also lose her job after beating her husband.

Why did Ms. Marsden lose her shit? Well, it seems that she had come home early one day to find him “performing an act” for a webcame, Manchester Evening News reports. Shocked, appalled, and probably more than a little embarrassed, Ms. Marsden did what any good woman would do: she drove to the pub, downed a few vodka’s straight, got back in her car, crashed it a few times, and then proceeded to beat her husband with her purse and fists. (His penis was a primary target, to be sure.)

At the hearing, Marsden’s lawyer insisted Marsden had mixed too much booze with too many pills, thus preventing her from remembering anything that happened after leaving the bar. Wht’s more: “The humiliation and shock of finding out her husband was gay in the manner in which she did was enormous…”

Apparently an empathetic woman, “Magistrate Marie Brinicombe conditionally discharged Marsden, due to ‘exceptional mitigating circumstances’.”

As mentioned before, she’s had her driver’s license revoked and owes her ex £100, while her occupational future hangs in limbo.

So, what’s the job she may lose for her violent outburst? She’s a social worker….

(Oh, the hubby’s still with the webcam lover. Heart warming.)