wedding bells

Woman explains why she’s marrying her gay best friend and the Internet has thoughts

A woman’s post explaining why she’s marrying her best friend has captured the internet’s attention.

Taking to Reddit with a “burner account, because wayyy too many of my friends use” the platform, she provided the context.

“I (20f) come from a culture where it’s very normal for your parents to set you up with a marriage partner,” she wrote. “My parents have had these family friends since immigrating to America ages ago, and they have a son around my age (22m). Both families had decided to marry us off to each other pretty much since my birth. My ‘fiancé,’ who I’ll call M and I pretty much grew up together because of this. He’s my best friend, my soulmate, and my ride or die.”

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Setting aside the debate over arranged marriages, this sounds like it could have been a lucky break. Except for one detail.

“Here’s the thing though,” she continued. “M is gay. He’s known since he was 11 and told me when he was 16 and I was 14. Because of our culture, M is guaranteed to be cut off, bashed and even physically hurt if he ever comes out.”

She added that, “we both always knew we would end up married, so me and M began comprising [a plan.] We’ll be married. We’ll go on ‘dates.’ We’ll be the perfect couple for our families. But in reality, he’s my best friend who I guess is now my roommate for life!”

And they’ve even discussed what comes next: “We’ll lie and say I’m infertile, suffer through one wedding kiss, pursue our own relationships, and no one’s going to know.”

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It all sounds a bit precarious, but she insists they’re both happy with the plan.

“We’re not moving in together until after the wedding, but we’re honestly both so excited to do this. It sucks that it has to be this way, but at least we’re stuck together,” she concluded.

Several commenters praised the idea of a “platonic marriage.”

“The platonic love that you guys share is better than like, a large double-digit percentage of toxic marriages out there,” one person wrote. “I wish you guys all the best, and it’s a shame to have to stay in the shadows but hopefully some day it won’t have to be that way.”

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Another agreed: “I think there’s nothing wrong with people getting into ‘platonic marriages’ the deep bond between the two people is usually still there, they just don’t have sex and do romantic things together, and you give each other benefits you otherwise wouldn’t have if you were ‘single.'”

But others were less enthusiastic. One commenter who comes from “a very similar culture” had this advise:

“Honestly, in the short term this sounds like a good plan. But be aware that you both are young and as you grow as people, situations will come up that you cannot see as yet (ie work/money issues, family starting to hound for kids, you or husband falling in love with someone down the road). Again, short term this seems like a good first step to get out of your family’s controlling grips. But long term, try to set up your independence from them. Keep them at an arms distance as much as you can and do not let them try to influence any decisions you guys make as a married union.”

Another wondered: “Sounds good on paper but what if one of you or both of you find love elsewhere?”

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