It’s nearly inevitable that everyone will at some point have a sexual fantasy about a platonic friend — you’re around them all the time, you’re already attracted to their personality enough to be friends and even by the most conservative estimates out there, we think about sex upwards of 100 times a day. Do the math.
You might have even had a fling or seven with a close friend — hey, why not?
But there’s a fine line between acting on a fantasy and overstepping a relationship’s boundaries, and one confused woman on Reddit will hopefully avoid the latter by acting on the advice she received about whether or not she should hit up her gay male friend for some sexy time.
“I’m a 30 year old female who wants to be sexually intimate with her gay best friend,” she wrote.
She continued:
My friend is also 30 and we’ve been best friends since 7th grade. We were always just friends, he came out in 9th grade, but we always knew that he had a thing for guys. Anyhow, we talk about our sexual flings like friends do and it never really did anything for me. Then I was talking to him about how crappy porn is and how I hate that porn always involves a screaming woman and a silent guy, so he suggested I checkout some gay porn. Well, that’s when everything changed. It was amazing, the sounds the guys made did things to me that I can’t describe and now I can’t stop thinking about my gay best friend in a sexual way. I fantasize about sleeping with him, pegging him, doing a mmf with him or even just watching him have sex with another guy while masturbate in the corner. These are the only thoughts that get me off now when I masturbate. I don’t know if I could ever make them a reality. I don’t think my friend sees me in a sexual way, when I give him a seductive glare to get something I want he’ll say “Your Jedi mindpowers don’t work on me.” We kiss on the mouth to say hello and bye but we’ve never madeout. We’ve always just been friends. I don’t know if it would even be fairgame to ask him if he’s ever wanted to makeout or have sex with me.
Should I ask him?
The response was a unanimous: No!
“If you value your friendship I would not ask him,” one commenter wrote, adding, “In my experience, the realization that someone you do not think of in a sexual way thinks of you in a sexual way can not only make time spent together awkward in future, but can ruin memories of all the good times you spent together.”
Another offered some practical advise: “Some fantasies need to stay fantasies. Just break out the vibrator and maintain your friendship.”
“I cringed so hard my forehead cramped up,” wrote another person. We feel you there.
Yet another suggested there’s a double-standard for a straight person asking a gay person to have hetero sex: “I’m just saying if a straight dude posted here about how he wanted to pressure his lesbian friend into straight stuff it’d be at -257 and every one of the op’s comments would be at a similar score.”
We have to agree with the chorus on this one — nothing she says indicates any interest on his part in a sexual relationship.
Don’t mess up a good thing.
Steven Publicover
Advice, not advise.
Scott Mellon
I (gay male) have been propositioned by straight women. Also by men I am not interested in. It’s not a biggy. Grow up and deal with it.
Derek Perron
Would that be the advice if a gay man went after his straight friend ?
Charles Smith
Afrikaans men from South Africa have the biggest and longest PENISES! The Afrikaners descend from mainly Dutch, French and German immigrants who integrated with other European, African and Asian settlers in the 17th century. The men are usually 6 feet tall, athletic and rugged, with long thick uncut PENISES! Why is this so!?
Scott Mellon
My advice Derek? Yes it would be the same. That has also happened and he did. He was a grown up and he dealt with it.
Linda Dublin
Well if your friend is gay big chance he won’t fancy a woman.
CJones01
Find a bisexual boyfriend.
Prinny
@Derek Perron: Yes it would
Cam
@Charles Smith:
You have posted that comment on multiple posts, what is your issue?
onlymyopinion
@Charles Smith: @Charles Smith: Charles, LOL, thumbs up from this Afrikaner
Desert Boy
Cute guy. I see why baby girl has a Jones for him.
Cam
I love how the woman tries to use something ELSE as an excuse.
Oh gosh, I wasn’t attracted to him until HE TOLD ME TO WATCH GAY PORN.
I call major B.S. on this. She is a single woman over 30 who has been hanging out with the same guy forever. She’s had a thing for him for years and is just inventing some stupid excuse. Unless that gay porn had actors that looked exactly like her friend and she suddenly realized he was hot, there is nothing there that would change anything.
Just another case of one person being a friend, and the other person thinking that if they hand out long enough, even years they will eventually get to sleep with them.
Desert Boy
@Cam: He likes Afrikaners with big c o c k s.
BJ McFrisky
@Steven Publicover: Expecting proper grammar/spelling on this site is akin to expecting their stories to be “news.”
Ain’t gonna happen no-how.
AJAnders
@ Cam
She actually seems to dwell more on THE SOUNDS the guys were making in the gay porn that somehow “magically” made her attracted to her best friend.
Soooooo….if the guys in those videos weren’t making sounds, she wouldn’t be attracted to her best friend? This makes so sense.
Maude
@Charles Smith: Don’t know, but it sure sounds good!
Maude
If they are close friends, he may let her blow him, or use a strap-on. LOL
sportsguy1983
Reddit is the gathering spot for stupid people to talk about their stupid decision making
alphacentauri
@sportsguy1983: Well said. If she really wants to be with a a man who is sexually and emotionally attracted to men she should date or have a LTR with a bisexual man.
@Maude: Would you let a close female friend of yours blow you, or use a strapon on you?
Hussain-TheCanadian
It seems to me she liked the way gay men react with each other sexuality; she probably likes the reaction, the movement, the energy.
I think straight men are encouraged not to make any moaning sounds, move in a certain way that doesn’t “compromise their manliness”.
It also could be the “comfort/safe factor” – she feels comfortable and safe around her friend, and she thinks this might be carried over into sex.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@Hussain-TheCanadian: “”It seems to me she liked the way gay men react with each other sexuality””
Sexually****
auntsharon
@Desert Boy: Can you say, “Stock photo”? Via Getty Images.
Hillers
@Derek Perron: Exactly my thought. It would be a chorus of, “Give it a try. You never know!”
Brian
I think that maybe this woman has ego issues. She feels as if she can “conquer” the male and thus boost her sense of self-esteem in the process. You also see this in straight-identifying men who wish to “conquer” lesbians.
Heck, you even see it in gay-identifying men who try to seduce straight-identifying men.
DuMaurier
@Derek Perron:
“Would that be the advice if a gay man went after his straight friend?” Interesting…In his advice column, hasn’t Dan Savage basically suggested “give it a shot and see what happens” when you’re a gay guy with the hots for your straight buddy?
Giancarlo85
I would advise this lady asks him, and that way she would have one less friend. Looking at your friends that way? Pathetic.
@DuMaurier: Straight men are NOT into us. Lets stop playing to that fantasy.
@Brian: And you can’t conquer anyone… not even other men because you’re so ridiculous and pathetic.
What is with this “identifying” crap? Again, sexual orientation isn’t a choice. Stop inferring it is.
Alan David Smith
while the fantasies are great. the truth is. the trust and bonding that you get is what the attraction is. enjoy your fantasy. hell try looking up a site for women who seek bi-men. and be happy. and enjoy your friendship with him. good luck.
Captain Obvious
Some women seriously think movie plots can play out irl. Explains why I’ve actually had some women tell me I’m just pretending to be gay to get near them or whatever. I mean there are like at least 4 movies with that exact plot and I don’t think anyone would need to do something that dumb in real life.
But hey the sexual fluidity revolution will just give them more hope that they can change you… or “fix” you. Keep that up.
Giancarlo85
@Captain Obvious: I am absolutely shocked that ANYONE would try to get with you… Seeing as to how unpleasant and miserable you are. I am in shock… But of course you probably made it up.
DuMaurier
@Giancarlo85: No, I wasn’t supporting Savage’s advice (to be fair, his point was that the “straight” friend might be closeted, which wouldn’t really have a parallel with this story) But even though I’m not exactly proud of it, that fantasy has been part of me for a looooong time. It’s pretty common among gay males, which I’m sure you know. It’s not going anywhere soon.