A young woman slept with her gay best friend. Now she says she’s in love with him and wonders if maybe she can turn him straight. So she’s seeking counsel from advice columnist Dear Prudence.
“I had a really big crush on this guy back in eighth grade,” the woman’s letter begins. “He told me he was gay, and we’ve been best friends ever since. My parents know he’s gay, so we don’t have to follow rules I would normally have to follow if I had a guy over.”
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The woman says she and her GBF recently started messing around with one another.
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“Recently he has started kissing me, and he feels me up sometimes too,” she explains. “I asked him what was going on, and he said he was just curious. I thought it was weird that he would be curious about what a girl felt like if he was attracted to guys, but I didn’t say anything else.”
After a few heavy petting sessions, the two had sex. Now she wonders if maybe he’s not gay anymore.
“I asked him if this meant he wasn’t really gay, and he said ‘No,’ that he was still just curious, that it felt good but he was still only attracted to guys,” she says. “I feel he may not really be gay at all because I look nothing like a guy, and he had to have been attracted to me in order to do it, right?”
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She continues: “I don’t know what to do. I love him, and he says that he loves me too but just wants to stay friends but that he also would like to have sex again. I would like to do that again and again and again, but it’s because I love him so much.”
“What makes someone gay?” she wonders. “And can you be gay but still have sex with someone who is not gay? I am really confused right now.”
In her response, Prudence wastes no time bringing the young woman back down to reality.
“I think his being gay is a red herring,” she says. “What’s more important is that he’s made it clear that while he’d like to have sex with you again, he’s not interested in dating you or reciprocating your romantic feelings.”
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“Whatever his sexuality ends up being,” the tough love continues, “it sounds like he’s more interested in treating you like a fun experiment than someone whose feelings he’ll take into consideration before doing whatever he feels like doing.”
Prudence’s final piece of advice: “Tell him … exactly how you feel about him and that you don’t want to be something he explores out of curiosity. The worst thing you could do right now is hide your feelings, continue to sleep with him, and hope that something magically changes and he suddenly starts to love you in the way you want to be loved.”
What do you think? Do you agree with Prudence’s advice? Sound off in the comments section below.
DarkZephyr
Wow. The “gay” “friend” sure sounds likes like a using douche bag. What an a-hole. He is putting this poor girl through it! He is no friend.
1898
You know what else is a red herring? The headline of this article. It’s quite clear from the young woman’s letter that he seduced her, not the other way around.
Billy Budd
The advice is correct. She must make him realize that he is using her, and in a very bad way.
Josh447
Talk about a heartbreaker. Run grl Run.
Daniel-Reader
Maybe he figures she is cheaper than a surrogate if he knocks her up and then she can’t pretend she didn’t know he was gay.
MMDD
Two things are clear: 1) He’s bi, not gay. If he were really gay, he wouldn’t want to have sex with her again. The curiosity would be satisfied already. It’s gone beyond just curiosity. 2) He’s a total jerk because he’s using her. He’s no “friend,” not by any measure. Good advice from Prudence.
Marky
This whole story makes me feel sick to my stomach.
They forgot all the parts where the girl acts like a fuckin whore and leads him on. She was probably giving him eyes the whole time. 99% of my female friends were like this growing up. Oh, and any sexual opportunity he might actually ENJOY? Tough shit, those are pre-reserved for the females and not you or the GUY that you’re attracted to.
I think a lot of gay men have sex with women in high school etc mainly because the women won’t just get out of the way. I can’t stand being touched without my permission and WOMEN are the WORST for it. Fuckin gross. Wimpy.
Dellen95
@DarkZephyr:
He clearly let her know it was only sexual, why is he considered an asshole if he only wants sex?
Dellen95
@Billy Budd:
He clearly let her know hes only looking for sex and no relationship, any other conflict hmshe brings up is pretty much her leading herself on with her wishful thinking.
Dellen95
The guy only wants sex, her let her know that, so if he already let her know he doesnt want a relationship yet she still continues to hurt herself with hope, why is he a jerk?
Dellen95
Im sure lots of you guys did the SAME THING to other guys that this gay gentelmen did to this girl. yet when the “victim” in question is a girl somehow its ok to stuff your mind with wishful thinking. I see gay guys who think they can get into a relationship with a “straight” crush JUST because they slept with them, and these gay men, get a reality check by all the commenters. Somehow when its a woman its different? Now the guy who obviously let the person in question that their only experiementings a jerk? Get otta here, your basically hating on the guy because hes gay or should I say “gay”
gaym50ish
She needs to stop thinking of gay and straight as black and white. Think of it on the zero-to-six scale as Kinsey described it. Some people are at 0 or 6, but most of us are somewhere in between. This guy is probably about a 5 — close to totally gay, but not quite.
I don’t know many gay men who have not done something with a woman at some time in their lives.
jdboston617
This is just another phony story from a 16 year old. Laughable as always.
Mkiel
@Dellen95: Right, he has made his desires very clear . She knew he was gay before so I don’t think he has done anything wrong.
DuMaurier
If he says he’s gay, then I think the answer to her question is, Yes, he’s gay–just not as gay as someone who could not, under any circumstances, in any universe, under the influence of whatever combo of alcohol and drugs, be able to physically complete that particular act.
It’s a spectrum, not a box (and while he sounds a little focused on what he wants, he was pretty upfront, so I don’t think ‘douche’ fits. And even if, as jdboston617 thinks, this is a “phony story”, for once it hardly matters: this scenario has played out exactly this way so many times it’s a true cliche. In my life, just for starters)
enlightenone
@gaym50ish: “…I don’t know many gay men who have not done something with a woman at some time in their lives…”
Due to social PRESSURES, CONFORM, DENY, HIDE,etc. None good!
Again, chornological age clearly doen’t make you wise!
MMDD
@Dellen95: Bullshit. Stop assuming what other people do. It’s just as shitty to use a guy for sex as it is to use a girl for sex. He likely knows this girl has feelings for him, and the worse thing he could do is continue to have sex with her, which will only make her feelings stronger for him. If he’s a decent human being, he’ll cut off the sexual contact with her NOW. He does have a hand, you know.
TravisLopez
I personally think this guy is bi, probably straight… he clearly feels a certain amount of physical attraction for this girl. If this story is true, he tots had them all fooled. having all what gay guys get from girls(friendship and exceptions) as well as what bi/straight guys want(sex) without having to commit anything… I agree with prudence; his being gay is a red herring. just trying to mislead judgement to avoid commitment or other sh*t he wants to avoid. Lots of bi guys do this things; guy=sex,girl=relationship or girl=sex,guy=relationship, which is bull crap.
Chris
Take him at his word: he was curious, it felt good, and he’s attracted to men. What’s so difficult about that?
CurlyMop
Bi erasure at work once again, so many bi men being labeled as gay or lying about their sexuality.
TravisLopez
@Chris: No he’s not, doing it more than once is too much for curiosity. and so what if hes attracted to men?, he could very well be bi(yes, they exist).