A Texas woman is at a complete loss after discovering her husband has been soliciting other men for sex on the DL, so she’s writing to Dear Abby for help.
“My husband and I have been married 35 years,” the letter begins. “Our sex life was never very active, but we have been each other’s soul mates and best friends. We had a rough few years early on, but managed to come back together, and our relationship is great.”
Or so she thought.
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She continues: “Recently, while I was setting up new email addresses, I saw some messages he had sent in response to requests from married men looking for sex with other men. I just can’t reconcile this with the man I know; however, I’m sure it’s true.”
So now what? She wonders.
“I’m not sure if I should tell him I know, or if I should try to forget it,” she laments. “After all, I may be the reason he’s looking for sexual satisfaction. More than anything, I’m surprised he’s not looking for a woman. I’m sure confused. What should I do?”
In her response, Abby assures the woman it’s not her fault if her husband is attracted to men.
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“I seriously doubt that this is your fault,” she writes. “Your husband doesn’t look for women to satisfy his sex drive because his orientation may be homosexual (or bisexual) rather than heterosexual.”
She does, however, question whether the couple can truly be soul mates when there is dishonesty happening in their relationship,
“Soul mates and best friends communicate honestly with each other,” she says. “I do think you should level with him about what you discovered. Is his having sex outside of your marriage all right with you?”
Finally, Abby urges, the woman needs to take care of herself and her health.
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“If you have had sexual relations with him over the last few years, make an appointment with your doctor to be checked for STDs,” she advises.
What do you think this woman should do? Should she confront her husband, or let sleeping does lie? Share your advice in the comments below…
Alan down in Florida
” We had a rough few years early on, but managed to come back together, and our relationship is great.”
Obviously he reconciled himself to going outside the marriage for gay sexual fulfillment and she was satisfied to getting occasional “sloppy seconds.” Personally it sounds like the perfect solution for both of them. He gets the (gay) sex he wants and she gets the emotionally satisfying relationship she wants.
Win-win
radiooutmike
I’m inclined to agree with you, but only if, they had been really honest with each after the first few rough years. If they did that, they could have at least discussed an open marriage or divorcing.
She does not sound like she is terribly upset about the sex. Perhaps she may have suspected it all along? But the emotional betrayal is something she has to work through, and that may be really uneasy for her especially if she discovers she was complicit in not wanting to know.
Matt1961
ugh, I WAS that guy, except I didn’t solicit sex outside of my marriage. I was married 22 years before I finally hit a crossroads. divorce and come out or leave this world. I have 3 incredible children from my marriage and don’t regret getting married to a woman, however I needed to be happy and have a healthy sexual relationship as well. Ultimately I did come out to my wife and kids, divorced and am living with my boyfriend and my kids. Although I wanted to leave on good terms for us both, my ex decided to take the low road and is estranged to not only me but our children as well.
Chris
She needs to confront him, if only for her peace of mind.
However, before going into that conversation, she needs to have some idea of what she wants. At their age, divorce might not be a viable alternative for either of them because of finances if for no other reason.
Good luck to them both.
Jack Meoff
If past generations hadn’t made men feel so guilty about being gay and allowed them to be who they are there would be less women dealing with this very scenario today. The number of married men over 40 or 50 who hit me up for sex online is incredible.
Sluggo2007
She wonders what to do? DUH!!!!!