A woman has written to Cosmo’s advice columnist Logan Hill for help in decoding her relationship.
“A few months ago, I snooped on my boyfriend’s Instagram and saw that he had been talking to other girls on there for a little over a year,” the letter begins. “He said that it was nothing and he was sorry. We were going through a rough time, so I understood that he just wanted to feel wanted.”
But that wasn’t what raised her suspicion. It was something else.
“I didn’t understand why there was a guy in his messages talking about having sex and why he responded,” she writes.
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According to the woman, her boyfriend swore he didn’t know who had send the messages or how they even got there. He managed to convince her his account had been hacked, which she fully believed… until recently.
“I tried to get onto my email account but realized my boyfriend forgot to sign out of his,” she explains. “I got curious and scrolled a little and noticed that there were a bunch of messages from Craigslist, all responding or posting about having sex with men.”
The woman was horrified.
She continues: “I read all of them. They were very detailed about what he wanted the guys to do and what he would do. There were even pictures of him on his knees that someone else took, pictures of his butt, and ones he took himself.”
When she asked her boyfriend about it, he claimed the pictures had been photoshopped. But the woman had her doubts. Especially since many of them were clearly taken inside his house.
But it doesn’t end there.
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“A gay friend of mine also found him on Tinder,” the woman continues. “He keeps denying all of this, but I am not sure how he can deny the pictures or emails that he ‘never got notifications for.’ It’s really hard to believe him given everything I have seen.”
She concludes her letter by writing, “I told him that if it was true, I wouldn’t be mad. I love him and I hate that I think he’s lying to me about this.”
Logan wastes no time getting right to business.
“Before we get to the nitty-gritty, let’s be clear: Your boyfriend is lying,” he writes. “You’ve found messages on Instagram and in his email. You’ve seen photos of him on his knees and read a whole lot of explicit Craigslist emails. Your friend saw him on Tinder. He says he was hacked. He wasn’t.”
He continues: “Think of what a massive hacking conspiracy this would have to be — and for what? Did a network of hackers unite in a long-term, ongoing conspiracy with the sole goal of making it seem like your boyfriend is attracted to men? No.”
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Logan tells the woman point blank that she needs to stop making excuses and believe her eyes. Ultimately, he says, she needs to be smart and protect herself.
“Until your boyfriend opens up, I think you need to assume that he’s been having affairs, so don’t trust him if he says he hasn’t had sex with anyone else,” he writes. “I’ll give you the same advice I’d give anyone in a non-monogamous relationship, straight, gay, or bisexual: Practice safe sex. Period.”
Aromaeus
She needs to get tested like asap along with dumping his ass.
My2Cents
It is amazing the lengths our minds will go to convince us we are not seeing what we are seeing. She needs to dump his ass not for the cheating but for making her believe she is that dumb!
scooterdie
Hon, your boyfriend is gay. Straight men don’t post pictures of the butts to other men online. Run, run far, run fast and most importantly run to the doctors to get tested.
Brian
Cosmo is sexist and demeaning to women. It does not serve the interests of women.
As for the husband, let him have his fantasies. It’s not cheating if he’s just fantasizing. The woman seems borderline homophobic, particularly as she seems more horrified by his sexting with men than with women.
Brian
@scooterdie: Your comment sounds homophobic to me. Her husband is no more gay than he is straight.
Stop imposing identity politics onto others, sweetheart.
miserylovedme24
@Brian: While I don’t disagree about Cosmo, I’d say making or responding to Craigslist posts makes it clear that it’s not just fantasizing. You only get Craigslist involved if you actually want to meet someone. Whether he has yet or not is questionable, but he’s clearly trying.
Brian
There is no evidence that the boyfriend is cheating on her. No evidence at all. Cheating means you have a physical affair with someone else.
He’s entitled to fantasy. Everybody is entitled to fantasy. Husbands are entitled to fantasy. Women are entitled to fantasy.
I doubt that any of you would admonish a woman who was fantasizing in the same way the man is doing in this article. You would probably be saying “you go, girl”.
Many of you are thinly-veiled homophobes who fear the ability of a man to swing both ways. As feminized, gay-identifying guys, you take the position of the woman who seeks to condemn men who have the capacity to swing both ways. You’ve assumed the homophobic female role.
Jack Meoff
Wow these articles (which are usually fiction) are starting to get a bit repetitive and boring and yet readers still take the bait. Brian must just about cream his pants every time Queerty posts one of these fantasy stories.
Brian
@Jack Meoff: Yes, I love stories that point to the innate anti-male and anti-male-to-male homophobic attitudes of women, especially liberal women.
Women fear the power of male homosexual desire because it ruins their business model as a gender.
CaliKyle
@Jack Meoff: But you’re at least as predictable as Brian, Jack. Anytime theres an article here about something you have not personally experienced or encountered you immediately dismiss it as click bait fantasies. I agree completely with Brian this one time except for the part where the gf isnt supposed to be justifiably pissed off about her bf lying to her. Legit straight guys DO mess around with each other and with gay guys sometimes and often stuff we do online we would not actually do irl.
Jack Meoff
@CaliKyle: I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. I’ve been there and done that. I’m saying that these elaborate tales that get published are fiction. Any man I know who has been caught out has had to deal with a huge fight and being thrown out of the house not a confused timid wife who writes to dear Abbey or Reddit asking what she should do.