Out(ing) Fest

Wow, Ellen just outed a whole cabal of cartoons

TV talk show host Ellen DeGeneres just made headlines for outing a whole slew of gay TV stars. The twist: they’re all animated.

DeGeneres made the proclamation during a recent broadcast of her show, dubbing herself the “leading expert on gay” before launching into her outing fest. Apparently, the announcement by HBO Max that the popular Scooby-Doo character Velma Dinkley would get her own spin-off prompted the remarks, as the character has long been considered something of a lesbian icon.

“People online are once again debating whether Velma is a lesbian,” Ellen explained. “So here are my thoughts. First of all, she’s a cartoon character so no one should really care about her sexuality. Secondly, just ’cause she wears those clothes and has short hair doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian.”

“And third, obviously, she’s a lesbian,” Ellen admitted. “Come on. Velma, she’s on our team. She does all the things lesbians do. She has short hair. She has thick glasses. She solves mysteries. She’s basically the Rachel Maddow of cartoons.”

“I heard that she’s trying to get the rest of the gang to trade in the Mystery Machine for the Subaru Outback,” she also added.

Related: About that really awkward time Heather Matarazzo tried coming out to Ellen…

It didn’t stop there. Ellen then launched into a full roster of cartoon characters, all of whom she claimed are gay.

“First, there’s Peppermint Patty [of Peanuts],” Ellen continued. “Let’s look at the evidence here. She wears Birkenstocks. Her name is Patty. Her best friend calls her Sir, which is short for Sir-iously gay.”

“Another allegedly gay cartoon character is Spongebob Squarepants,” she went on. “Nickelodeon even tweeted out a picture of Spongebob on Coming Out Day, so they seem to support this theory. He spends a lot of time with his friend Patrick. He has a pet snail. I don’t know if that’s gay. It just sounds like it is though. I mean, who has a pet snail?”

“A lot of people think Bugs Bunny is gay,” Ellen said. “But let’s be clear. Dressing in drag does not make you gay. Bugs is just kinky.”

Ellen then went on to confront the long-standing theory that Elsa from Frozen is a lesbian. “I’m not sure why this rumor started in the first place,” Ellen admitted. “I guess as soon as a Disney princess doesn’t spend the entire movie pursuing a man, that makes her gay.”

Amid laughs from the audience, Ellen then began to rapid-fire out.

“Snagglepuss? Gay. Ursula? Gay. He-Man? Gay. Yogi and Boo-Boo? Gay. Flounder? Gay. Four of the seven dwarfs? Gay. Jiminy Cricket? Gay. The candlestick from Beauty and the Beast? French or gay, same thing.”

I mean, we can’t disagree.