WRESTLE-LESS HEART

Muscular Men Aggressively Groping Each Other No Longer Welcome At The Olympics

olympicswrestlingThe International Olympic Committee decided to ruin the 2020 Olympics for everyone by dropping wrestling — one of the oldest and certainly the most homoerotic sports [see gallery below] — from the 2020 Games.

A proud tradition of those queens, the Ancient Greeks, wrestling has been part of the Olympic Games since 708 B.C. and since its modern inception in 1896.

The New York Times reports:

Both freestyle and Greco-Roman wrestling will be contested at the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, but they will be excluded from the 2020 Summer Games, for which a host city has not yet been named, the I.O.C. said Tuesday.

The decision to drop wrestling was made by secret ballot by the Olympic committee’s 15-member executive board at its headquarters in Lausanne, Switzerland. The exact vote and the reasons for the decision were not given in detail.

The reason can be easily summed up in one word: ratings. Apparently, wrestling isn’t visually appealing or “telegenic” enough and the IOC is attempting to “remain relevant to younger viewers.”

Well in that case, just throw Justin Bieber onto the mat and watch him try to dance his way out of a headlock.

Meanwhile, it was only a matter of time before someone blamed the gays for this and unsurprisingly that someone was from the bastion of acceptance and equality — Russia.

“If they expel wrestling now, that means that gays will soon run the whole world,” said wrestling coach and overzealous he-man Vladimir Urimagov. “It is necessary for millions around the world who understand that this is a man’s sport and who understand the need to continue the human race to go out and explain their position to the Olympic Committee.”

Last time we checked, the human race had like 7 billion people so the exclusion of some sweaty dudes wrapping their legs around each other every four years probably won’t put an end to that anytime soon. If anything, it might have the opposite effect.

And if the gays were to run the world, wrestling would not only be in the Olympics, we would take it back to its Ancient Greek roots when wrestlers competed in the nude. Because, if anything, we gays love naked men tradition.