Pete Buttigieg headlined a brunch for the LGBTQ Victory Fund in Washington D.C. on Sunday where he talked about meeting his husband, Chasten, on a dating app.
In his inspiring and relatable 20-minute speech, Buttigieg said he first spotted Chasten while scrolling through profiles online, but joked it was “possibly not the app you’re thinking of.”
Funny, right?
Well, Jacob Bacharach over at The Outline certainly didn’t think so! In a rambling new op-ed titled Why Pete Buttigieg Is Bad For The Gays, he writes:
The joke is a good one for a largely gay crowd. It says that Mayor Pete knows about Grindr, just like you. He’s no prude! But it also lets him implicitly disapprove of the more explicitly sexual nature of Grindr. And there’s a constituency there. Among that certain kind of gay, saying “I’m not on Grindr” is the cultural equivalent of the equally snooty, “I don’t watch TV.”
Or maybe Mayor Pete really isn’t on Grindr. Plenty of gay guys aren’t.
Bacharach goes on to accuse Buttigieg of selling himself to Americans as “a type of unthreatening, socially acceptable, vaguely conservative gay identity.”
“He wants to define himself as a very specific kind of family man,” Bacharach opines. “A veteran, a Christian, and a fierce, married monogamist, in stark moral opposition to the gross, philandering current occupant of the White House. This is probably good politics. I’m not so sure it’s good for the gays.”
Bacharach then gives a laundry list of reasons, some more coherent than others, as to why he feels this way. What it ultimately boils down to is this: He believe Buttigieg’s squeaky clean image turns gay people “into just another boring, bourgeois constituency of the vacuous center of American politics.”
And this, to Bacharach, is bad. Very, very bad. Because god forbid LGBTQ people ever be viewed as anything other than magical rainbow unicorns.
Naturally, Twitter has had a lot to say about Bacharach’s op-ed…
Pete Buttigieg won’t publically confess to having had Grindr orgies. Therefore he’s bad for gays.
Or something like that.https://t.co/lEjzII5Fyu
— Yeyo (@RealYeyoZa) April 9, 2019
Going to ask the harasser who called me a faggot on the street the other week whether or not he thinks Pete Buttigieg is bad for the gays!
— Alex (@hellohubbard) April 8, 2019
It’s really important for the electorate that Pete Buttigieg gives a detailed account of every grindr hook-up he has had.
— Yeyo (@RealYeyoZa) April 9, 2019
I don’t understand this article. @PeteButtigieg is bad for gay people, because he made a joke about Grindr? Heteronormativity and monogamy is kind of boring, sure, but it’s stupid to say that makes him less gay or hinders the advancement of LGBT people. https://t.co/K7FgzO55YA
— Alex Reimer (@AlexReimer1) April 9, 2019
We are fundamentally in two different Americas: the one where Pete Buttigieg isn’t gay enough because he didn’t meet his husband on Grindr, and the one where in 29 states you can still be fired for being gay.
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) April 9, 2019
Caitlyn Jenner is bad for LGBT Americans.
Pete #Buttigieg is not. And a major publication calling him “bad for the gays,” is wildly inappropriate.There is no “correct” way to be queer in the public eye.
— Brianna Wu (@BriannaWu) April 9, 2019
Seeing lots of people dragging that “Why Pete Buttigieg is bad for gays” article, so why not throw my opinion into the mix.
My qualm about Pete Buttigieg is that as a gay person of color he’s a reminder that you have to be white first. Of course white gays feel represented.
— José Alonso Muñoz (@munozjose) April 9, 2019
Critique Pete Buttigieg’s politics all you want, but calling him “bad for the gays” in a headline is the most click-thirsty, irresponsible bullshit possible.
— ella dawson (@brosandprose) April 9, 2019
Gay Bernie supporter who is remarkably similar to Pete Buttigieg in almost every way just happens to think Buttigieg is “bad for gays” https://t.co/QeARvwkE5C
— Adam (@adamjayarr) April 8, 2019
What’s “bad for the gays” is letting your narcissism and hunger for hollow drama get in the way of making a good point. But it is also the cornerstone of our culture, something Pete Buttigieg would know NOTHING about…
— George Civeris (@georgeciveris) April 9, 2019
Last month, Christina Cauterucci at Slate faced similar backlash when she published an op-ed titled Is Pete Buttigieg Just Another White Male Candidate, or Does His Gayness Count as Diversity?
In it, she questioned whether the 2020 hopeful, who spent the first several years his military career serving under DADT, had ever actually “faced setbacks or barriers to success because he’s gay.”
“A gay man who conforms to a critical mass of gendered expectations can move through life without his sexuality attending every interaction, even after he comes out,” Cauterucci wrote. “Buttigieg, for instance, would register on only the most finely tuned gaydar.”
It sounds like Bacharach and Cauterucci should get together. They’d probably have lots to talk about.
Related: Writer questions if Pete Buttigieg is “gay enough” to be the first gay president. Cue the outrage.
Billy Budd
The article is such an enormous amount of bull.
NeilIN72
I agree 100%!
YouNeverKnow
It seems that these days the more promiscuous gays are, the more porn you watch, the more outrageously you behave, the more rebellious (for rebellious’ sake) you are, the more highly valued you become. Very few gays talk about time tested virtues such as integrity, discipline, perseverance, decency, and living a principled life. If, however, you are a drag queen, or into leather or hard drugs, or living like a Grindr slut, you will win the next election. Yeah, right!
sfmike64
I think this is a stupid article but your position is just as ridiculous, judgey and annoying.
The entire point is that people should be free to be who they are without having to conform to others’ preconceived notions, including your stupid words about drag queens. Any drag queen in America is tougher than you and I put together. With leftover sass and spike heels.
Curtispsf
YouNeverKnow when to shut up. Drag Queens got more going for them in their little pinky fingers than you do in your entire depleted soul.
Hdtex
Please pull the stick out. It’s jammed so far its caused you brain damage.
dennynova
This is absolutely the most ridiculous thing I have read on here in ages. Let’s find fault with everything and everybody.
xanadude
He already said eons ago that they met on Hinge, an actual DATING app. Not Grindr.
Jackrabbit
Get over it! This back biting in the community has to stop.
queerbec
What we really need to do is create a running list of all those anti-Trumpers who take the time to demean and criticize various Democratic challengers so we can know who to blame when Trump triumphs again. We will eat, devour, spit out and destroy our own, while the Right unites around Trump again, their consciences be damned! Who did Biden touch today? Who is still rotting in prison because of Harris? Why does a six foot man have to climb on tables to call attention to himself? How many misogynists did Bernie hire this time? etc. etc. etc.
Jon in Canada
Exactly and it’s why the left/progressive/liberal part of America will always fail.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
“And that’s the thing I wish the Mike Pence’s of the world could understand, that if you have a problem with who I am, your problem is not with me. Your quarrel, sir, is with my creator.”
Mayor Pete’s epic shut down to the “religious” noxious, smcubag nutbags…..
Jacob Bacarach: EAT POOP
ceemego
Drivel! Absolute drivel!
lather
hmmm…seems like just this week Obama warned us about a “circular firing squad”.
AZ71
Articles like these is what keeps democrats out of office. They devour their own giving a red carpet welcome to Trump’s next term.
YouNeverKnow
The main reason liberals like to attack their own is, contrary to the common belief that liberals are more tolerant, that they are actually far less tolerant of people whose ideology and opinions differ from theirs. If you are a married gay in a committed relationship who disapproves of promiscuity, you are not liberal or gay enough. If you disagree on free college tuition or free health care or expanding the public welfare system, you are not liberal and you are probably an enemy. If you are against the death penalty, how dare you! The list goes on. In other words, if you can’t pass their liberal purity test, you are a troll and a Trump supporter.
Heywood Jablowme
I’m sure you’re a troll and Trump supporter for completely different reasons than that, lol.
But the same dynamic you describe works the other way as well.
No matter how hard you try to impress straight conservatives with all your liberal-hating and religiousness, they’re still going to consider you a f*gg*t. They’re NOT going to be impressed.
chip_in_ga
I do Grindr, cam sex on Skype etc. etc. I’m not particularly proud of it, but, I am not really ashamed of it either…I am a product of that culture.
I have some friends that are more like Pete, I admire them. and they make me want to be a better person.
He won’t change my mind on being an Atheist, but, he is not trying to. He respects my rights to have my beliefs and to live my personal life the way I choose to, the way it should be; just as I respect his, I think that is probably the most important thing Mayor Pete brings to the table a return to mutual respect.
Bubbleandsqueal
Obviously, then Mayor Pete needs to go FULL Gay and show up on the stump in a leather harness, a rainbow mankini, and a feather boa. Then he’ll be “good for the gays.”
Goforit
Oh no! I fear that I have failed yet another gay purity test. What in the hell is a “rainbow mankini”?
Itsonlythetruth
OMG Yeyo get a effing life.
Jon in Canada
First rule when dealing with queer theorist types: DON’T
They’re a useless fringe of queerdom, so intent on purity that they feel that they and they alone are the arbiters of what is and isn’t a “good gay.” If this bovine feces sounds familiar, it should. It wasn’t so long ago, and to a degree still today, that blacks would declare someone of lighter colour to be ‘not really black’, ‘not black enough’ or ‘fake black’; yes, that’s a thing and it’s just as twisted and moronic as anything queer theorist like Jacob “ball gag me” Bacharach have to say.
Don’t deal with them, look, point and laugh at them. It’s all the attention they deserve.
Aires the Ram
Exactly Jon in Canada, couldn’t’ve said it better myself.
Mack
The guy sounds like a “Bernie gay tot” to me. I’ve never been on Grinder or any other dating app and I meet the guys all the time. ‘Tis that season where all the “Bernie tots” comes out of the woodwork and trash all the Democratic candidates except Bernie-who’s not a Democrat.
DCguy
The writer “Bacharach” can’t have it both ways. You can’t complain that somebody is presenting themselves as too squeaky clean AND then complain that he made an inappropriate Grindr joke.
Sounds like the writer is one of Bernies folks trying to attack all the Democrats running.
Brian
I don’t understand why so many people think gay people should be held to a different standard in politics. With few exceptions, if you want to get elected, you have to play the game. Do they want gay purity or do they want a gay president? Because the first one is going to have to be a pretty straight version of gay. America isn’t ready for a Bianca Del Rio/Andy Cohen ticket.
Plus, isn’t it pretty f*ing remarkable that we’ve reached a point where a potential presidential candidate can even make a joke about being on Grindr?
designdude
I have no words for someone that’s marginalizes LGBT persons as time worn stereotypes. But I do have one phrase for someone that marginalizes Pete Buttegieg’s gay life experience an/or his candidacy: F—k-you!
+ get a life.
How dare you place your requirements for representation above a country; let alone the gay community.
Morrisson
Maybe he doesn’t want to be defined as “A veteran, a Christian, and a fierce, married monogamist” maybe that’s just what he is. It seems the tendency of identity politics within the gay community is starting to lead to cannibalism within the community.
mz.sam
Now that Mayor Pete is catching on with national media and skyrocketing in the polls there has been many tolls and critics crawling out in the blogosphere. Its also a sign that Bernie fans freaking out with the South Bend, Ind. phenom.
Hdtex
Pete fans are no different than BernieBots. Just as zealous, just as delusional.
DCguy
The guy is out of the closet and married to a man in Mike Pence’s home state. How gay does he have to be?
Heywood Jablowme
Obviously this is similar to Obama, he wasn’t “black enough” and he didn’t say “axe” instead of “ask” – that’s why Obama didn’t get elected president… oh wait…
SoggyDuck
This candidate impressed me with his candor and well thought out positions. I have never contributed to a campaign before even though I’ve been voting since JFK was running; but I contributed to Mayor Pete’s fund and will be attending his April 14th announcement in South Bend. It matters little or not at all that he’s gay, what matters to me is that his position aligns quite well with mine. I believe he would be a great leader and belongs in the White House.
djmcgamester
Okay, so we all know what Grindr and similar sites are about. Yet, I find plenty of people looking for other things. Met two guys on Growlr for dates – not for sex. Went out for coffee. Also met people who were looking strictly for hookups or fwb. Who cares where these guys met? It led to a marriage!
johnnymcmxxx
Grindr is worse for Gay men than Buttigieg could ever be. Get off your bullsh*t soapbox Bacharach.
Hussain-TheCanadian
Vote Bernie People, this guy is a pup
Daggerman
..no–the writer is wrong because Grindr is and can be seriously bad for gaymen. You can get murdered by a psycho or for example you get straight guys playing jokes on gay guys so go take your head out your arse. Gay people are NOT shallow like this writer implies we are…
Herman75
Ignorant people that Mayor Pete isn’t the right kind of queen. Sit down you jaded, bitter sisters.
radiooutmike
I find it unusual that most of the people asking if PG is gay enough aren’t gay.
As long as none of us are shaming him or each other for what kind of gays we all are, what is the harm? He’s a vet, he’s educated and he speaks thoughtfully. That is not just a “good” gay but a good candidate.
To me, it is super-refreshing to see someone, perhaps by only by virtue of their age, having no baggage.