FREE MOVIES

You Stole A Lot Of Movies From The Internet This Week. Here’s What’s Gay About Them.

The Hollywood Reporter just ran a list of the top 10 pirated films of the week–the most popular titles you’re illegally downloading and watching on your laptops–and nearly half of them involve some kind of gayness.

Not that that’s a prerequisite for internet piracy. If it were you would have found a way to get your hands on a free download of Fast Five.

SPOILERS AHEAD…

1. X-Men: First Class – In case you weren’t already well aware, this installment arrives fully metaphor-equipped with its own “don’t ask/don’t tell” reference and off-camera speculation about its characters and their needs.

2. Unknown

3. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

4. Hall Pass

5. Just Go With It – The proud moment in when closeted-and-married-to-Nicole-Kidman Dave Matthews picks up a coconut with his clenchy buttcheeks [see above clip].

6. The Hangover Part II – Trans porn star Yasmin Lee is featured as a stripper who has her way with Ed Helms. And he likes it. Opinions about how good this is for transpeople vary wildly.

7. The Adjustment Bureau

8. Priest – Nope, not this cruddy vampire-killing man-of-God movie, which is kind of weird. Most vampire and/or priest movies usually arrive bearing at least a bit of tangential homosexuality.

9. Paul – Nick Frost and Simon Pegg play best friends transporting an alien back to his mothership and Frost spends the whole film moping about Pegg falling for Kristen Wiig. Frost’s possible gay crush is mentioned but never resolved. Weird.

10. I Am Number Four – Somebody from Glee is in it.