measuring up

You’ll Find the Biggest Dicks in the Nation’s Capital. Really

penis-size1

Craigslist taught us Houston was full of bottoms. Then Manhunt taught us most American states declare themselves tops. But one crucial piece of information is missing from this data that should tell you where to move: penis size.

Luckily, in an effort to further cement its reputation as the website to cruise for anonymous sex, Manhunt began letting members post how they measure up. Why it took them this long, we’ll never know.

So taking its members’ inch-by-inch reports in aggregate, Manhunt can now identify where the well-endowed are hiding, and where the short stacks hang out.

And because everyone tells the truth about their dick size on the Internet, this data is completely reliable! And it reveals: Washington D.C. has, on average, the hungest guys, followed by New York and California. At the bottom of the list? Delaware, Wyoming, and dead last, Alaska. (Wikipedia says [link NSFW] average penis size is 5.1–5.9 in.)

The full list is below, but let’s look how things measure up when you split the data up into … states with same-sex marriage.

Massachusetts, 7.27
Maine, 6.98
Vermont, 7.16
New Hampshire, 7.08
Iowa, 6.96
Connecticut, 7.20

Now all we need to know? Girth … arguably a much more important data point.

So quick, start figuring out where your celebrity crushes are from, and start fantasizing about what their packing. To get you started, we’ll remind you Neil Patrick Harris is from New Mexico and now lives in California.


1. District of Columbia – 7.59
2. New York – 7.50
3. California – 7.45
4. Florida – 7.44
5. Kentucky – 7.42
6. Georgia – 7.41
7. North Carolina – 7.39
8. Pennsylvania – 7.39
9. Rhode Island – 7.38
10. Minnesota – 7.34
11. West Virginia – 7.32
12. Illinois – 7.31
13. Arizona – 7.31
14. South Dakota – 7.31
15. Texas – 7.30
16. Ohio – 7.30
17. Missouri – 7.30
18. Nevada – 7.29
19. Kansas – 7.29
20. Mississippi – 7.28
21. Oregon – 7.27
22. Tennessee – 7.27
23. Massachusetts – 7.27
24. Maryland – 7.27
25. Hawaii – 7.24
26. South Carolina – 7.24
27. Colorado – 7.23
28. Louisiana – 7.22
29. North Dakota – 7.22
30. Michigan – 7.20
31. Connecticut – 7.20
32. Wisconsin – 7.19
33. Idaho – 7.19
34. Vermont – 7.16
35. Nebraska – 7.15
36. Washington – 7.15
37. Utah – 7.14
38. Virginia – 7.12
39. Montana – 7.10
40. New Jersey – 7.10
41. New Hampshire – 7.08
42. Indiana – 7.08
43. New Mexico – 7.06
44. Alabama – 7.05
45. Maine – 6.98
46. Iowa – 6.96
47. Oklahoma – 6.96
48. Arkansas – 6.96
49. Delaware – 6.94
50. Wyoming – 6.92
51. Alaska – 6.34