A new Reddit thread raises an interesting question: How do you avoid hooking up with the same guys as your gay uncle when you both live in the same small town with the same small dating pool?
“I have an uncle who is gay and older than me,” the post begins. “I’m 21, he’s 41 and we live in a small city.”
The young man continues: “I’m not close to him as much and he doesn’t tell anyone he’s gay. But the thing is: all the older guys I try to hang out with are friends of him. Some can also be f*ck buddies of him. I don’t know.”
Which leads us to his dilemma.
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“I’m always scared that I might can be going out with some of his f*ck buddies, and I don’t want that,” he writes. “I’m scared that if I go out with someone he already goes out with, even without me knowing it, he would be mad and tell everything about my sexuality to my family.”
He wonders: “How could I handle this situation?”
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Thankfully, his fellow Redditers have lots of opinions on the matter.
“Come out to him, ask him which friends of his are good f*cks and which guys to avoid,” one person writes.
“Does your uncle know you are gay?” another person asks. “If he doesn’t, it’s a small town and it might get found out. Is there some reason you cannot tell him and then talk to him about this kind of stuff so this situation doesn’t ever arise?”
“Explain you are gay and he will lay down exactly who he thinks might be sketchy or dangerous,” someone else suggests. “It can’t hurt having someone who loves you and knows gay life nearby to know and to talk to.”
Other people had less helpful things to say.
“Man I would be weirded out if I was maybe getting my uncle’s sloppy seconds,” one guy comments.
“You probably are going out with a former or current f*ck buddy of his,” another pontificates. “Small town, smaller number of gay guys. Everyone f*cks everyone’s exes.”
To which someone else replies: “DAMN can ALL y’all chill? It’s possible for gay guys NOT to sleep with every gay in a 30 mile radius. It’s likely he may have done things with a few guys but not every single guy. Gays can be platonic friends, you know. God!”
Related: This gay man can’t stop crushing on his sexy lumberjack uncle
Heywood Jablowme
“I’m scared that [uncle] would be mad and tell everything about my sexuality to my family.”
I don’t get why he would be “mad” in the first place. And what does “tell everything about my sexuality” mean, exactly? If he’s not out to his family, just tell them. It seems unlikely they’d be shocked if they already know the uncle is gay.
Like in the John Mellencamp song:
I was born in a small town
And I f*cked in a small town
And I f*cked all my uncle’s tricks in a small town….
Of course,. keep in mind that if you actually f*ck your own uncle, you have to become a Trump supporter! And start doing heroin, if you’re not already doing it.
BriBri
Pro Tip: Stop being a whore.
Jack Meoff
Do the myriad typos in this article belong to the author Gremore or is he just quoting the Reddit user directly bad grammar and all?
Danny595
Another promiscuity success story!
Kangol
Sex-negative, it’s no way to be gay!
Heywood Jablowme
@Kangol: Danny595 is 22 (he says) and apparently he simply grabbed the first guy he ever had sex with, for the SOLE purpose of avoiding STDs. Nothing else matters, emotional compatibility be damned, even sexual compatibility be damned. Just be monogamous, at 22 (!) yet, so you can feel superior to all those sluts out there.
Danny595 never, ever says anything good about his relationship, or how they met or anything, in fact he never says anything whatsoever about his relationship. He never even says anything about what his bf is like (assuming he’s real).
His attitude is beyond “sex-negative” and not even heteronormative: how many straight people are monogamous at age 22 nowadays? Hardly any unless they’re in a religious cult.
Danny595
Kangol – No, not sex negative. Grindr is sex negative because it completely devalues sex. I heard someone who was into hooking up refer to it as the “gay handshake.” In other words, they took one of the best things in life and turned it into a forgettable gesture. That’s sex negative.
Heywood Jablowme – My bf is hot and awesome. But why would I want to share details with a bunch of middle age promiscuous creeps with names like “Heywood Jablowme”? You get fap material but what do I get out of that deal? Nada. As for monogamy, my own experience is in line with multiple studies showing that my generation is actually the most monogamous. About 2/3 of my friends are monogamous. That’s about the same as my straight friends. These are guys in their late teens, 20s and a couple in early 30s. The other 1/3 aren’t super-promiscuous, but includes people who just hook up occasionally and those who say they hook up now but eventually want to settle down. Only 1 or 2 are hardcore promiscuous losers like you. They won’t hook up with you though coz they aren’t into fossils.
Heywood Jablowme
@Danny595: Thanks for divulging that much, for once. (If he’s real!) So how did you guys meet? Church picnic? 🙂
(Not exactly “fap material” for anyone, probably.)
You used to go on & on hysterically about how Queerty was supposedly “promoting lifelong promiscuity.” It’s nice that you’ve given that up. My attitude here has always been that MOST gay men tend to slow down & settle down in their late 30s. That’s it. No monomaniacal agenda like you.
If you’re so sure your generation is so virtuous and monogamous, why are you so hysterically obsessed with pushing monogamy here, as if it’s a radical new concept that nobody ever heard of before? I’m pretty sure everyone has heard of it.
I’m sure all the straight people you know are very impressed with you for being so monogamous. No doubt you talk about it incessantly IRL like you do here. Probably some of them still call you a f@ggot, though.
Assuming this Reddit guy is real (always debatable of course), how would you suggest someone who’s stuck in a small town meet someone compatible?
Brian
I can’t count the number of monogamous couples I’ve met over the years, where one or both have groped me or tried to kiss me within hours of meeting them. I wish I could say that it was because I was so irresistibly hot, but even at my peak, I was far from it.
One thing I can say with certainty is that 2/3 of your friends are not monogamous. Especially if they’re in their teens or early 20s. They may tell you that, since you sound like an uptight, prudish asshole, but trust me, they ain’t.
And you might want to tone down the “fossils” type remarks. You’ll be amazed how fast the years between 21 and 40 go.
Heywood Jablowme
@Brian: heh heh heh heh heh
Yeah, my main problem with “monogamous” couples was when one of them got involved with me (I was always totally unaware of this, I’d never have done it if I’d known, just as I avoid “straight” married guys), and then the “monogamous” one found out – apparently from the other one who wanted to create “drama” or something – and then the “monogamous” one physically attacked ME! When I didn’t know anything. They didn’t physically attack the so-called boyfriend, they physically attacked ME. (I hope they physically attacked the bf LATER! Maybe not.)
That’s what “monogamy” means to me.
@Danny595: If your slutty young friends have over 30K in student loans, send them to this in-shape, non-smoker, non-bear, still somewhat handsome (so I’m told) “daddy” “fossil.” LOL. Everyone in your wonderful generation seems to be f*cked up with “daddy” issues and they all want to get f*cked by “daddy.” (When I was that age, that would have been really we-e-e-eird. I can’t imagine liking that when I was 25, eww gross. But now it’s standard.) Oh well, I don’t create the rules or the *zeitgeist,* I just play along.
Kangol
Why not just ask the older guys, have you hooked up with my uncle? If so, don’t sleep with them and go for the others.
Heywood Jablowme
Too simple!
greybat
Knowing the way Small Towns work, the solution is quite simple; ask any of your neighbors if your Uncle has slept with the man you’re interested in.
Chances are, they will know all about it!