More and more men are opening up about sexual assault and sharing their #metoo experiences.
Evan Newpher was a student at Oklahoma State University in 2012. One evening, he awoke to find his roommate, Nathan Cochran, forcing himself upon him.
“I laid there until it finally stopped,” he recalls to his local TV news station in Tulsa. “It’s almost like that fight or flight instinct.”
“I know I always have a lot of fight in me, but it’s in those moments of just sheer terror and you don’t know what’s happening that you just go stiff as a board and you don’t know what to do.”
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Newpher is gay but he wasn’t out at the time. He didn’t report the assault until almost a year later.
Related: Why do people have so much trouble believing male victims of sexual assault?
“Nobody knew that I was gay, and that made me hide and be more shameful about what happened as well,” he says. “But it doesn’t matter if you are straight or if you are gay and this happens to you, it’s still a problem.”
Sadly, Newpher’s story is not terribly uncommon. Research shows that 1 in 6 men have experienced sexual abuse at some point in their life. It’s also prominent in the LGBTQ community, specifically.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, LGBTQ people experience sexual violence at similar or higher rates than heterosexuals.
Newpher may never had said anything except that he heard Cochran had done the same thing to several other guys on campus.
“To come forward isn’t to be a tattle tale or a narc,” he says. “It’s to make sure that it doesn’t happen to someone else because I wasn’t able to ensure that.”
Eventually, Cochran was arrested and pled guilty to three counts of sexual battery. He avoid jail but was sentenced to seven years of probation and has to register as a sex offender.
Newpher hopes that by sharing his story he will inspire other male victims of sexual assault to speak out.
“You can fight through this as long as you surround yourself with people and don’t hide yourself away,” he says, “because you can push through it.”
Related: #MeToo and me: Is there such a thing as a gray area when it comes to sexual assault?
Juanjo
Sad that this young man had to go through this
Kangol
It’s awful that anyone has to suffer sexual assault, but it’s also so important that he and others are speaking out to warn others and call attention to this problem.
happiness17
A few days ago when Heather Locklear was arrested for assaulting her boyfriend that’s more proof that it’s not only women who are victims of sexual assault. Everyday men are assaulted by women and men. A lot of men don’t report it to the police. Part of the reason is because they feel
like they’re less of a man. Some of it’s about their ego. Man or woman no
one has the right to put their hands on you. If they do the perpetrator should be prosecuted.
ChrisK
Yeah, because laying there frozen is a perfect response to getting raped. Please just don’t cum in me. Lol
Are there no real men to feature?
drmiller
You’re a real piece of shit, you know that? What a complete and utter lack of empathy. “Are there no real men to feature?” The guy featured in this article is more of a man than you’ll ever be.
ChrisK
@Drfeelgood. I have plenty of empathy. I’d be over joyed to hear a story where the gay guy punches his attacker in the face. However, it’s story after story about gay men being the constant victim.
I would defend myself so yes that would make me more of a man then this guy or you any day.
drmiller
@Drfeelnothing Spoken like someone who has never been sexually assaulted, which brings us full circle to my original point: lack of empathy. Defending yourself (or punching someone in the face) doesn’t make you a man anymore than trolling a sexual assault victim online does. You’ve completely missed the point of this story and the entire Me Too movement. If you need me to explain it to you at this stage in the game, then I’m afraid hoping you’d ever understand it would be optimistic to the point of foolishness. Best stick to what you’re good at: strong like ox, smart like tractor.
Juanjo
What a great display of “blaming the victim” you have there, Chris. Pretty classy. You want all your gay men to be studly men who react to any and all insults. sights, and physical assaults with a rapid, violent physical assault of their own on the aggressor.
If you look up the name of his aggressor, you will find a number of news articles about the case, as well as, some additional issues which arose while the guy was on probation. In none of the cases, according to the news accounts, did any of the several victims jump up and get into a physical altercation with him. Real life does not often comport with anyone’s fantasies. “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,. Than are dreamt of in your philosophy” – Hamlet, Act 1, scene 5.
jpcolter
You are a piece of crap just like drmiller said.
Donston
ChrisK, oftentimes I get your cynicism and skepticism. But this persistent “it’s only sexual assualt or a tramatic sexual experience if you get knocked out, dragged and/or drugged” sh*t is not a good look. And the fact that you keep pushing it makes you look kinda suspect.
Greg
I thought the same thing. I was like what? He just laid there stiff as a board? When you wake up and find someone trying to force themselves on you. You fight. You kick and hit and say “What the fuck?” You don’t just lay there. Geezus Kryst.
Cylest Brooks
Science disagrees. Many many many survivors of sexual assault describe a sensation of being “frozen” or unable to move during their assault, and that number increases among those who regain consciousness in the middle of their assault.
On the outside looking in, it seems so easy… just push him! Kick him! Bite him! Something! But reality is different, and brains don’t always work that way. It doesn’t make him any more responsible for his assault.
Tobi
I think the lady doth protest too much, you’re not a sheriff’s deputy by any chance?!
Vince
You queens are a riot. Lol
happiness17
Try and put yourself in his shoes. Other people would’ve fought this pervert off. This guy did what he thought was best to save his life.
Greg
I thought the same thing. I was like what? He just laid there stiff as a board? When you wake up and find someone trying to force themselves on you. You fight. You kick and hit and say “What the heck?” You don’t just lay there. Geezus Kryst.
Greg
@happiness17. His life wasn’t being threatened. Just his virtue.
Sam6969
Yesterday’s victim can be tomorrow’s empowered gay. The proof is in this article and Nathan Cochran is helping to change people’s mentality about gender stereotypes and help people grow in awareness about men being also sexually assaulted. Rather than using a derogatory dichotomy judging the manhood of someone, I would use words suggesting the level of awareness, self and others knowledge, ability to assess a situation, etc. that all come from experience, information and preparation. I think it fits better to reality.
It is true also that those public reports challenge us in many ways: how our ideal male ego applies in real situations, both in the heat of the moment and how we report it afterwards (to the police, if we are psychologically prepared for that…or much later); but also for many gay people, our common sexual fantasies, as it is certainly more difficult for us to pick up guys in usual daily life/situations (i.e. not in the app virtual world) than for straight boys to pick up girls in the same settings (our societies still have “some” work to do). So, it became part of our sexual fantasies set, but fantasy is not reality…
Sam6969
In case, people did not watch it, this is the TV report (video):
https://www.kjrh.com/news/local-news/survivor-shares-his-story-to-shed-light-on-the-fact-that-men-can-be-victims-of-sexual-violence-too
Vince
Ha. The rapist is a fatty. Just throw the pig a sandwich or something and should be enough to escape.
Notright
“I laid there until it stopped.” Yeah dude I’m not buying it. What a freakin pussy. If you don’t like what he’s doing you tell him to get the fuck off you! If he doesn’t you at least try to fight back. Seriously this generation of beta males where we’re expected to be weak is ridiculous. Welcome to the leftest America. https://rainbowright.com
Cylest Brooks
Just a heads up, Queerty changed it’s comment policy on 3/14/2018. This comment would be deleted under the new comment policy, so make sure you give it a read. We value your opinion, and encourage you to continue commenting according to our new policies!
https://www.queerty.com/queertys-comment-policy
Paco
So far it seems to only be the sassy guys that are going public with #MeToo moments.
Vince
Hmm..I wonder why that is? Not that it makes it right but I would consider all of them very effeminate.
happiness17
The fact that he raped several men it makes me wonder why he didn’t get any jail time. He pretty much got a slap on the wrist. God only knows how many other men he raped. I hope that Evan Newpher was tested for HIV and other STDs.
Kevan1
PACO AND GREG Be careful with your words and pray you do not find out what it is like to be raped.
Everyone acts different. You do not know how you might react.
I am 6’3″ 240lb. I escaped a a 6’7″ with more muscle weight and strength. When you are held down and cannot move and you tighten that butt
up and you are forcefully penetrated, your anus bleeding and the wind knocked out of you. then come back and give us your opinion. Until such time wake up and grow up. You are not so powerful that someone could teach you a lesson you never wanted to learn. LEARN SOME HUMANITY.
Kevan1
Guys, ignore ChrisK. He either a gay basher, needs attention or has the total inability to feel sympathy
or empathy. Ignore it and it will go away or it grow up if possible.