It’s been a little over 24 hours since Barry Manilow shocked the world by announcing he is a homosexual, prompting a wide range of responses.
From feeling stunned:
Totally stunned about the Barry Manilow news. Next thing someone's going to tell me is that Motley Crue did drugs.
— Jimmy's Fake News (@jneutron1969) April 5, 2017
To confused:
All this time I thought Barry Manilow was a lesbian.
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) April 5, 2017
To prideful:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Barry Manilow coming out as gay has given me the strength and courage to come out as an African-American.
— King Natles (@natnatles) April 5, 2017
Now, in a new think piece for the Boston Globe, Patrick Garvin has some choice words for those of you cracking jokes at Barry’s expense.
Garvin writes:
This is how the cycle works: A person who might be assumed to be LGBTQ is considered in the closet until announcing it. Now that Manilow is out as gay, people feel comfortable saying whether they were surprised or not, as if his personal life is a plot that they can comment on like an M. Night Shyamalan movie. It’s all fair game to the masses, who will feel OK judging when he should have come out or whether he should have been in the closet in the first place.
Garvin says this isn’t the first time this sort of things has happened either, pointing to Neil Patrick Harris coming out in 2006, Sean Patrick Hayes in 2010, and Anderson Cooper in 2012 as other examples.
“The snarky social media posts not only highlight our insatiable need to comment on the lives of the rich and famous,” he continues, “but the dichotomy of experiences between people who are straight and cisgender and people who are not.”
Straight and cis is considered the default. There’s no coming out as straight or cisgender. In our society, it’s LGBTQ people who must bear the burden of disclosing their truths. And with that disclosure come the comments, whether you’re famous or not.
The whole thing, he says, can be “draining.”
Related: Twitter response to Barry Manilow coming out is both hilarious and touching
Garvin isn’t the only one who finds the response to Manilow’s coming out upsetting. Plenty of folks on Twitter felt the need to scold people as well:
If you're making fun of Barry Manilow for coming out at age 73, maybe you're the reason people wait so long.
— Tim Federle (@TimFederle) April 6, 2017
If so many of you assholes knew Barry Manilow was gay y'all should've spent your time making a safer environment for him &other closeted ppl
— angelica renée ? (@ReinaDeLaIsla) April 6, 2017
Barry Manilow has been in a 39yr relationship w/ a man he loves & they felt they had to hide it. This should piss you off. #LoveIsLove
— Michael Peckerar (@michaelpeckerar) April 5, 2017
Well done on Barry Manilow on having the courage to come out. Those joking they knew, this isn't about you. It takes courage to come out.
— James Prescott (@JamesPrescott77) April 5, 2017
Lot of people seem really proud of themselves for announcing they "already knew" Barry Manilow was gay. Yeah……ur the true heroes today guys.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) April 5, 2017
Garvin concludes by writing:
I know that whenever I am talking with a friend or a new acquaintance about these topics, the questions never come from a place of judgment. But it’s this type of scrutiny — and the idea that others feel entitled to make these comments about our orientation — that gives many queer people anxiety about how to come out in the first place.
What do you think? Are all the jokes and wisecracks about Barry Manilow coming out helpful or hurtful? Share your thoughts in the comments below…
whatsaywhat
Oh for f*ck sake.
Stop humor-shaming us Patrick Garvin.
Charlie in Charge
Well maybe if you stop acting like a prat he won’t have to.
kurt_t
Shallow, buzzword-laden rhetoric such as we see in the excerpts from the blog post make me understand why a lot of young progressives I run into want to distance themselves from the so-called “SJW” crowd. This kind of identity politics is something that I think the progressive movement in this country doesn’t have time for. It’s a pointless distraction.
DarkZephyr
Yes, never ever share your opinion on snarky asshole comments or you are a “SJW”.
Donston
It’s a thin line. Like I said, everyone loves to make fun of everything, especially on Twitter, and calling them out is okay. But there definitely are more than a handful of people who constantly look to find offenses. The “part of the problem” claim had too much gravity for such silliness.
Kangol
Jesus Christ was a social justice warrior, IJS.
whatsaywhat
The left wing’s lunatic fringe is bent on policing people’s thoughts and humor – silencing them from from saying what they actually think. They aren’t fighting against their real enemies, but wasting time, ink, energy and resources firing on their own allies.
“the idea that others feel entitled to [make comments about our orientation] gives many queer people anxiety about how to come out in the first place.”
Of course, they ARE entitled. We live in a society that gives us the right to think and say what we want. I would rather have people make honest comments & have a sense of humor about my orientation than to not make any comments at all (and have my coming out be met with enforced silence). Coming out is something every queer person choses to do or not to do and we can’t control what other people’s reactions will be. Enough with this anti-free-speech nonsense from regressive liberals. It’s a BULLSH*T waste of time.
DCguy
And another right wing post in defense if the closet.
whatsaywhat
Sorry but freedom of speech is a LIBERAL value. Not right wing.
whatsaywhat
And who’s “defending” the closet?? I merely said it’s someone own responsibility if they choose to stay in the closet – i.e they can’t blame other people for that decision.
DMRX
@whatsaywhat: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
You’re defending the closet with that last statement in particular.
You just don’t get it. There shouldn’t even BE a closet that people have to come out of!
Also… OH MY GOD!!! Freedom of speech is NOT a “liberal value!” That’s one of the most ignorant things I’ve ever read. How could you even bring yourself to type that?! Freedom of speech is an innate human right that is thankfully guaranteed to EVERY American by our Constitution.
Donston
It’s true that no matter how old you are or how obvious it is fully embracing who you truly are and being willing to share it is a huge deal on a personal level. Besides, some seemingly overtly gay men don’t have sexual attractions to men at all but rather have genuine and narcissistic variations of gender dis-morphia, so you can never be completely sure.
But yes, most of what I have read was pretty harmful. And people make a joke out of everything. No need to whine.
Donston
*I meant pretty harmless.
DCguy
Actually it’s this blogger who is part of the problem.
Sean Hayes and Anderson Cooper were giving the impression that being gay was shameful or something to hide. Manilow could have come out 40 years ago and didn’t in spite of the fact that it was obvious to everybody.
If all that is happening to Manilow is that some people are accurately commenting on the fact that his closeted status was fairly obvious, then he has far less problems then all of the gay kids kicked out, the lesbian employees fired, or the Trans people never hired during the 40 years he stayed safely in his golden closet.
I have no problem with him at all and congratulations on him finally being comfortable with who he is to come out publicly, but lets not paint him as a victim when all he got were some silly tweets.
Donston
You can add Kevin Spacey to that list. Not only did he spend years denying it, he ran away to another country.
I’d rather someone keep a long-term, committed relationship secret than cop a beard or continue to have sex and relationships primarily with women due to obsession with hetero-normalcy/internalized homophobia/fetish/fear while still randomly and secretly hooking up with men or people who flat-out deny who they are and continue to do so for years. A lot of supposedly open and proud guys had very problematic coming outs and aren’t helping much post outing. Manilow did nothing wrong then or now.
And yes, tweets saying “well, duh” is no big deal when you consider the real hate that’s out there.
DMRX
I agree with your last 2 paragraphs, but I think you’ll have to admit that 40 years ago was a different world than it is now. I doubt he would have had the career he’s had if he’d have come out 40 years ago. It just wasn’t ok. He was talented (and eventually rich and famous), but back then, coming out would likely have ended his career.
I will also agree that the blogger is part of the problem, but if you check out his biographical info, it’s obvious that he’s from a MUCH younger generation than Manilow — a generation that, for the most part, wasn’t raised to hate gay people as Manilow’s generation was. So…I understand (though don’t condone) his generational disconnect.
1EqualityUSA
We were in eighth grade. I convinced my friend that she could get high by holding dehydrated, desiccated seaweed close to her mouth and inhaling the air from its bladderwrack as soon as she pops it. By the seventh one, she realized I was b.s.ing her. We went into the house. She turned on the T.V. only see Barry Manilow singing and gyrating his hips. He was singing a peppy, sassy number called “Miracle” in a tight, long sleeved, tee shirt with a star on his sternum. His face would move close to the camera. My friend stared at the screen slack-jawed and somewhat confused by what she was seeing. I think she blamed the seaweed. Though unspoken, we both knew he was gay. People just didn’t talk about it. Congratulations on being out. Friends don’t let friends huff Fucus vesiculosus.
OzJosh
The issue here is that Manilow chose to enjoy the protection and the privilege that the closet gave to his career, and has chosen to come out now that he’s almost entirely sure it can do his career no damage. Which is a) gutless and b) ridiculous, given that 96% of his fans were always completely aware that he was gay.
Frank
AGREED…everyone knew he loved the company of men in the bedroom, but he was TOO chicken SHIT to step out and embrace it…
Chris
Since time immemorial, ordinary people (aka the hoi polloi) have made fun of the high-and-mighty and wealthy as a way of bringing them back down to earth. Barry Manilow, and all the celebrities before him as listed in this article, are included; their wealth and celebrity status makes their coming out newsworthy (while coming out is not newsworthy for the rest of us) and it has insulated them from the insults and wear-you-down stuff that us working stiffs have to deal as part of our everyday lives. ….. Or as Felicia said in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert: “Oh, for goodness sakes, get down off that crucifix. Someone needs the wood.”
misterhollywood
First, nobody is “making fun” of Barry Manilow. The blogger who is suggesting people are needs to get real. Barry Manilow didn’t just “come out” either as some sites are characterizing it (Queerty isn’t but seen plenty who are) The news broke on this two years ago.
Barry’s own hubby has joked about it on Twitter. Just ridiculous people are suggesting people are anti-Barry in some way. The guy is amazing. Always loved him.
DMRX
What do you mean Queerty isn’t characterizing it as coming out?
I think the headline on this article would disagree with you:
https://www.queerty.com/barry-manilow-comes-20170405
DMRX
Also… “The news broke on this 2 years ago” when someone else outed him. That’s different.
Vera Delmar
We gays do have a sharp cutting sense of humor. No one was making fun of Barry…he’s one of us and we all joke with each other about ourselves. So get over it, Mary!
RedMich89
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My2Cents
I totally understand why Manilow felt he needed to stay in the closet. It is scary and once you’ve gone down the road of hiding, or in his case – avoiding, it becomes even scarier to admit the truth.
But if a little ribbing about the obvious is the only backlash he receives he should be thanking all the people who fought to make it that way. In the past 40 years he has been playing coy safely in his PS home while others around him did more than him to fight for his rights. Including his friends Liza, Bette and Suzanne. I’m sure he had to have watched a few friends die of AIDS and he kept silent.
I don’t blame him for this, for coming out is a personal and frightening journey. I’m quite sure he’ll be glad the truth is out. I wish him all the best. But I don’t feel the need to come to his defense over someone pointing out that his homosexuality was obvious.
Herman75
What’s the use in getting up in the morning if a queen can’t get all snooty about some aging icon.
Michael
In a time when we, as usual, should be showing solidarity, out come the vicious bitches to slap a brother down. Frankly, I don’t know why he bothered (I actually thought it was common knowledge) but THE FACT IS HE DID so bravo.
Grow up. Who gives a crap now why he didn’t? Now he has. Christ some of you should really hear yourselves. Just sickening, and not in a RuPaul way. And you know what? So many make the argument he should’ve come out officially years ago as so many are depressed or suicidal or without support in their own coming out phase. Look at the reception he’s received, particularly evident in some of the comments here. Think about it.
Donston
What I’ve noticed over the years is choosing not to come out by a particular age is usually is often driven by self-interests not fear of homophobia, especially when it comes to people with fame. Whether it be for the sake of image, career, the desire hetero-normalcy/dynamics, egomania, self-hate. It’s very rarely due to legit fear. And eventually it gets to a point of “might as well get this out of the way”. But I do agree that he doesn’t deserved to be shamed.
ErikO
Not only does his music suck, he stayed completely closeted for decades.
hyhybt
There is a difference between making fun of someone for coming out (or feeling the need to come out) and expressing, whether with humor or not, surprise that he wasn’t out long ago.
drsmithnj
I’m not making fun but we all knew. It’s really no great surprise. I just think he’s taking advantage of it now.