It’s been years since male model Swedish Marcus Schenkenberg ruled the runway. But this cultural irrelevance hasn’t stopped The Local’s Paul O'Mahony from devoting this irreverently informative, unnecessarily schizoid “Introducing…” column to 38-year old Schenkenberg.

In addition to proving those essential introductory details – dated Pam Anderson, fucks mad reality hoes and likes PeTA – O’Mahony informs us that Schenkenberg has recorded a Ricky Martin-flavored single:

…The muscular Swede with the Dutch ancestry also released a single. For a man purported to speak five languages – none of them Spanish – the decision to release a song called “La Chica Marita” had more to do with the success of Ricky Martin-inspired Latino pop than his own fondness for some chica called Marita.

This shit’s anything but caliente. In fact, it’s frio. Muy, muy frio. Whomever told Schenkenberg he should sing, dance or even speak must be tracked down and punished. Seriously. This video counts as the top-five worst things in human history. Even worse than racism and genocide. That’s bad.

Check it out, after the jump. Unless you want to maintain your Marcus-related masturbatory fantasies, in which case we don’t advise viewing “La Chica Marita”…