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We were almost going to nominate the justices of the Supreme Court for dragging out the marriage-equality issue so long, but we don’t want to jinx anything. Fortunately, Fox News shill Bill O’Reilly gave us a great reason to crown him this week’s top douche: He fingered the LGBT community and reproductive-rights advocates for launching the first salvo in the War on Christmas.
O’Reilly was really following the lead of Imus in the Morning producer Bernard McGuirk, who claimed “the war on Christmas is very, very real,” and is fueled bt “abortion and the gay-rights agenda,” because Fundamentalists oppose both.
Said O’Reilly: “I absolutely agree 100% that the diminishment of Christianity is the target and Christmas is the vehicle because the secularists know the opposition to their agenda—legalized drugs is in that as well—comes primarily from the Judeo-Christian traditionalist people.
What exactly are all these reactionaries talking about when they cite the War on Christmas? Do they mean the commercialization of the holiday and the de-emphasis of Jesus’ birth?
Well, they’re right: Who even thinks of Jesus at Christmastime anymore? When was the last time a network ran The Greatest Story Ever Told?
It’s all about presents and “the spirit of giving.”
But it wasn’t us homos that did it—it was corporations looking to make end-of-the-year profits.
And it started decades ago, well before there was such a thing as gay rights. Even our modern-day concept of Santa Claus comes from Coca-Cola ads from the 1920s and ’30s.
Ironically, the right-wing Republicans who make up Fox News’ audience just love giant corporations. They’re people, after all!
So for heaping yet another societal ill at our feet, we’re giving O’Reilly a lump of coal in his stocking. All together now: What a douche!