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eye on the ball

Five Straight Guy Myths About Gay Guys In The Locker Room

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Gays have never been more prominent in sports than they are now. What with NFL draft hopeful Michael Sam coming out and Jason Collins becoming the first openly gay major athlete when he suited up against the Lakers last weekend, we seem to be making great strides in changing perceptions of homosexuality in athletics.

But there’s still a long way to go. We got to thinking about our own locker room experiences after we saw an ESPN poll in which one in four NFL players say they would refuse to shower with a gay teammate.

Here are the five biggest myths straight guys have about sharing the locker room with gays.

1. We can’t keep our eyes off of you

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Let’s start with the biggest offender. We hate to have to put it so bluntly (ok maybe we don’t mind), but you just aren’t that hot. And it isn’t that you’re not hot in that “you aren’t exactly my type but damn I’d love to practice my squats on you” sort of way, but more like “you remind me of my weird uncle who watches TV in his underwear.”

We know in your mind you are the pinnacle of testosterone-fueled masculinity and the obvious lust object for all gay men, but you might want to spend a little less time doing chest presses and a little more time swimming laps. The beer gut? Not so cute.

Unless of course you are in the .01% of people who really are that hot. Then you’ll just have to deal with a casual admiring look.

2. Let’s rendezvous in shower stall #4

locker room

Contrary to popular belief, we are not all public exhibitionists whose first thought when undressing post-workout is to add even more bacteria to the already infested shower floor. While in theory it may spark a fantasy or two, reality is (as is usually the case) a lot less sexy. For those who are into public sex, there are much better choices of locale. Generally, the gym shower is a very un-sexy space — the flip-flops, the stained grout, the general mildewy musk.

Unless of course you belong to a “gay gym.” Then you might want to steer clear of the steam room if the five-knuckle Olympics isn’t what you’re training for.

3. You can always tell who’s gay

1BARCELONA LOCKER ROOM

We get it. You’re a man. I mean, a real man. You can bench 190 pounds (while grunting of course) and your gym uniform is an oversized t-shirt with even more oversized shorts. I hate to break it to you, but there are gay guys who look, dress and grunt just like you at the gym. You may think you have it all figured out, but honey, you don’t know the first thing about the complex masculine/feminine spectrum in gay culture.

Unless of course you’re focused only on the twink with the bleach blonde hair or the muscle queen in the Madonna tank top. They’re almost certainly on our team.

4. Our iPods exclusively blast Beyonce and Robyn

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You think all we do is go out clubbing, dance to pop music, head to the gym the next day, work out to pop music, then go home and fuck…to pop music. Nobody has a one-track soundtrack to life — how boring would that be? — and that goes for the same when exercising. Sometimes we need some St. Lucia, maybe a little Super Flu — hell, how about Curtis Mayfield every now and then? Don’t you be pigeonholing us.

Unless of course it’s a Beyonce day. And there are lots of Beyonce days.

5. All we do is cardio and yoga

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This goes back to #3. There are all types of people, and that includes all types of gay guys. That dude you’ve been “bro-checking-out” because of his insane body that you hope to one day achieve? She’s one of us. The personal trainer you’ve dropped serious cash on to try and build more mass? You should see him on a go-go box.

Unless of course you take a Zumba class or something with a name like “Bodyflow.”

By:           Dan Tracer
On:           Mar 1, 2014
Tagged: , , ,
  • 45 Comments
    • Mezaien
      Mezaien

      A lot more happen in the locker room when I am in there! specially with the black men, great to be HOMO.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 8:39 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fang
      Fang

      I have to admit….I embody all of these stereotypes. :P

      Mar 1, 2014 at 9:34 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bfrenz
      Bfrenz

      Yeah,It’s a little bit weird..

      Mar 1, 2014 at 10:14 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • queermarek
      queermarek

      hmm. Most of the time I get cruised at the gym by married “straight” guys. Once I had a married guy walk into the shower with me(individual stalls, he was NOT invited). The gay guys in the gym have developed a much more subtle way of checking you out than the straight guys.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 11:50 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • stranded
      stranded

      As far as #1 goes. Though men don’t leer 24/7 we do on occasion. We can’t help it, we’re men. I think straight guys need to get over the idea of being leered at. They look at women and think nothing of it. The tables get turned and suddenly their virtue is at risk. Come on. Getting looked at doesn’t make you gay. If you catch a guy checking you out, mind your business and ignore it.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 12:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Louis
      Louis

      I’m sorry but I don’t think I’m the only one who’s like that. When I’m in the locker room, yes I’m there to get changed, but I do appreciate seeing the bodies of other hot guys. I think it is perfectly normal to check out someone, and I don’t think there is something wrong with it, unless you’re staring and being pervy.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 1:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • viveutvivas
      viveutvivas

      Of course we look at the hot guys. Everyone looks at the hot guys, including the straight guys and they themselves (in the mirror). They often invite it with the little shows they put on.

      The ones who would mind being looked at are usually the ones who are not hot.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 1:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • SpunkyBunks
      SpunkyBunks

      The only guys paranoid about gay guys checking them out are the ugly straight guys. Someone needs to make a nationally televised commercial letting them know that we are NOT checking them out! If hot girls don’t want them, there’s a good chance we don’t want them either.

      If anything, good looking straight guys get offended and really insecure if I don’t check them out enough! Seriously. If they don’t get enough “eye” attention from me, they will make an effort to come up to me and say hi, just to make sure everything is OK and that they are still hot in my eyes. It boosts their self-esteem to know that they can attract a gay guy and turn him down. It’s a power thing. In my experience, the uglier the straight guy, the greater the chance that he will be homophobic.

      I’m not trying to be superficial, that’s just how it is in my experience.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 4:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stefano
      Stefano

      @SpunkyBunks : i just can’t stop laughing ! You make my day…you are joking, right?

      Mar 1, 2014 at 4:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Icebloo
      Icebloo

      You won’t catch me playing any Beyonce. She is the most overrated, over-hyped, overly promoted, talentless lipsyncing btch of all time. AWFUL. She only has to sneeze and they give her a Grammy. She represents all that has destroyed the music business.

      Does that mean I have to return my gay card ?

      Mar 1, 2014 at 5:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wpewen
      wpewen

      Well guys, as an older bud (55yrs) I can only say-if you keep showing guys in oversize muscles and dinky speedos nobody is going to take you for real. In all my gym days I didn’t do much lookin’ at the other dudes-too busy changing and showering. I’d suggest everyone mind their p’s and q’s while in the locker room. You get a ‘pass’ to be with the guys-not a license to cruise. If you think they’re checkin’ you out, be flattered. Don’t mess it up for everyone else.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 6:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wpewen
      wpewen

      @viveutvivas: Maybe you look. Not all of us do…

      Mar 1, 2014 at 6:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Curtispsf
      Curtispsf

      I remember one day when some (straight?) guy gave me the full on view from head to toe in the shower and stopped at my groin, saying “I wish I had that”. My reply was “You can, if you work hard at it”. I thought he was talking about my overall physique. “No”, he replied “I was talking about your dick” so I motioned to the steam room but he got embarrassed. “I’m straight…I just meant I wish I had a package like yours”. I said “you know where to find me, as I headed for the steam room”.

      He joined me a minute or two later and gave me head and as I was close to cumming in under a minute I started pushing his head back to let him know. He made a noise that sounded like no and kept going, so I came in his mouth and he swallowed. So that’s what happens when gay guys shower with straight guys. WE get sexually harassed and hit on.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 6:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Louis
      Louis

      @Curtispsf doesn’t sound like ”sexual harrassement” to me.

      I think it is not reprehensible to look at another guy’s body, as long as you don’t stare, especially the private parts. I mean, we are all humans and finding someone attractive is normal. We look at the beach, we look in the street, gay and straight, men and women. I’m not gonna enter the locker rooms with my eyes closed. There are beautiful men around me and I appreciate looking at them, but I won’t stare.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 6:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bad Ass Biker
      Bad Ass Biker

      I must add that the gay guys at my Chicago bath house are more modest in walking around than the “straight” guys at my gym. And except for the occasional nice body, most of the straight guys are nothing to look at.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 6:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • johnny
      johnny

      Football, track, swimming and basketball and never once have I ever had the inclination or the desire to approach another athelete and never once did I pop wood. Even if someone is conventioanlly “hot,” your mind doesn’t even go there when your mind is in business/sports mode. A certain image might go through my head in the privacy of my own home but what harm does that do to anyone?

      Mar 1, 2014 at 6:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • multitasker
      multitasker

      Come on, dudes who fear the queer eye in the locker room, think about it. We’ve seen dick. We’ve seen other bodies of our same sex/gender. No matter how hot or how fugly you may be, we’re not going to be terribly impressed unless you have damn good reason for us to be impressed, in which case pretty much ALL guys regardless of their sexual orientation are going to be looking at you. The real difference is that we develop skills to be more discrete, furtive, and respectful in generic social environments. If anybody DOES look, accept the compliment and get over it.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 6:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Alan down in Florida
      Alan down in Florida

      But some straight guys are SO paranoid at being looked at. The last gym I went to the guys would come out of the shower wrapped in a large towel, grab their gear and go into one of the toilet stalls to get dressed so nobody could see what they were packing.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 7:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MusicEsMiVida
      MusicEsMiVida

      Am I the only one who thinks the picture for this article is SEXY AS FUCK??!! Dayuuum!!

      Mar 1, 2014 at 7:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Redpalacebulleaglesox
      Redpalacebulleaglesox

      Much the same as the 5 straight guy myths about gays in the barracks. I’ve heard them all and like touchises, everyone’s got one and they all stink.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 8:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • john.k
      john.k

      As a foreigner who reads lots of American forums and blogs I used to be amused at some of the comments that were made during the DADT arguments. Many posters claiming to be serving US military men seemed to be obsessed with what might happen in the showers if gays were allowed to serve openly in the US armed forces. I once responded that I often play golf with straight friends and share showers with them after the game. I enquired if my friends were braver than American soldiers.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 9:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LadyL
      LadyL

      @Icebloo: Yes. Yes, it does.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 10:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ridgelineranger
      ridgelineranger

      I remember years ago as an orderly at a hosp. It came out that I was gay, and my fellow orderlies said that they would not share a lockeroom with me. I assured them I was NOT interested in any of them. The response from more than a few of them was…”Whats wrong with me, that you are not interested”? To which I replied, “You don’t me in the lockeroom, but your pissed I’m not interested in you? What a laugh.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 11:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • davincibarnette
      davincibarnette

      @LadyL: LOL !!

      Mar 2, 2014 at 1:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Evji108
      Evji108

      The guys that are so paranoid of being seen naked that they cover up their junk at all times and either change under a towel, (at great inconvenience, or change in a toilet stall, are very strange. What is their issue? Anybody have thoughts on this subject? I just don’t get it.

      Mar 2, 2014 at 2:34 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sarajon
      sarajon

      hi u can say this

      Mar 2, 2014 at 2:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sarajon
      sarajon

      why

      Mar 2, 2014 at 2:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Maude
      Maude

      It’s been my experience that the guys both gay and straight usually cover their ‘junk’ in the locker room because their ‘junk’ is kinda small.

      Trust me, size DOES matter.

      Mar 2, 2014 at 10:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Maude
      Maude

      Those are the same guys that use the booth to take a piss.
      They are so paranoid, they wont even chance a peek at the urinal.

      On the other hand, the guys both straight and gay with large ‘junk’ sometimes stand pretty far back from the urinal.

      Mar 2, 2014 at 10:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • stranded
      stranded

      @Maude: Probably a consequence of porn being so available. We compare ourselves to what we see, which is usually a big dicked porn star.

      Mar 2, 2014 at 10:11 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • viveutvivas
      viveutvivas

      I shudder to think of what would happen to Americans in places like Switzerland, where men and women shower together in some places and nobody bats an eye.

      Mar 2, 2014 at 11:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EGO
      EGO

      As I recall, if the straight jocks in the locker room had an inclination that I was gay, they were more interested in my satisfying their willies than they were being paranoid.

      Mar 2, 2014 at 12:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hotshot70
      hotshot70

      I hate the guys that have the attitude. “Yeah, I am hot and you wanna look, but don’t!” Those are the least attractive guys. I admit to taking a peek, but I don’t ogle them or “eye-fuck” them. If they return a look, I’ll try to start a conversation. It doesb’t always end in him on floor legs open and me pounding it! lol

      Mar 2, 2014 at 3:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CCTR
      CCTR

      @Evji108: “The guys that are so paranoid of being seen naked that they cover up their junk at all times and either change under a towel, (at great inconvenience, or change in a toilet stall, are very strange. What is their issue? Anybody have thoughts on this subject? I just don’t get it.”

      Just thoughts:
      -could be overly self conscious about their junk
      -maybe they are very private and modest about full nudity
      -trying not to lead anyone to think they are being suggestive in anyway (he wanted people to look or else he would have kept it covered up)
      -aware that there are people that may want to look and they don’t want to be objectified
      -maybe hiding possible skid marks in their undies :)

      I’ve seen guys take their bags into the shower stall and come out damp fulled dressed, hats and shoes included and have wondered about this myself.

      Mar 2, 2014 at 5:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DonsHere
      DonsHere

      Oh please, the guys who ‘shop’ in the gym/lockers/showers (whether gay, bi or straight) seem desperate at best…

      Mar 2, 2014 at 6:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bob LaBlah
      Bob LaBlah

      Guys who dress/undress under a towel generally are ashamed of “something” about themselves. The ones who really hand me a laugh at my gym are:

      1. the latino boys with the breaded buns and ping-pong ball biceps who think the streaks in their BVD”S are gold and their bodies are worthy of being praised.

      2. the twinks who wear sexy underwear but turn their noses up at older guys who even look in their direction (never mind if the older guy is talking to someone who happens to be standing down wind from the little self centered whore who NEVER talks to anyone over twenty-one (unless they need to turn a trick).

      I hope to see and article about those who wear underwear and jockstraps that they simply have NO business wearing due to how ridiculous they make the person look trying to look sexy.

      Mar 3, 2014 at 1:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Evji108
      Evji108

      @viveutvivas: Oh come one, for one thing plenty of Americans travel in Europe and get along just fine in saunas, beaches and swimming areas where men and women are naked together. As for the rest they stay home anyway.

      Mar 3, 2014 at 2:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Celtic
      Celtic

      When straight men finally realize they are no more a sexual catch for gay guys than they believe they are for women they might get a clue. Soon to turn 70 and having served in the US MIL, coming on to another guy in the shower is someone’s wild fantasy. If you are afraid we might look at your winky, here’s some news for ya: ALL guys check each other out, period. If you truly believe you are that sexually appealing to a gay man, perhaps you are the one with the issues. Besides, any gay man in his right mind would not waste the time and energy it would require to convince a straight guy to cum over to our side — even for a quick suck & fuck. And you are REALLY worried about all this, then I think you actually are one of us — in denial.

      Mar 3, 2014 at 1:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bnard620
      bnard620

      I can’t stand the guys who hook up at the gym, its dirty and not in a sexy way

      Mar 3, 2014 at 2:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Celtic
      Celtic

      @SpunkyBunks: In some instances those good looking straight guys are at some level bisexual. Good looking well-built men enjoy being looked at by both men and women. The “queer fear” that has overtaken our society is sick and sad. A straight man having sex with another man, straight or gay, does not make the man gay. As a 70 year-old gay man who came 46 years ago, I really, really wish our infantile nation would get a grip.

      Mar 3, 2014 at 5:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Maude
      Maude

      To some extent the problem of homophobia ia caused by the swishy faggots that makes all gays suffer for their antics.

      Mar 3, 2014 at 5:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DickieJohnson
      DickieJohnson

      @Maude: Thanks, I’ve said that all along. Usually, the are the loudest and most visible attention seekers, but make up only about 10% of the gay population. Rainbow-plumed queens, or jock-strapped seniors, in a Pride parade, do not represent me, or my gayness. And, yes, it’s generally the most unattractive and dumb ones who are the most homophobic.

      Jun 2, 2014 at 11:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ridgelineranger
      ridgelineranger

      I am not in bad shape, if I say so myself, but while sweating it out on a cross trainer, a muscle god walked past me and the chubby straight guy on the next cross trainer. The straight guy and I looked at each other, and I said, “Why do I even bother”. The straight guy said, “Hell, I’d settle for looking like you” I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or insulted…LOL.

      Jun 4, 2014 at 9:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • topshelf
      topshelf

      Guys look at other guys. Straight or gay. It’s out of attraction, admiration or revulsion. Or that, in a room with four walls and a floor, there’s a 20% chance that I’m just facing your direction.

      I have no problem with it. Out of my last five boyfriends, including my partner of ten years, all were the result of the “pre-screening” that happened at the gym.

      Jun 5, 2014 at 11:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rcktetr
      rcktetr

      I admit I like looking at other guys. I’m human. I try to be respectful. But in my experience in a little Michigan town in a small gym there is far more than 0.01% of those dudes that are hot n have nice bodies.

      I’m just being real. And as a ggay man I’m skeptical of other gay dudes who claim not to care Bout other guys in a shower. That includes military gays. Sorry. Not proud of it. But we’re all human.

      Sep 27, 2014 at 10:03 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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