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You might be here, queer, and demanding everyone get used to it, but as Broadway (and burgeoning television) star Cheyenne Jackson tells Thomas Roberts, your parents have a bit of mourning to do. And that’s okay! Just give ’em some time.
David Ehrenstein
Very thoughtful and heartfelt words from Cheyenne. However there are parents who NEVER get over it.
Hilton Als in this week’s “New Yorker” notes —
“Most gay children have straight parents, which means that, from birth, they’re different from those who are closest to them. And, as they grow, so does their sense of their own otherness—a feeling that is not without use for an artist. Whatever difference the now eighty-year-old composer and lyricist Stephen Sondheim felt as a gay child reared in relative privilege—first in Manhattan and then, after his parents’ divorce, in Pennsylvania—was exacerbated by his sadistic, social-climbing mother, Etta Janet Sondheim, who was aptly nicknamed Foxy. About three-quarters of the way through the charming revue “Sondheim on Sondheim” (a Roundabout Theatre Company production, directed by James Lapine, at Studio 54), we watch a film clip of Sondheim telling a remarkable story. When he was forty, Foxy was preparing for surgery. Worried about her possible fate, she messengered a letter to Sondheim in which she noted that the only regret she had in life was giving birth to him. Sondheim reflects on this briefly, before adding that he’d suspected for a long time that his mother disliked him but hadn’t known why. Did he remind her of his father? Or of her bitter divorce? After he received his mother’s note, he realized that he didn’t have to speculate anymore. The not so simple truth was that she hadn’t wanted him.
The day I saw the show, the audience gasped at this anecdote. And yet the pathos of Sondheim’s double isolation—coming of age as a gay man in the McCarthy era, deprived of maternal warmth—infuses all his work. His nineteen musicals have one foot planted in a yearning for domestic life and the other in a fear of being imprisoned by emotional connection.
wayne Lukas
I am disgusted at this Cheyenne , homophobia doesn’t suit you. You are so wrong it is palatable. YOu need to “teach” your parents how to ask you about your partners and “teach them” its okay to question things and “show them” and help them with how you’d like to be spoken to with love and respect. THat being said they have nothing to “mourn” that is so hompophobic and damaging to children who are gay and bullied and scared right now today at 14 15 16 ready this. You are so disgustingly wrong it hurts my heart.
Fitz
I understand where he is coming from, and I even sorta agree. EXCEPT for one important, important issue: the parent/child contract is mostly one sided. As a parent, you put your needs below, not before those of your child. There is a time and a place for you to have your feelings of loss– but the priority has to be the child. Polk st (and there are Polk Streets in every major city) is chuck full of run-a-way and throw-away kids who are exposed to the very ugliest part of our world.
Cam
@No. 2 · wayne Lukas
I’m not sure why you are surprised. When Cheyenne got cast in the movie about the plane that went down in PA on 911, during the interviews he would talk about how upsetting it would be if his “Wife or Girlfriend” were in that situation. My mouth dropped open because I had known for a while that he was an openly gay broadway actor, but he hopped right back in the closet furing that time. He later tried to blame both that and the fact that he wouldn’t do interviews with any gay publications on a supposedly anti-gay publicist, but his publicist wasn’t the one talking about his “Wife or Girlfriend”. Very dissappointing back then. he seems to be more open now about his new role, hopefully that will continue.
lucas
I don’t think he was homophobic. He specifically said parents had to mourn the idea that they had envisioned their kids’ lives would be. Not mourn the son or anything. The only exception would be if the parents were envisioning a gay future for their kids in which case that person probably doesn’t need any tips on coming out.
In any case, what he talks about is just one scenario and should be considered but not assumed it will always go like that. I have a friend who has not talked to his parents in 14 years and counting. On the other hand, my family didn’t even bat an eyelash or “mourn” anything.
Mark
Wayne Lukas – I took the mourning as… parent’s need to mourn the “idea” of what they thought their child’s life would be. They have to let go off their old assumptions.
Saying you are disgusted by Cheyenne, and that he is homophobic is the most ridiculous thing I think I have ever heard. I was at the Point Foundation event two weeks ago where David Mixner (in his speech) specifically praised Cheyenne for being a role model and everything he has done for the Gay community. So, with all due respect I will take David Mixner’s opinion about Cheyenne over yours any day of the week.
To: Cam
You bring up the same “Wife or Girlfriend” hear-say story every couple of months about Cheyenne. What you are referring to was something Michael Musto wrote. It was supposedly relayed to him 2nd hand by someone who overheard it.
Show me one video or tape where Cheyenne is making those“Wife or Girlfriend” remarks, and the context? Not someone writing about what was said, But, Cheyenne actually saying it.
Cam
This is weird.
Mark, I actually have a link to a later interview Jackson did where he admits saying this, I’ve tried to post it twice and Queerty isn’t letting me, does Queerty have a block against posting webistes now?!
Cam
Ok, that last post went through…so I’m going to try to post the link..
Mark, here is a link to an interview he did with the Advocate. he admits saying this. http://www.advocate.com/article.aspx?id=22242
“”“I said something along the lines of, ‘If my mom or wife or baby had been on the plane…’
Well, Musto heard ‘wife’ and wrote in his column, ‘Nobody asked about [Jackson’s] sexuality after that.’ “”
Mark
CAM: your implying that whatever he said, was said to hide is sexuality or stay in the closet. You nor the example from the Advocate give the context or the exact quote he said, or the question that was asked to him for that matter.
“I said something along the lines of” How is that an exact quote?
People like you just stir-up trouble for no reason.
Cheyenne was never in the closet. This riduclous story you keep bringing up as absolutely no merit.Cheyenne gave a major interview with the NY Times on Feb 27 2005 saying he was Gay. A full year before the Michael Musto piece.
Why don’t you focus your BS on someone who is actually in the closet and is hindering us, not someone making a difference in our community.
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/02/27/theater/theaterspecial/27erik.html?ex=1111640400&en=196b4c2ece80b8e4&ei=5070
Peace
Cam
No. 9 · Mark said….
CAM: your implying that whatever he said, was said to hide is sexuality or stay in the closet. You nor the example from the Advocate give the context or the exact quote he said, or the question that was asked to him for that matter.
“I said something along the lines of” How is that an exact quote?
People like you just stir-up trouble for no reason.
Cheyenne was never in the closet. This riduclous story you keep bringing up as absolutely no merit.Cheyenne gave a major interview with the NY Times on Feb 27 2005 saying he was Gay. A full year before the Michael Musto piece.
Why don’t you focus your BS on someone who is actually in the closet and is hindering us, not someone making a difference in our community.
_____________________
Mark look, I get that you like this guy. I really do. The fact of the matter was, I saw the interview, the Advocate had noted that he wouldn’t do interviews at the times with gay outlets, AND, your bringing up his interview with the NYTimes that he did before the movie is irrelevent.
The reason it is irrelevent was…because what was so shocking about him saying that, is because he WAS out of the closet….but then as soon as he got a Hollywood movie, and started doing press for it, he jumped right back in the closet. You at first claimed he didn’t say it, then when I provided you proof you claim both that it could be out of context, and say that I’m somehow damaging our cause by bringing this up. I think ANYBODY who thinks that it is better to hide who they are, or be in the closet is bad for us. Jackson was out when he was doing work on Broadway, tried to hide his sexuality when he got movie work, got flammed for it, and now is back out of the closet. That is fine, and I’m glad he is out, however, if you notice in that Advocate article, he also priased PEOPLE magazine for NOT mentioning his sexuality when he was in there. He definitly seemed to have issues with his sexuality whenever he was beyond the boarders of Broadway.
Matt
My parents have been morning so long they act like it never happened. They love me a lot and I know that but anything dealing with gay (i.e. b/f or even friends) are avoided like the plague.
Fitz
@Matt: Then they don’t love you THAT much. You come as a package. the parts that they get, and the parts that they don’t. Depending on your age, consider calling them on the carpet.
Mark
Why aren’t you rallying against the current behaviors of Zach Quinto, Wentworth Miller, Lee Pace.
Or past behaviors of people like TR Knight or Neil Patrick Harris (both of whom were completely in the closet until drug out by Perez Hilton. Even Jesse Tyler Ferguson didn’t come out until he was on a Gay show (Modern Family)
FYI – Neil Patrick Harris said the same thing, “blaming the publicist” You let NPH have a pass on his statement. But, than call Cheyenne out for something “he may or may not” have done 5 years ago. Your being a bit of a hypocrite, and I think you have some personal issues with him.
And I do admire him. He has done a hell of a lot more for our community than you or I.
Your being a hippocrate
Cam
@No. 13 · Mark
You are letting your fandom cloud your vision. you first claimed that he never said any of those things. Then when proof was provided you tried to claim that it was out of context, then when context was provided you lashed out and said we should be attacking every other gay actor out there. You have demonstrably lied on this post. Either because you were unaware of the truth or you knew it and sought to hide it. If you have to lie to make your point, perhaps you should rethink your point.
Why don’t I attack those other people you mentioned? Easy…because this is a post about Cheyenne Jackson. If you want to see those other people getting praised, lambasted whatever…..perhaps you should go and look at previous posts about them. AS for hypocricy, I can pretty much promise you that nobody was mentioning or attacking Cheyenne Jackson in any of the posts about those guys, so everything is even. Calm down, take a deep breath, and let the little fangirl quivers subside.
C Mutz
Cam you need mental help
C Mutz
CAM
Sorry Dude. I don’t meant to be rude. You’re more obssesed than Mark. If anyone needs a chill pill it’s you!
Cam
No. 15 · C Mutz
Cam you need mental help
and
No. 16 · C Mutz
CAM
Sorry Dude. I don’t meant to be rude. You’re more obssesed than Mark. If anyone needs a chill pill it’s you!
__________________________________________
Yeah Yeah Yeah, you guys are no different than the obsessed Clay Aiken or Adam Lambert fans in here. This is pretty much how you all always respond.
1. You attack anybody who points out something unflattering about the celeb, and say they are lying
2. They prove they aren’t lying so you then attack the context, and call them a “Hater”..
3. They prove the context, as they were asked to.
4. Since you can’t debate the truth anymore you just launch a personal attack, say they are obsessed, etc… try to make it seem like they have a vendetta etc…
Please, at least the Clay Aiken folks were a bit more creative in their attacks. C Muntz…when somebody says that I am lying, and I then provide proof, trying to say that I am obsessed is just sad….the problem is, since I backed up what I said, you just have no other option but to attack. Again, that is just sad. You can be somebody’s fan without being blind.
Ryan
CAM
I’m not sure you proved anything. You used your interpretation of a single questionable resource as your proof. Go outside walk in the sunshine. You seem like you’re ready to blow a gasket. I’m not sure a flame-war with fangurls is helping you’re arguement.
Cam
No. 18 · Ryan
CAM
I’m not sure you proved anything. You used your interpretation of a single questionable resource as your proof.
________________________________________
A questionable resource? An interview with the Advocate is a questionable resource? Ryan, this isn’t a matter of “helping my argument.” They said something, I disputed it etc… I find it funny that the ONLY time people on Queerty are attacked for answering back at other people is when it is about some Celeb, and that celebs fans always come in and try to make the attacks personal.
Any other topic on here, discussions can go on post after post after post…but when it’s about Clay Aiken, Adam Lambert, Anderson Cooper, this guy etc… suddenly responding to a fan comment with a statement that doesn’t fit within their opinion invites attacks or comments. I have no need to walk outside, your commenting that the celeb’s own words with the longest operating Gay news Magazine in the country are a “Questionable Source” pretty much show what your angle was in your comment. Nice try though.
C Mutz
The original source for the advocate piece ” my wife” comment was a story first published on. Michael Musto’s gossip column. So yes it is questionable.
by your logic,If the NY Times quoted Page Six that would mean the data in the Page Six piece was Factual. Just because it wa referenced in the Times.
Cam
No. 20 · C Mutz
The original source for the advocate piece ” my wife” comment was a story first published on. Michael Musto’s gossip column. So yes it is questionable.
______________
NO, if you bothered to go to the link…the Advocate piece…was an interview WITH Jackson. They asked him about it and he responded. You are trying to claim that the Advocate was quoting Michael Musto about something he said…absolutly wrong. This was an interview WITH Cheyenne Jackson where he admitted saying it. But no problem, I’m sure you’ll figure out some other way to defend him in your next post or attack me for daring to find an interview where he said something you don’t want him to have said.
C Mutz
He responded that Musto was incorrect and out of context. How does that prove your point? He disputes the context.
CAM talking to you is like having a conversation with a block of wood.
WalkderDC
Oh My god, give it a rest! Cam linked to an Advocate interview, the guy says he says it, but something I think is as bad is that in the same interview if you read he was praising People magazine for not mentioning his sexuality. That sounds like the guy was happy to be out when he was in a very gay friendly place but that he still had some major insecurities about it 2 or so years ago when he did the interview.
SSCHIEFRSHA
“Give them time”?
How about putting your kids needs before yours? After all it’s what it means to be a parent, n’est-ce pas?
alan brickman
Gay or Straight…excuses, excuses, excuses…maybe he’ll sue them….
jeffree
Some of the PFLAG literature talks about the stages a parent goes thru when learning their kid is gay/ lesbian /bi.
mourning is part of that process. Some parents get thru the stages to acceptance & affirmation, but many don’t.
The mourning is about dreams of marriage, grandkids, a “normal life.” Blaming themselves, trying to fix it, etc.
Of the 14 or so people I know well @ school who have come out 2 their parents –or who were outed– only two of us had an OK response from the get go, 3 or four were “disowned” at least for a couple years, 2 or 3 sent for the “cure”& the rest have parents who came around kind of, but not totally. Lots of parents seem to just pretend its a stage or just WON”T talk about the subject, meet boyfriends or girlfriends, that kind of stuff. We’re all college age, so many don’t come out untill we are graduated & on our own……
Cheyenne’s parents may never come around 2 that whole acceptance/ affirmation thing. it takes us g/l/b people time to get there too, but if a parent does NOT make efforts to get over their grieving, then we lgb’ s need to figure out what role ++if any++ our parents will play in our lives.
still it’s sad that parents love depends on whether their kids are str8 or not.
Jasun
@Fitz: Don’t tell someone that their parents don’t love them that much. That’s crude. I’m sure his parents love him very much, they simply don’t get where he’s coming from.
damon459
I must be one of those super rare super lucky people I came out to my family at 12 yrs old and not one of my family members disowned me and I’m talking parents siblings aunts uncles the whole lot of them even my great grandmother who was 90 when I told her and she said ” Hun your not the first in the family and we will love you as much as we did them” I feel part of being a parent is unconditional love if you can’t handle that concept your not ready to be a parent.
Torque
Everyone is entititled to their opinion. But, @Wayne Lukas , calling Cheyenne Jackson a disgusting homophobe is not only out of line , it’s rude and a lie. You should be ashamed of yourself for make such outrageous statements. DIsgusting and Homophobic? Did you even watch the interview fully through?
I came to Queerty because of a link you posted on Cheyenne’s Facebook Fanpage. On that site you posted equally terrible things. Again calling him disgusting.
Wayne Scot Lukas, I wonder if your best friend Deborah Cox knows that you are going from site to site posting nasty comments about one of her friends. This is childish behavior for a 40 -50 year old man.
Fitz
@Jasun: I disagree, though I know that what I said is very charged. It’s too heavy a topic for a gossip blog, but it’s an important part of self respect which many gay people struggle with. If love is conditional upon you not being you, then it is phony. If you are a halfway decent human being, then love is a birthright. Seek it from yourself, seek it from others, avoid those who deny it to you.