Unicorn Booty turns our eye toward the strange and lurid tale of Rev. Robert C. Christian, a 61-year-old senior pastor who decided on a whim to (a) wear a skirt over a 72-year-old parishioner’s house, (b) go to the bathroom to jerk off while she made him coffee, and (c) expose himself and his erect penis to our faithful old lady.
It is unclear how much of this Spokane, Wash. scene was premeditated, but good lord Baby Jesus is it weird. (A dramatic recreation of the incident, at right.)
Reports the Spokane Spokesman-Review:
The woman, who lives alone, said Christian said he’d lost a bet and had to wear a skirt for the day, according to court documents. The woman invited Christian in and he asked to use the bathroom. He emerged from the room after an extended period and sat down at the dining room table for coffee. It was then the woman saw Christian’s erect penis sticking out the front of the button-up skirt, police allege.
The victim said her cultural beliefs prevent her from making allegations against people in positions of authority, so she said nothing to Christian. He stayed at the home until two real estate agents arrived for a previously arranged showing of the home. Christian told the victim “don’t tell them I’m a pastor” and left after explaining to the real estate agents he “had lost a bet which was why he was wearing the skirt,” police say.
Sketchy. Kooky. Creepy. And not so right. And Christian has a wife. Who’s defending him!
Christian’s wife told detectives that she and her husband are “out of the box thinkers” who like to do fun things to get attention for the church, such as wearing sandwich boards and walking up and down the street.
“Out of the box thinkers” should be used to describe people who develop new iPhone features that the world instantly becomes addicted to. It should not be used to describe people who adopt the embarrassing methods of midtown delis or homeless people.
Christian: proving that being a pastor does not necessarily make you such a good Christian after all.