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Should Gay-Only Hotels + Guesthouses Welcome Straights In The Name Of Equality?

From specific bathrooms to specific island resorts, we’ve heard the arguments for why it’s perfectly fine to discriminate based on sexuality and gender identity when it appears to benefit our community. But in the wake of that British hotel owned by Christian couple Peter and Hazelmary Bull being fined $5,700 for refusing to let a gay couple spend the night, apparently the no-straights-allowed policy of some gay guesthouses is being questioned.

In Key West, a lesbians-only property cited the economy, not a desire to remove discriminatory policies, as the reason it’s opening up to heteros and their families. In Australia, a law that let gay bars actively discriminate against straight clientele saw that policy get pushed aside: Bouncers can no longer ask potential patrons about their sexuality; they can only remind them what “type” (read: gay) of establishment they’re about to walk into.

So what about gay hotels that actively bar non-gays? Should those rules change in the interest of equality? The Telegraph‘s Jonathan Wynne-Jones says it might not be up to them in the U.K.

The Equality and Human Rights Commission is examining whether “gay-only” guesthouses breach new laws designed to prevent people being treated unfairly in the provision of goods or services. Last month, Christian owners of a guesthouse in Cornwall became the first to be found guilty of discrimination under equality laws after they refused to let a homosexual couple stay in a double room, in a legal action supported by the EHRC. Now, the watchdog says it must establish an “objective balance” by considering if gays-only accommodation also defies the legislation. Its lawyers are now investigating the issue and the EHRC says it has not ruled out taking legal action against “gay-only” hotels if they are deemed to be discriminating against heterosexuals. However, it admits that it has not received a single complaint from the public about such establishments.

The watchdog has also said it spent £15,320 of taxpayers’ money on projects to ensure hotels run by Christians are complying with the law and has written to warn them over their treatment of homosexuals. Hoteliers who run same-sex guesthouses fear they could be put out of business if they are forced to open their doors to heterosexual couples as it will make their core market feel more self-conscious.

How do local gay business owners feel about it?

John Bellamy, 55, who runs a homosexual hotel in Bournemouth for men only, said that the new legislation could result in the closure of exclusively gay guesthouses. While he said he welcomed the new equality laws for tackling discrimination, he added that it had “come at a price”. “I knew we’d get this as the new legislation is a double-edged sword,” said Mr Bellamy, who runs Hamilton Hall, which advertises that “clothing is optional” at the hotel. “We’ve been campaigning for this law for years so that everyone is equal, but it could spell the end of gay-only resorts. Gay bars and clubs are closing because they can’t restrict themselves any more and the gay world is losing its culture.”

Mark Hurst, who runs a “gay-only” guesthouse in Blackpool has also expressed fears that he could lose his homosexual clientele if he is forced to accept heterosexual people. “Many of them would feel more self-conscious. Many of our guests like to just sit on the settee in the lounge and cuddle up to watch a film,” he said. “They can hold hands and have a little kiss and would behave in a way they may not if they were in a mixed crowd.”

Then again, any heteros who knew they were walking into a gay-oriented (rather than gay-only) hotel would almost certainly know that pairings of two men and two women (and sometimes more, ’cause that’s how we sometimes do) were going to be taking place on the property, whether during the house breakfast each morning or out by the pool.

As for clothing optional resorts? I wonder if they might have a natural out. Since it’s perfectly acceptable to segregate the sexes in matters of locker rooms, bathrooms, and saunas, might it also be okay to do so if your hotel welcomes guests to disrobe where they please?

By:           JD
On:           Feb 20, 2011
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

  • 66 Comments
    • Matt Smith
      Matt Smith

      whats the story on The OUT NYC and G Resorts are those things still opening this year? Anyone know?

      Feb 20, 2011 at 10:16 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kernelt
      kernelt

      They can put the sign that said “aware this is where gay reside”

      Feb 20, 2011 at 10:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chadiva
      Chadiva

      Actually, it would be a bad business policy to actively bar straight people from any gay-oriented or “-only” establishment. As long as the heteros know who the target clientele is, what’s the risk?

      Feb 20, 2011 at 10:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      no comment..
      but i hope they can understand about gay….

      Feb 20, 2011 at 10:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Steve
      Steve

      Discrimination is discrimination. If it is illegal to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, then it is illegal to discriminate, both for- or against-.

      Of course, marketing and advertising can target only the selected audience. The signage in the lobby can clearly indicate that this is a gay-oriented resort, to alert any straight couples that happen to walk in off the street. If they are made aware before they register, most straight couples would not want to make a scene.

      There is always the worry that it might become fashionable for straight couples to go to gay resorts. Then, those resorts would be overrun.

      At the extreme, I suppose a resort or club could become a private club, and require a membership process to join. A lot of the gay clubs used to do just that, and some still do.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 11:21 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • greenmanTN
      greenmanTN

      Fair is fair, I suppose, but I also think there’s a need for “gay space” and some str8 people treat gay bars like a trip to the zoo.

      I remember there were articles a year or so ago about “Boystown” clubs in Chicago putting up signs forbidding “bachelorette parties,” and how some women felt that was discrimination. Personally, I would have thought the idea of going to a gay club to celebrate your upcoming marriage, among people who are fighting for and NOT getting their own right to marry the person of their choice, was so patently tactless it didn’t need explaining but apparently bridezilla entitlement knows no bounds. Go figure.

      And how many recent news stories have there been about gay bashings that occurred either in or just just outside gay clubs by straight guys who “accidentally” came in?

      And let’s not pretend that straight establishments are welcoming to gays even if they aren’t openly discriminatory. You may not be stopped at the door but the clientele will let you know PDQ you’re in the wrong place.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 12:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Silver
      Silver

      This is absurd. Especially: “Many of them would feel more self-conscious. Many of our guests like to just sit on the settee in the lounge and cuddle up to watch a film,” he said. “They can hold hands and have a little kiss and would behave in a way they may not if they were in a mixed crowd.” Why would they behave in any different fashion, in that setting, if there were a mixed crowd? A gay-friendly or even gay-oriented space is not demarcated by the absence of people who aren’t gay.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 12:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Oprah
      Oprah

      “Should Gay-Only Hotels + Guesthouses Welcome Straights In The Name Of Equality?”

      The question is illogical and sort of dumb. It gives the assumptions that ‘str8 people’ want to go to ‘gay hotel and gay resort’. If you are truly str8, and have a family, a gay hanging out place is the last place you want to go. Besides, lets be realistic, no self respecting str8 person would dare be caught in a gay hotel or resort. The mere thought of being exposed and thought ‘gay’ is tormenting to their psyche. I think the author who posed this naive question is distastefully entertaining a wishful fantasy. The sooner you snap out of it, the healthier and gay-er you will be. lol

      Feb 20, 2011 at 1:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hf2hvit
      hf2hvit

      They’re the perfect places for married men to go to take it in the ass while declaring they’re not gay…of course after taking a few wads up their straight asses they then want to convert you to being christian or republican or both.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 1:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Devon
      Devon

      If a gay man or a lesbian wants to go somewhere and just be around other gay men or other lesbians, why shouldn’t that be an option?

      We can start forcing gay establishments to open their doors to straight people when women-only gyms are forced to let men join.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 1:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      I think until we have equal rights the ‘reverse discrimination’ thing just doesn’t apply. Straight people have the entire planet to parade around and do their thing on without being discriminated against for being straight. Gay people do not. We need “gay space” where we KNOW our faces and voices are front and center, and we are welcome and free to be ourselves. I get where, from a legal standpoint, they are coming from, and we can’t get all offended when people discriminate if we do the same.

      And yes, I can think of straight people who would happily show up in gay resorts. I had a rather heated argument with people who thought it was ok to go to gay sites and storm gay polls(usually obviously aimed at gay men) and comment sections just because they are Adam Lambert fans. When I tried to tell them how annoying it is to regulars, they got all offended and pretty much said they have the right storm these sites whenever they damn well please, and the derailment of any gay centric conversation be damned.These same ppl express interest in finding gay clubs,etc. So I don’t think its a stretch to think they’d want to find a resort for a great gay adventure.

      I surely hope that every gay resort doesn’t start advertising that straights are welcome too. They’d treat it like a trip to an amusement park, and lord forbid it should become the ‘in’ thing for them to do. They’d stare at couples kissing, ask ignorant questions, and more than likely be in for things that would shock them, making it an uncomfortable experience for all.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 1:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • randy
      randy

      The photo to this story is gross! What self-respecting gay man would jump into a filthy pool with all these peolpe? I would just as soon jump into the hot tub at the Health and Raquet Club in Midtown……

      Feb 20, 2011 at 1:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Robert
      Robert

      So, does this mean that retirement communities that only allow people 55+ should be forced to accept younger residents? Wouldn’t that be discrimination too?

      Feb 20, 2011 at 1:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frankjath
      Frankjath

      Hi, I think this type of thinking is generational. I am 19 in college and have gay and straight friends if we decided to hang out some where then that’s where we will go. We look past our sexuality and see each other as people, so excluding straight people from gay oriented places does not make since to me. As society we need to mix “gay” culture with the rest of society and stop doing things separately because in the end it forms a ghetto around us and we won’t progress, evolve, and achieve equal rights.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 2:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Brian Miller
      Brian Miller

      Ahhhh, the flip-side of “non-discrimination” law — now the dominant cultural order can overwhelm our unique safe spaces… yet continue to protect theirs (especially religious) through exemptions.

      You will likely see a flood of homophobes coming to LGBT clubs and resorts in Britain and elsewhere over the next several years to cause trouble and then claim “their rights are being violated” when they’re asked to leave or barred from returning.

      Net-net, with “equality,” we now have FEWER real options, since the safe spaces will be completely destroyed, while the anti-gay spaces forced open by the law will still be hostile.

      Oh, the Law of Unintended Consequences.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 2:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Brian Miller
      Brian Miller

      @Frankjath: As society we need to mix “gay” culture with the rest of society

      Except there is no one “gay culture.”

      There are hundreds of permutations. Most of which will be destroyed or driven underground by these sorts of laws.

      Imagine some homophobic guy beating the crap out of someone or killing him because “he looked at me funny.” Think it’s not going to happen? Think again.

      And, of course, “gay culture” (even if there was one homogeneous strand of gay culture) cannot ever be integrated into society because the core of British legal culture — the Church of England — rejects equal treatment (and has received the right to continue that).

      So it’s a bum deal… we have to allow outspoken homophobes who want to cause trouble into our venues because of their “rights,” but if we enter a protected venue like a church, we can be excluded by simple dint of our queerness.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mark
      mark

      @Devon:

      This is a good idea. Lets also start making restaurants where only whites can get in and all the black people and mexicans need to go around back to eat. In addition all the straight people should start making their establishments “straight only” so the straight people dont feel uncomfortable by the potential chance they may be around other homosexuals.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 2:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ray
      Ray

      I say let anyone come in. But first you have to sign this piece of paper saying you understand that GAY ACTIVITY could take place on the property and that you won’t go running down the street in disgust wanting a refund. I would still call it “a place for Gay’s” right out front cause most chances are they are not going to want to stay unless they have “other” reasons or motives in the first place.

      I think the main reason Straight’s would want to check in is because we have so much class they want to learn from us! lol.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 3:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TheRealAdam
      TheRealAdam

      @mark: Red Herring attack w/ race. Straight people are not oppressed and have the entire planet at their disposal to be themselves. Gay people do not.

      As for straight-only establishments, that would be the majority oppressing a minority, which would be discriminatory.

      @Shannon1981: I completely agree.

      I’ll also add that straight people, just because they may be “gay-friendly,” often feel a sense of entitlement to immerse themselves in gay culture, or just hang around a lot of gays, to show how progressive and open-minded they are. We’re just experimental objects to them to fulfill their own ideas of liberalness. It’s very condescending.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 3:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Brian Miller
      Brian Miller

      @TheRealAdam: Red Herring attack w/ race. Straight people are not oppressed and have the entire planet at their disposal to be themselves. Gay people do not.

      And this is the case that courts have historically used in determining anti-discrimination measures as well. US case law says that real discrimination can only happen to a historically targeted class.

      There are no serious instances of white guys being discriminated against based on race, or straight guys being discriminated against based on sexual orientation.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 3:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Brian Miller
      Brian Miller

      @TheRealAdam: I’ll also add that straight people, just because they may be “gay-friendly,” often feel a sense of entitlement to immerse themselves in gay culture, or just hang around a lot of gays, to show how progressive and open-minded they are.

      Yet they’ll still go to church on Sunday where they hear lectures on “homosexuality not being equal,” and while they expect you to open the doors for them in gay venues, they’re not standing up and saying “this is wrong — my friend should be welcome here too!”

      Quite right.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 3:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @TheRealAdam: Entitlement is a great word, and the very reason I am spending less and less time on my fave sites of several gay artists- being a die hard Idol fan for many years, many of my fellow fans fall into the category of straight women. It gets annoying reading their well- meaning cluelessness, and to have them insists that coming here or going to AfterElton or AfterEllen or Out is just as much their right as it is ours, even their duty, and there is nothing wrong with it. I am all for REAL straight allies hanging here or wherever, but certainly not hanging out in gay bars in an effort to prove a point out how much they don’t really hate the gays. Its irritating, to say the least, and, also, as you said, condescending. I don’t need to be a pawn in their game and effort to prove how much they wanna wave a rainbow flag. Allowing them on gay cruises and resorts is a disaster in the making.

      I am giving myself trip to a lesbian resort or cruise(haven’t decided which yet) for graduation in the fall. I’m gonna be damn pissed if I show up there after dropping that much cash only to have half the women there turn out to be straight, especially if they are of the variety that are there just for some imagined walk on the wild side with the queers.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 3:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TheRealAdam
      TheRealAdam

      @Brian Miller and @Brian Miller: Exactly.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 3:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TheRealAdam
      TheRealAdam

      @Shannon1981: Precisely. And your example of a gay cruise or resort also speaks to the commerce issue at stake here – gays and lesbians seek these venues because they are aimed at our own “community.” Straight people simply don’t have to think about whether events or locations are aimed at them. It’s just not part of their consciousness, and, more to the point, it doesn’t have to be because the world caters to heterosexuality by default.

      So, how many gay and lesbians will turn away from these gay-themed, gay-oriented affairs because the hets show up? I’m guessing plenty. It’s discouraging to seek out gays and lesbians only to find that the pool has been diluted with straights, and defeats the whole purpose of creating gay space in the first place, which is still sorely needed, despite whatever claims of progress.

      I’m against it on principle and the potential consequences of the practice. But legally, I don’t know if a principle is enough to keep this from happening.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 3:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @TheRealAdam: Legally, if we rail against this, they will use it as an excuse to discriminate further. So, on that front, we have little to no choice. But there are ways around it. Openly advertising what the cruise/place is, in a way that plays up to every queer stereotype out there- twinks in glitter, butch lesbians with buzzcuts, wearing boots and little else- what truly straight person would to spend time in such a place. So if it is advertised like that, but with a big ‘ALL WELCOME’ style banner, it will keep them from wanting to come, for fear of the shock of their lives, without violating the new rules.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 4:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Right Wingers Are Socioptahs (John From England)
      Right Wingers Are Socioptahs (John From England)

      They’ve had to allow this in Manchester Uk but doesn’t mean that they won’t let you in. Bouncers are arseholes. Like with race, you just learn when you are not welcome some place.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 4:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • PopSnap
      PopSnap

      I dunno. Coming from small town Ohio, the idea of such a venue where straight people actually enjoy being around gay people sounds like Heaven to me.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 4:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @PopSnap: I get where ur coming from. I am from SC aka homophobiaville. But the idea of that is a fantasy, I assure you. And the straights in attendance would be mostly made up of a crowd of curious people, staring at the gays like animals in a zoo.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 5:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jak
      jak

      I have heard that in West Hollywood, many of the formerly gay bars were overrun by straights, and now there are very few exclusively gay establishments left. It wouldn’t be so bad if two men were allowed to dance, etc. in the straight bars, but they are not.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 6:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DJ
      DJ

      Sure why not? As long as they know what they’re getting themselves into.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 8:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • IonMusic
      IonMusic

      I’ve been harassed, jumped, called all sorts of names when my partner and I went to Vegas and joined other friends in a very well know straight club (then a straight bar)…the fact that my partner of 14 years and I had no interest in making out with a female, and would rather enjoy each others company, or dance one dance together stirred a lot of hate. We as a community have endured a great deal of pain and isolation in the hands of many hetrosexual institutions that do not mind projecting disdain for us as people. Until that’s reversed, them (straight folks) crying woe is me and playing victim is a calculating way to diminish our struggles and pain. There’s something to be said about a safe haven, safe area, and space where gay people can just be without worry and bigotry. We deserve that given what we’ve endured and sadly continue to.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 8:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • cls
      cls

      Freedom of association is freedom of association, it cuts both ways. Both should be allowed. Let the public decide when it is warranted and when it is not. If it is not they can boycott and change the policy or close down the business. There are enough businesses catering to the public that freedom of association should be permitted.

      Feb 20, 2011 at 10:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • damon459
      damon459

      It’s not like we have gay ID cards who are we to ban heterosexuals if we don’t want them to ban us?

      Feb 20, 2011 at 11:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @damon459: but they DO ban us. From marrying, from the same discrimination protections they enjoy, from their churches…yes, it works both ways, but until they cut the crap and treat us just like they want to be treated(gotta love the Golden Rule)they don’t get to force us to give up what little we do have.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 12:13 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Zack
      Zack

      In 1989, I checked into the Blue Marlin, a gay hotel in Ft Lauderdale. The first thing I was asked by the front desk was “you do know this is a gay hotel?” Gay life was all new to me back then so I was kind of surprised and relived at the same time.

      I was never advised of the gay clientele when a few years earlier I checked into the Chandler Inn in Boston. It was a random hotel choice at the time and never mentioned in the hotel guide I used.

      I understand the point that we want the cliental to be a certain type when we specifically travel to a gay resort, but our hands are tied. No resort can discriminate. The family from the mid west will just have to deal with seeing me in a thong by the pool.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 12:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dolly Knockers
      Dolly Knockers

      We should take the higher ground and not discriminate. So long as we make it known that the venue is gay orientated. As they don’t want us at their places, I cannot see many straights wanting to come to ours.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 1:52 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Oscar
      Oscar

      @mark: They already do.In what century and planet have you been living lately?.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 3:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tangelo
      Tangelo

      As long as the breeders are made uncomfortable and ashamed every moment they are on the property.
      They should experience what we have experienced all our lives. Advise them ahead of time.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 8:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Francis
      Francis

      As long as they understand the place is basically a gay zone, and if they have no issue with that, it’s all good. I know at the gay clubs and resorts in this city, straights show up, and if they are cool, then we should be cool with them.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 9:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JAW
      JAW

      @Oprah: #8…
      It does not take “self=respecting” straight people to want to stay at a gay resort… perhaps “bachelorette parties” could make reservations so the girls can hang by the pool with the gays. Or hell, just some old lady that wants to stare at some cute, almost naked boys, at the pool.

      @Shannon1981: #11
      “Straight people have the entire planet to parade around and do their thing on without being discriminated against for being straight.” When the straight folks were forced to allow a gay couple to stay at the B&B we proved that they do NOT own the entire planet.

      There are many straight men that would love to be on a ship full of women in very little clothing… walk around, then go back to their cabin and jerk off,,, they are called perverts.
      Same goes for women, lol… I’m not sure how they would get off in their cabin… any ideas??

      When enough of the pain in the ass straight people show up at male or female only resorts etc, the people that the resort was designed for will stop coming. When we stop coming, so will the perverts, and that will be the end of the resort.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 9:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JAW
      JAW

      @Brian Miller: #15

      Very well said… esp…”Oh, the Law of Unintended Consequences”… some of these folks just do not understand.

      I have no desire to give money to small B&B’s that do not want me and my partner. I also do not want them hanging around the pool at a gay resort.

      It would only take one or 2 women walking around staring at guys to ruin the atmosphere at a pool.

      I live close to nyc, dc, philly, rehoboth beach de, etc. I have access to all kinds of gay, straight and mixed bars, resorts etc. Many GLBT are not as lucky. Most small towns across the USA and Ca. I can understand why folks from small towns would want to be around places that are all gay… I think that they should be able to.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 10:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @JAW what I mean is straight people don’t have to fear discrimination based on their orientation. They might be forced to let us in, but they don’t have to treat us right, and they have a multitude of ways to let us know they don’t want us there, and they do, all the time. Until those times are over, we need our own space.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 11:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • adam
      adam

      I say no theirs no reason to let them in straight plp get everything they want with out having to fight for it like we do. Also,most hate us if we let them in they’d just start fights or harrass us. Its not fair theirs hunderads of straight bars/hotels n we ‘re lucky if we see one n they feel left out I bhate striaght plp they’re all homophobic or violent/angery

      Feb 21, 2011 at 2:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jamie
      Jamie

      If straights are forced to allow gays admission I think it’s only fair us gays should allow straights into ”our” spaces.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 3:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TheRealAdam
      TheRealAdam

      @Jamie: “Fair,” yes. Sure. Why not?

      Is it desirable, respectful, tasteful, appropriate, and just plain necessary? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Just because something is fair doesn’t mean it should be done.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 4:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kayla
      kayla

      I know some people are gonna trash me for what I’m going to say, but as a biracial heterosexual woman I have to say this: I have often been in the presence of black people who because of our horrific history in the United States, have the preposterous notion that all white people are living perfect lives where everything is handed to them on a silver platter, where they never have any struggles or roadblocks to overcome…Because of this, some black people feel that they are justified in having unwarranted negative attitudes towards white people in general, without even getting to know them personally…These are the people who say because of this history, no black person can ever be racist.

      Many of the comments written on this thread reflect that attitude from the perspective of gays towards heterosexuals…All heterosexuals are not living easy lives of privilege…Many of them have many roadblocks in their way, whether it be financial, psychological or physical….They are not all fortunate sons and daughters…many of them would give an arm or a leg to live the lives of many fortunate gay men and women…Discrimination shouldn’t beget discrimination…animosity shouldn’t beget animosity…heterosexuality isn’t a ticket to Disneyland, anymore than being white is…just saying…

      Feb 21, 2011 at 4:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DR
      DR

      It’s the law. If we’re allowed in their spaces, they need to be welcome in ours. Ghettos need to stop. The law doesn’t create a “homosexual exception” when determining if a business is in compliance with laws prohibiting discrimination.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 4:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @kayla: You don’t have the institutionalized discrimination of lack of hate crimes protections, lack of marrying privlideges and basic human rights that the very government denies you that we do. End of story. Until you do, you can’t equate the two. ‘Roadblocks’ like Wic and welfare do not equate to people in some states being able to beat us to death for being gay when nobody would ever do that to you for being straight, and, if they did, they’d never live to see the light of day again. It just isn’t the same until the law stops seeing us as second class citizens. Appreciate your being an ally, really I do, but your comment shows that you just don’t get it. How could you?

      Feb 21, 2011 at 4:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jeffree
      Jeffree

      I think it depends on if we’re talking about “hotels” or “resorts”/”guest houses.” When it comes to a hotel where I’m staying just on my way somewhere or for a couple days while on “business,” I don’t care who else is staying there really.

      But if my guy & I are going to spend a week hanging out somewhere, I want to be comfortable hanging out together at the pool or bar *as* a couple. Same would go if I was single and hoping to meet a guy to hang out with.

      So far, even without the laws, it’s not been a problem for meat the resort/guest house because I research places that cater to LGBs.

      I think people “self select” where they stay for vacation. Older or str8 people tend to gravitate to places that fit their criteria. I haven’t run into many cases where people find themselves in a predom. gay place by accident. I haven’t accidently booked a place that caters to lesbians or where clothing is optional.

      I understand the need for antidiscrimination laws, but I also think that we can be overly pessimistic about having to share the cabana bar with Mr. & Mrs. Jones and their nine homeschooled children!

      Feb 21, 2011 at 4:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TheRealAdam
      TheRealAdam

      @kayla: The comparison to race is completely invalid. No one is persecuting heterosexuals or harboring animosity toward them because they are heterosexual. The responses are told from the perspective that gay space, *because of differences in sexual orientation,* is a necessary thing.

      Sexual orientation and race are two entirely different things in this context. One involves physical acts and expressions of that identity, the other (race) does not. All races are still equal within their heterosexuality, and *can cross those racial lines within their heterosexuality to theoretically create unity and harmony.* Homosexuals, because of who they are, lie outside that realm and are pressed to find those like themselves within a society of hostility, ignorance, and violence, because of their love and sex. They *cannot cross* into heterosexuality any more than a het could cross into homosexuality.

      “Privilege” is the wrong word to use. Heterosexuals aren’t privileged, they are the default. They are the dominating construction of humanity. Everything is “other” if not’s heterosexual. That means 95% of the world doesn’t have to think about the issues gays and lesbians do or confront them if they don’t have to. That means every institution and establishment on Earth caters to them, and culturally affirms their lives. You clearly have no idea what that means.

      Banning blacks from a white establishment is done because one race is trying to suppress the other. Stating that it is improper for heterosexuals to be welcomed into a gay, safe space has nothing to do with power plays and everything to do with comfort (for all involved) and survival.

      Your comparison is completely misguided, and being biracial doesn’t make you an expert on what constitutes discrimination for gays and lesbians. Then again, you’re heterosexual, so your sad attempts to comprehend this issue are understandable.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 4:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Drake
      Drake

      Only ban the GOProudlings from gay spaces. They are working against us. Chris Barron can suck camel dung.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 6:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dan
      Dan

      Absolutely. We know discrimination hurt, so we should not discriminate or spread discrimination in anyway.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 7:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BDinUK
      BDinUK

      I think many of the comments here are exaggerating how much of a change this would actually make. I live in London, but I’m from the US, and I don’t know of any gay bars that don’t allow straight people. I’m sure they exist, but at all the places I’ve gone to, in London, SF, DC, Chicago, etc, there are usually a handful of straight people, and it’s never mattered.

      The Axel Hotels–the gay hotels in Barcelona, Berlin, an Buenos Aires–advertise themselves as “heterofriendly” and do not turn away straight customers.

      Even the “all-gay” cruises don’t turn away straight people:
      “Any lesbians on board?
      Men are dominantly represented in these all gay cruises, although there’s always a group of ladies enjoying the fun. The cruises are open for everyone who like an open atmosphere: gay, lesbian and yeah… even straight people.”

      The gay establishments we go to have managed to remain gay without a discriminatory door policy thus far.

      I think @Frankjath may be right, and this is perhaps a generational difference in the gay community. Some of the most enjoyable nights out I’ve had were in places that were very mixed, and no one seemed to feel the need to hide his orientation.

      Feb 21, 2011 at 9:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JAW
      JAW

      @Shannon1981:

      I am not sure on how old your age is, but you mention that you are in school, so I assume that you are fairly young. Forgive me for making that assumption. If you are, and if many others on Queerty are you have not lived through the real pain of being targeted for being LGBT.

      It was not untill 1973 that being Homosexual was not considered to be a mental Disorder. I was perhaps your age, or a bit younger back then. We were not welcome anywhere. Bars in NYC and even SF, as well as cities and towns across the country were raided until people stopped going and the bar went out of business. We could not walk streets anywhere hand and hand, even in SF and NYC.

      Checking into a major hotel anywhere was a challenge. Asking for a king size bed was almost humiliating. Recently my brother and I checked into a hotel, and the clerk assumed that we were married and that we would want a king bed (my how times have changed) fyi… we got 2 double beds :-)

      For you, and others your age, 40 years may seem like ancient history. Many others may see it almost as current events.

      LGBT people have made great strides in what I think, is a short period of time. Please do not dismiss other peoples thoughts as you sometimes do. We have a long way to go, but I think change is coming quickly.

      I sometimes, like you, want to be able to go to resorts that are gay only. I do not want to feel uncomfortable around straight people or even Lesbians. I also do not want them to feel uncomfortable around me. If LGBT people are able to have places that we can go to, straight people should also have the same ability. There are plenty of gay friendly straight places as well straight friendly gay places for us all to share.

      Feb 22, 2011 at 9:13 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @JAW: @JAW I am 29. Returning student. Not so young…and I grew up in the bible belt, so that means we are about a million years behind everyone else….

      That being said, I don’t want separation forever. I just think the idea of the ability to have straight people on gay cruises without making everyone uncomfortable is a fantasy at this time and for quite some time to come. Until they no longer treat gay events as a way to be outrageous, or something to gawk at,etc, it is just not a feasible situation IMO.

      And you are right, there are plenty of friendly places for us all to share. But, traditionally gay cruises and resorts shouldn’t be forced to be that way. I think its begging for trouble, and, like someone mentioned upthread, for homophobes to come give us a hard time. IDK. Doesn’t even seem like there are any real solutions….

      Feb 22, 2011 at 10:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Robert Samson
      Robert Samson

      Hey, let the breeders in.. then they can see just how sexually impoverished their sex lives really are. :)

      Feb 22, 2011 at 12:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kurt
      Kurt

      “If a gay man or a lesbian wants to go somewhere and just be around other gay men or other lesbians, why shouldn’t that be an option?”

      It is an option. Host a private party in your home and invite who you will. But not in a commerical enterprise open to the public.

      Feb 22, 2011 at 2:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @Kurt: A private party isn’t the same. What’s so wrong with keeping the homophobes and the gawkers at bay?

      Until they treat us equally, why the hell should we extend that courtesy.

      Feb 22, 2011 at 3:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JAW
      JAW

      @Shannon1981:

      That is simple to answer… Because it is the law here in the USA.

      There is as much discrimination within the LGBT community as there is from those outside the community.

      Many Lesbian bars are Very unwelcoming to men (gay or straight)

      Gay Leather bars are known to not welcome Leather women and men not dressed in fetish wear

      Clubs really try to keep the old guys out… the only want the cute guys.

      Bisexuals have been told they do not exist… they just have not come to terms with whom they are

      Trans people esp MTF… are disrespected by many of the LGB community.

      We have a lot of issues to deal with in our own house. We need to stop discriminating each other… and not start new issues with the straight community. Lets treat each other Equally and with dignity and respect.

      Feb 22, 2011 at 4:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @JAW: Ok, i gotcha. I, too, notice the discrimination within our own community, even on this very board.I expressed that in the thread on the transphobic SNL skit. I dislike that too. There was even one member here in a trans centric thread who openly said he wouldn’t befriend a trans person.

      However, until the homophobia dies down, i stand by this bringing straight people into gay resorts being a bad idea. When we are no longer animals in a zoo to many of them, great. Party on. But until that happens, no way.
      Its inviting trouble.

      Feb 22, 2011 at 4:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JAW
      JAW

      @Shannon1981:

      I think that the only thing that you and I disagree on is…

      I hope that there will always be options for male only, female only and yes, even straight only resorts and B&B’s

      As there will always be some discrimination among our selves; sadly we will need to understand that there will always be straights that will discriminate against us. ( at least in your and my lifetimes)

      Feb 22, 2011 at 5:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chitown Kev
      Chitown Kev

      @kayla:

      Funny you should bring race into this.

      I mean, to a certain extent many black establishments in the US have gone through this sort of thing.

      It’s not that white people can’t go to clubs where the primary clientele is black people but you had better know that you’re going to get a heavy dose of cultural blackness when you get in said club. And yeah, some blacks will give a white person a mean look but…a lot of that depends on who said white person is with also.

      I suspect that this will work out abt. the same way for gays (and I am black and gay).

      Feb 22, 2011 at 6:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @JAW: You know I think it is VERY idealistic to think ANY discrimination will simply disappear. There will always be racism, sexism, religious discrimination, homophobia, and anything else you can think of. For me, its the DEGREE of it. I would love to be able to say I am comfortable when I walk into a gay bar and I scope it and there are bunches of straights there, or that I feel safe in a honky tonk aimed at cowboys. The truth of the matter is, those situations make me VERY uncomfortable. I think I’ve been called a dyke and had the shit knocked out of me one too many times to be ok until the climate changes. Until it is at least about 50% or more better, I think its a matter of comfort and safety. Ive no issue with cool straight people in gay establishments. The thing is, most just aren’t that cool.

      That being said though, if I am going to hook up or what have you, I’d feel a whole lot better if its all lesbians, or at least all LGBT.

      Feb 22, 2011 at 6:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BlogShag
      BlogShag

      Fine they can let the straights in, if the straights can deal with us butt banging and sucking cock “on stage” like we like to do at these resorts.

      Feb 27, 2011 at 12:13 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • adam smith
      adam smith

      If Straight establishments have to accept Gay customers, then it should follow that Gay establishments have to accepts Straight customers. What’s the big deal? I would think you would want to welcome Straight customers who support your business. Anyone who discriminates against anyone for any reason is just a dick.

      Mar 12, 2011 at 12:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BlogShag
      BlogShag

      The USA is so full of shit. Here discrimination is supposed to be against the law, and yet you see it smack dab in your face all the time. It’s perfectly ok to discriminate in this instance, and to not allow children in certain places or pets, and it perfectly ok to discriminate at country clubs.
      We have health clubs (Curves) that allow women only, etc..

      Mar 13, 2011 at 11:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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