Donovan Gutierrez and Eric Alvarado both grew up with traditional Mexican backgrounds, where marrying women and starting families wasn’t just encouraged, it was expected expected.
And half of that equation resonated — both wanted badly to be fathers, but they knew deep down that they were gay. They both sacrificed their true selves and tried to lead the lives they believed were meant for them.
But cold reality has a way of creeping into even the best made plans.
Eric was married for two years, during which time he and his wife separated three times before finally breaking up for good.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Donovan lasted nine years in his marriage. Three years ago, he and his wife divorced.
Two gay dads each with a kid and an ex-wife — if that’s not a setup for a feel-good romantic indie film, we’re not sure what is.
But their roads weren’t neatly paved. With parents who didn’t understand their decisions to come out and custody battles playing out, the stress was real.
As time passed, things got smoother. And that’s when the two met online and discovered how much they had in common.
“It seems like we never stopped talking. Every time I went out on a date or whatever, he came into my mind,” Donovan remembers.
Their connection grew, and they finally decided to merge their families, embarking on a new chapter together with their kids.
Now they both share a home in California and plan to get married.
“We wanted a traditional family per se,” Eric says. “I’m really looking forward to it. The way I’m looking at it, we’re starting from step one.”
It’s never too late for step one!
H/t: Gay With Kids
Southstguy
“both sacrificed their true selves”
That’s one way to put it. I’d put it deceiving two women to have children. I have 0 sympathy for people who know it’s a mistake and get married. You’re not sacrificing, you’re an asshole.
Jaroslaw
South – not sure what to say about your comment. Certainly prior to the 1980s it was understandable that Gays married women. Psychologists and others routinely told men it was a phase or a curiousity etc. and it would go away.
These guys look relatively young – all I can say is I do understand the pressure of being Catholic. Catholic AND Hispanic – well, everyone isn’t as strong as you or as thinkly as clearly as you about their orientation. I empathize with your thoughts on “deceiving women” but “zero” sympathy” is a bit harsh, isn’t it?
skibum03446
South, as someone who did what was “supposed to happen”, go to college, get a good job, get married, have kids, get the house with the white picket fence….I know exactly what they are going through.
I knew something was different about me but I did what was expected of me. Thank goodness I woke up (after THREE kids) and came out. My ex at first was upset, understandably, but is now in my husbands and my life as our the 3 kids and grandchildren.
Times change. Don’t be so harsh on a couple that found their true selves and a lot younger then I did!
God love them and their families, they have a tough road ahead but they have each other and their kids!!
Southstguy
@Jaroslaw: I agree back in “the day” it was different. By the look of these guys, I’d say they were born in the 80s, or maybe the late 70s. For me, I took umbrage at the line about them making sacrifices. I don’t think entering into a marriage under false pretenses (secret orientation or otherwise) is a sacrifice. It’s wasting someone’s life. Can you imagine if you pledged your life to someone and it turned out to be a lie from day one?
That’s why I can’t fathom why rightwingers say to “just get straight-married”. I can’t imagine Santorum being thrilled at one of his daughters married to a guy that didn’t truly love and desire her the way you should love a spouse.
Southstguy
@skibum03446: You’re much older than these guys, as you have grandchildren. I would guess you were born in the 60s? Maybe 50s? You came of age in a much different time where the life you have now was basically impossible. I have sympathy for you, not so much someone doing the same in the 21st century.
RCWRTR
@Southstguy I find your comments and views very judgmental and offensive. These men come from a conservative culture that is historically very Catholic. Having grown up in a very conservative culture and religious family myself, I can completely understand the struggle these men had. They are not assholes. They are human beings. They did what they felt in their heart was the best at the time. Judging them for being human and making mistakes makes you the asshole. Nobody, including you, is perfect.
fingertrouble
I find it odd that stories about divorced gay parents or spouses coming out get negative responses about ‘responsibility’ and how ‘it’s not fair on the other partner’ where no-one says a single thing nowadays about straight marriages breaking down with ‘irreconcilable differences’ or getting bored with each other and divorcing, even when there is children?
I mean the classic one is Britney Spears brief marriage. And you’re telling me that people who hurt and struggled over their sexuality and breaking up their family are the same as the people who flock to The Elvis Chapel then get bored a few weeks later?
Really?
It’s a complete double standard. Life changes, people change, sexualities aren’t suddenly revealed in a flash all at once, shit happens, people get pushed into straight marriage as the only way, even now – the gay revolution hasn’t arrived everywhere you know! It’s not great, but better to be honest about who you are than live a life on the downlow, surely? A better example to the kids than ‘shh keep it in the closet’.
Or would you prefer to go back to the dark days where people used to kill themselves or others to get out of an abusive relationship which the church told them was ‘forever’?
I hope those who judge never make a mistake, and go into everything 100% informed and with knowledge of the future…(which is impossible) because next time you screw up and are like ‘OMG I fucked up’ people like me will be there to point out that karma, is indeed a bitch.
blkluvla
@fingertrouble: Thank you, Finger, for such a well-written and compassionate analysis. I found the comments of Southstguy unnecessarily harsh in judgment.
Ogre Magi
@Southstguy: Their families may have forced them to do it. That is the kind of crap christians do to our people all the time
Lonewolff
Much sympathy for ‘mistakes’, made in ignorance or consciously, but none for those against whom the ‘mistakes’ were made?
Southstguy was, at worst, harsh; at best, he was holding up a mirror.
As heart-warming as the story is, it would have read better with accountability also in it.
Everyone makes mistakes. Homophobia is a mistake. As ‘victims’ of it, we can maybe try not to victimise others; or at the very least, acknowledge our own ‘mistakes’, when we make them.
Southstguy
@fingertrouble: Do you really think a marriage that breaks down is the same as one that’s based on a lie? If you divorce because you got bored of your spouse, yeah that’s still pretty awful, but the difference is presumably you went into the marriage hoping for the best. Incompatible orientation is something that can’t be fixed in a relationship. The article says that the men “knew they were gay” and “sacrificed themselves”. Self-sacrifices are noble. Marrying someone you could never have a true marriage with is not noble. The only thing being sacrificed were their wives’ lives. Did it suck for them? I’m sure it did. But my sympathy is with the wives on this.
Not sure where you were going with the Britney reference, as her first marriage was on a whim, less than 72 hours and no kids were involved. She wasted roughly a weekend of the guy’s life. These men wasted years of their wives’. I take issue with painting them as noble.
meghanada
Corny.
meghanada
Who cares about the women. They’re heterosexual, and heterosexuals are the reason gay people need to be closeted to begin with. Zero sympathy for them. Those men did their thing and likely don’t regret it. Just would’ve preferred a text that wasn’t written like a soapie recap.
zooby
@Ogre Magi: Their families didn’t force them to do anything. That is such a BS excuse that closeted, selfish cowards who drag woman through their problems use to justify their actions. Being gay is not a choice, but who you marry is. No one is forced to marry a woman – everyone is free to make their own choices.
mantecamikeofca
I know both Donovan and Eric personally. They’re both incredibly good men, dedicated to their kids and each other, employed, etc. All the things we expect out of fathers in our society. To all the naysayers who’ve posted I say, Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Lonewolff
Precisely
While we thus introspect, we might realise that deceiving someone for years altogether, for whatever reason, just might be – sin.
Jaroslaw
@Southstguy: re: your reply to finger) okay, you say self sacrifices are supposed to be noble. I don’t mean to be harsh with you, but you’re nitpicking about words. Language often cannot precisely describe a situation or the writer maybe could have chosen better words. But the guys in this story did sacrifice a great deal to please their families, the church, society. Yes, you are right, they deceived the women too, but not in a mean spirited deliberate way. As others have stated, straight society forces choices….. If you give up a fishing trip to please your spouse and clean the garage instead, it is still a “sacrifice” isn’t it? Noble? Maybe not so much. And maybe there are better examples I can’t think of at the moment, but I’m sure you get the ideas I’m trying to convey.
Glücklich
@mantecamikeofca:
High five!
Glücklich
@mantecamikeofca:
Forgot to ask…is that farm in/near Lathrop (?) still doing the mud run, corn maze and pumpkin patch?
groovinqueerly
Mixed reactions reading this story, but ultimately, I wish them and their blended familia all the luck and love in the world! Judging from the pictures shared, they are already enjoying happiness. May their extended families be supportive and understanding!
Jaroslaw
Groovin – Glad you wish them well. You said you have mixed reactions – since you’re commenting here, one assumes you want to share you feelings, please elaborate.