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True Blood Recap Roulette: Tara Rises, Crispy Russell And The Authority of Stick Figures

Anyone can just spell out what happened on last night’s episode of True Blood. In fact, you can’t swing a dead changeling without hitting someone’s recaps.

So every week this season, Queerty contributor Jason Sweeten is going to give us a different spin on the previous night’s episode: it might be a screenshot slideshow, a sock-puppet re-enactment, or even some Kabuki theater. (If we can just get the budget approved). He might not always succeed, but at least it won’t be boring.

This week: stick figures!

 

Tara is now a crazed, non-speaking vampire. She attacks Sookie until Pam choke-holds her.

The packmaster subplot continues, but I’ve stopped paying attention because Alcide is wearing clothes.

Once inside Sookie’s house, vampire Tara does nothing but topple large appliances.

Steve Newlin preaches about the fabulousness of vampires.

Flashback: When Pam met Eric, they both had fancy hats.

The Vampire Authority likes to pump liquid silver into Bill, Eric and Nora. I can’t un-cringe from this scene.

Steve offers $20,000 to Jessica in exchange for Jason and his fang-chipping hotness. It goes over swimmingly.

Before Tara flees, she tells Sookie and Lafayette “I will never forgive either of you.” She then gets sprayed with silver. Oops?

Chris Meloni performs some ritual that goes on for days.

He’s upset that Bill and Eric let Russell live. Staking nearly happens.

Hey, look—we found Russell! …he looks terrible.

 

 

Jason Sweeten might quit writing to pursue a career in stick-figure re-enactments.

 

By:           Jason Sweeten
On:           Jun 18, 2012
Tagged: , ,

  • 9 Comments
    • jo
      jo

      HAHA! Way to go Jason! I love this, very creative. And

      Jun 18, 2012 at 7:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jo
      jo

      HAHA! Way to go Jason! Very creative recap. Look forward to next week. True blood is fab.

      Jun 18, 2012 at 7:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Riker
      Riker

      Excellent recap. Unlike nearly everything else on Queerty, this is an original creative work that wasn’t a repost of a repost of a repost from other blogs. A definite thumbs up for coming up with this idea, please do continue it.

      Jun 18, 2012 at 7:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mr. Enemabag Jones
      Mr. Enemabag Jones

      I love stick people 8^)

      Jun 18, 2012 at 7:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AW_NP_MAGICALHABITAT
      AW_NP_MAGICALHABITAT

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Loving it.

      Jun 18, 2012 at 8:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rowan
      Rowan

      Is a spoiler warning really so hard? Is Queerty really incapable of not putting spoilers in a headline?

      Jun 19, 2012 at 2:42 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • R.A.
      R.A.

      LOL!

      Jun 19, 2012 at 2:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MJ
      MJ

      @Rowan: the fact that it’s a recap is a big enough spoiler warning. I’m a fan of Tara and the only thing worth watching on this Show right is Chris Meloni threatening to kill Bill and Eric which makes sense.

      Jun 19, 2012 at 10:49 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AG
      AG

      @ Rowan…seriously?? Does the word “recap” not mean anything to you? We’re not on Livejournal here.

      Jun 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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