Moscow political scientist/tabloid columnist (apparently you can be both) Stanislav Belkovsky claims to have the “whole truth” on Vladimir Putin in a new biography which, among other things, claims the Russian president is a closet homosexual and misanthrope who prefers the company of animals to people.
Belkovsky says Putin’s alleged affair with a former gymnast/Olympic champion Alina Kabaeva was merely a Russian ruse to paint the prez as “macho” and a “sex bomb”:
According to Belkovsky, for Putin “sex and a sex life are alien” but he posits that Vlad may be “latently gay,” pointing to a “truly erotic photo session in which Putin and Prince Albert of Monaco posed topless with their fishing rods in their hands.”
Oh you mean this completely heterosexual display of bro-ing the fuck out?:
He does look super happy, though. But what could be more heterosexual than this?:
And of course, this — which is so straight I just got pregnant. And I’m a dude:
“He flees from people and his obligations to nature,” Belkovsky writes, adding that his best friends and sole roommates are “Labrador Conny and the Bulgarian shepherd dog Buffy”:
Yeah, right, like any gay man would name his dogs Conny and Buffy!
Anygay, there’s also Putin’s relationship with his handsome Prime Minister, Dmitry Medvedev:
Awww. Precious. Based on the novel U.S.S.R. by Sapphire.
Of course, latent homosexuality might explain why Puts is so gung-homo with his anti-gay propaganda law. Perhaps one doth protest too much:
Fully aware that this kind of talk amounts to borderline treason — or at the very least, some shaaaaaaady bull that if it was a cup couldn’t hold a drop of water — Belkovsky is careful to include this caveat: “for the lawyers among my readers…a cult figure among homosexuals is not automatically a homosexual himself.”
Tell that to Ricky Martin.