COMMIE OUT OF THE CLOSET

Russian Scientist Claims Vladimir Putin Is Gay — And The Evidence Is Overwhelming…Sorta

putin-rainbow

Moscow political scientist/tabloid columnist (apparently you can be both) Stanislav Belkovsky claims to have the “whole truth” on Vladimir Putin in a new biography which, among other things, claims the Russian president is a closet homosexual and misanthrope who prefers the company of animals to people.

Belkovsky says Putin’s alleged affair with a former gymnast/Olympic champion Alina Kabaeva was merely a Russian ruse to paint the prez as “macho” and a “sex bomb”:

putin-gf

Mission: accomplished.

According to Belkovsky, for Putin “sex and a sex life are alien” but he posits that Vlad may be “latently gay,” pointing to a “truly erotic photo session in which Putin and Prince Albert of Monaco posed topless with their fishing rods in their hands.”

Oh you mean this completely heterosexual display of bro-ing the fuck out?:

putin-eternal-flamer

He does look super happy, though. But what could be more heterosexual than this?:

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Or this?:

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And of course, this — which is so straight I just got pregnant. And I’m a dude:

putin-pensiveBelkovksy claims these shots of butch queen realness were not staged for PR purposes, but rather, they represent the “real” Vladimir Putin.

“He flees from people and his obligations to nature,” Belkovsky writes, adding that his best friends and sole roommates are “Labrador Conny and the Bulgarian shepherd dog Buffy”:

Vladimir Putin

Yeah, right, like any gay man would name his dogs Conny and Buffy!

Wait.

Anygay, there’s also Putin’s relationship with his handsome Prime Minister, Dmitry Medvedev:

vlad-dmitry

Awww. Precious. Based on the novel U.S.S.R. by Sapphire.

Of course, latent homosexuality might explain why Puts is so gung-homo with his anti-gay propaganda law. Perhaps one doth protest too much:

putin-wink copy

Fully aware that this kind of talk amounts to borderline treason — or at the very least, some shaaaaaaady bull that if it was a cup couldn’t hold a drop of water — Belkovsky is careful to include this caveat: “for the lawyers among my readers…a cult figure among homosexuals is not automatically a homosexual himself.”

Tell that to Ricky Martin.

h/t: Spiegel via Gay Star News